Fraudulences Of Words
by enervate
Summary: Part 8 - Voyage uploaded. Tokitoh wanders in the heart of Tokyo as he leave Kubota behind after a quarrel between them. Will his voyage of turbulence continue forever, or will he return to Kubota? [Ongoing, yaoi]
1. Inveigh

** Fraudulences Of Words  
**An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N : ** Chapter re-edited on 4th of October, 2003, on grammar and organization of paragraphs.

** Part One : Inveigh**

He came back at last. He did not want to. He remembered those last words clearly as if it were yesterday's reminders. 

_"You'll come back soon enough."_

No. Didn't he walk away, out of the same door, just to prove those words wrong? Didn't he slam that door shut at that face?

The room felt cold to his touch, yes, that strange icy chill that began to dawn on every corner of the room. He felt like he had been whisked away from a beautiful land to this barren world, yes, the world that is what you call Reality. And to return to Reality, it became such a torture to his own mind and physique. He felt like sinking down underneath, six feet under, so that he would not have to die of being frozen solid by the hurting truth.

Tokitoh leaned against the door, his hands still tightly gripping on the doorknob. Sighing heavily, he sank onto the floor, and hugged himself. His eyes surveyed what that he recognized as the living room, his stare painful, his vision cloudy, all blurred by a demonic envision of his own uncertainty. Ah, living Hell it was, damnable world,... call it a lost. He never knew why did he return here, oh no, he swore not to. _Never. I would have never want to return to this fucking hell, oh God, what the fuck are you putting me into??_ Tokitoh ran a hand through his ruffled hair, and tugged at those unkempt strands. It hurt much. Okay, this is no dream. _This is truly a living Hell._

Hell,...

He stared straight from where he sat. He could see the white curtains that framed the door that led to the balcony. Those white translucent curtains flew about gently in the solemn songs of the evening winds. And out there, Tokitoh knew, was a scene that grazed every metropolis in Japan. Everyone outside was hectic, moving fast to catch the _Shinkansen _[bullet train], exiting those glass sliding doors of magnificent skyscrapers and into the heart of civilization. Those majestic monochrome-plated buildings were soon left vacant for the exception of some OT workers, scribbling furiously as their hands allow on either paper or computer. And from a small distance from those commotion were the equally-busy households, all tucked cozily in this mundane routine. 

And yet, it kept all those people out there from the heartache and sorrow that dawned the world since existence of twilight.

_Busy as they are, they have somewhere to return to in the end of the day. A place to call home. A place where they belong to._

Speaking about returning,...

And why did he return here? 

He never did know why.

Tokitoh's gaze adverted from the scenery outside, and his eyes trailed slowly. There, after the balcony, it would be the kitchen. 

The kitchen where he had many times quarreled about the dinner. The kitchen where the latter cooked daily, garbed in the silliest apron, looking like a pretty girl in frills and lace. The kitchen where they shared many meals together...

Tokitoh could almost hear that voice, calling out from a distance. _"Tokitoh, get me the spatula. Ah, doumo [Thanks]."_

Tokitoh shook his head. No way. Not that voice. 

And from the kitchen, his eyes moved again. Down, down, yes, the walkway, and to the living room. There, sat a TV and the ever-faithful PS2 on the rack. The controller was still strewn on the floor, and the 2p controller was still neatly placed on top of the console. Tokitoh bit his lip. _Nothing changed since I left here._

_Not even the whole place here. It remained the same._

From where the PS2 and its controllers stood, a few chairs were in sight. Two small stools, one single-seat sofa and a three-seat one. _Someone love to bury himself in the three-seat, reading boring books, page after page, over and over..._

_And in that same sofa too, it is where we shared our first kiss, unintentionally._

Tokitoh bit his lips. He could still taste the bitterness interlaced with bliss in that very kiss. He could still remember the sensation of lying there, pressed tightly against another body, drowning in a sense of security that he knew that he had lost. He remembered the happiness, the heavenly feelings that were forbidden, but all unlocked there, together,... two became one.

Tokitoh sighed. The kiss was more than a distant memory. It was like fragments of dust, all broken down, shattered, by a single incident...

He returned, again,... but why? He wanted to prove someone wrong, but he was being proved here instead. He wanted to return, yes, to those arms that he knew he could never belong to again. 

Words of advice rang in his head, again, again. This whole ordeal had worn out his physical and mental self. It is now time to rest in a nice comfy bed, and return to where he belonged.

But why, why all this ordeal had to happen to him?

But as he heard a key being entered into the locked door, he almost sighed out, both in elation and depression.

"I will never know why."

**End of Part One : Inveigh**


	2. Admonitions

** Fraudulences Of Words  
**An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N : ** Re-edited on 4th of October, 2003, on grammar and organization of paragraphs.

** Part Two : Admonitions**

A week ago when it all started....

* * *

Tokitoh was sitting in the middle of the room, the living room, hands clutching the trademark black controller of a PS2. His eyes were tightly glued to the idiot box, gazing at the screen as multiple colors came crashing, from one side to another. He remained still, with the exception of his animated hands, which were punching the buttons furiously to unleash a wicked combo on the infamous Dead Or Alive 2 game. Underneath all the commotion and the undeniably good sound system, he could make out mentally of what's going around him. Behind him, he knew, sat his best friend, Makoto Kubota, all drowned in another cigarette, one hand holding a thick book that Tokitoh often dismissed himself as another 'nuisance' unworthy of all the time, another hand vacant. His eyes were hidden behind glasses, both poring over endless strings of words. 

The television flashed a 'Game Over' sign, and as high-scores scrolled over the screen, Tokitoh sighed dejectedly as he turned around, facing his friend who was diligently reading. "Kubo-chan, are you still absorbed in the book?" No response. Taking that as a significant 'yes', Tokitoh turned around, frowning. It annoyed him a lot whenever Kubota ignored him over some boring book. 

It annoyed him when Kubota chose silence over words. It annoyed him when Kubota dismissed everything as nothing. It annoyed him when Kubota gave him that I-Told-You-So look. It annoyed him when he knew he will lose somehow to Kubota. It annoyed him so much that he felt terribly annoyed. Yes. Frustration boiled within him sometimes.

Tokitoh's mind wandered somewhere else, albeit his fingers still loyally entering entry keys into the PS2 controller. His eyes and hands were focused altogether on the arcade-fighting style game, but his thoughts weren't. 

Tokitoh felt quite disappointed sometimes. Just a week or two ago, Kubota changed their relationship status in one significant night. From friends,...

... to lovers.

Tokitoh himself was confused and surprised at first. He was used to their little 'lovers' joke since he entered Araiso Private High during second grade. He was used to collaborate with Kubota, leaving confusing hints at their friends. Everyone thought they were lovers. Everyone thought they were more than friends. 

Who couldn't forget those so-called intimate gestures between them, displayed quite publicly as a little joke? Well, _shounen ai _relationships were quite popular in their school during the heydays. So, their jokes were nothing but playful hints that left their friends on the trail of wonder and suspense. "Are they for real?"

Fortunately, or unfortunately, they were never lovers then. Only best of friends. Many times did Tokitoh wonder, did Kubota keep any hidden feelings for him? Once or twice, during that little teasing session, Tokitoh could somehow see another flicker of emotion behind those grinning eyes. Another light from within...

... the flame of longing. The flame of desire. Of wanting. Of deep, deep and hidden lust...

Tokitoh almost lost his composure whenever he saw that look. But that enigmatic gaze will last for a second or two, making it delusional and ephemeral. Kubota will end their joke with a tacky comment or the truth behind everything; i.e. taking Tokitoh's History notebook, giving Tokitoh his ice-cream,... whatever the joke is centered on, Kubota will be the one who end it. Tokitoh sighed in relief as it ended,...

... but more than often he longed to gaze at Kubota underneath those spellbinding eyes again.

He did not know why. The feeling was weird, bizarre. Out of his mind, and certainly crazy. He dismissed it more than once.

But it returned, whenever the joke's being played. It felt like the _joke _is on _him_, and not their friends.

Tokitoh bit his lips. More than once,... already more than once,...

He felt played, but nonetheless he kept his mouth shut. Maybe he was the only one who is a little sensitive, feeling all played and messed up... maybe he should not take it seriously.

And how did you know.... the next thing, after being trapped in this emotional ride for so long...

Kubota kissed him not long ago. Tokitoh himself was flustered. It was crazy, yes, it was more like a dream. He thought it was just another joke, like usual....

... but the spectators were missing. No school friends, no EC, no school compound,... only the sofa, their house, lights out, candle on, Kubota and him, pressed together,... and a kiss.

No comical ending, no tacky response, no tricks up in the sleeve,... just another of that intense gaze and another alluring kiss, another wave of passion drowning him over.

He thought that it was one, and never anymore. He thought maybe something went wrong with Kubota that night, and the private emotion was merely for a night. Tokitoh thought it was nothing but a one-night-stand.

He was proven wrong.

The next morning, he was greeted by sunshine upon his coverlets, a gentle tug and a tender kiss. What a way to say "Good Morning."

The next few days,... some time together, underneath starry skies and the hot frolicking sun, surrounded by the surrealistic world and a secluded love built by their love.

And then,... came the tide. Sometimes Kubota remained ever the same,... ignoring him,... and sometimes pulling him so close...

... and then pushing him away,... and pulling him again,... push and pull,...

Tokitoh bit his lips again. Is it another game? Kubota played those games many time with his heart since the first time they met, and now their games were not only bounded to the fences of Friendship, but to the gates of Love and Relationship.

So, this game is much more intensified and interesting... _ne, Tokitoh?_

"Game Over."

Tokitoh looked up suddenly, surprised by the sudden change of his gaming status. There, he saw his character, the ninja babe Kasumi lying on the floor, with the horrid Tengu dancing around her. _Game over? Since when? Despite my wandering thoughts,... I did focus on the game,..._

Flip. Flip. 

Tokitoh could hear the sound of pages turning. Kubota on another page of that book. Silence. Except from the game. Tokitoh stood up, and shut the television. He dropped the controller onto his chair. Slowly, he walked to Kubota, and sat down beside him. Gently placing one hand on Kubota's chest, he bent down, pouted and called out, "Kubo-chan..." 

Kubota did not respond, instead, he turned over, his back facing Tokitoh. His face was solemn, himself being absorbed into the book. 

Tokitoh frowned. _Not again,... not that Silence-Is-Golden Kubota... _"Can't you say something??" Tokitoh snapped, quite irritated. Kubota continued ignoring him. 

"Kubo-chan!" Tokitoh exclaimed, frustrated. Silence. Kubota flipped to another page. He placed a bookmark between the page, and continue reading. 

_This is over,..._ Tokitoh though, agitated. Angrily he snatched Kubota's book from his hands, and threw it to one side of the room. Kubota let him do so, and curled himself up on the couch, still not facing Tokitoh. 

"Kubota!" Tokitoh called loudly, shaking Kubota on the shoulder. "Get up, up, up, UP!" Kubota turned, his expression placid. Tokitoh couldn't believe it. Kubota was all calm, not even affected by his actions. 

"What do you want, Tokitoh?" Kubota asked, his voice sounding exasperated, his eyes straightly staring into Tokitoh's. Tokitoh glared at him, and answered. "What I want? Well, can you stop ignoring me? I hate it, Kubota. What do you think I am, some rag doll?" Tokitoh's eyes were lit in fury. Kubota retorted equally. "Did I say so?" 

"But you act like I'm one!" Tokitoh exclaimed loudly, clenching his fists. Kubota did not reply, but still maintain his icy glare. 

"Kubota, I'm sick of this! First, you kissed me the other day, saying 'I Love You' and all those stupid fucking crap when you don't mean it at all now! You messed up my emotions, making me beg for more when you know that I hate it so much. Then, when the fun is all over, you treat me like dirt, like I'm some imbecile creature. What do you think you're doing, Kubota? Who do you think you are??? Kubota, please.... stop the silence, stop the confusing signals... stop..." Tokitoh's lips quivered as he felt tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes. 

Kubota's eyes softened at the look of Tokitoh on the verge of tears. Nonetheless he did not say anything. 

"... I,... I don't like this at all,... Kubota,... I hate the way you keep the silence present,..." Tokitoh said. "I hate to beg, Kubota, but please, stop this confusing game." 

"No one asked you to beg." Came Kubota's sharp remark. Tokitoh felt like he had been slapped at his face. 

"... No one asked me to love you either. I don't even want to!" Tokitoh spat, totally shocked at Kubota's sarcastic reply. And as he spoke out his own response, he almost bit his tongue. 

"Then don't!" Kubota said, smiling mockingly. "I dare you to leave, that is, if you can ever survive." Kubota well know that Tokitoh's chances of living out there without him,... will be down to a zero. 

"I WILL survive without you. Thank you so much." Tokitoh replied before realizing the consequences of his words. As truth dawned upon his own comprehension,... 

... Tokitoh almost choked. But nevertheless he kept his defiant stare. With his head held high, he took his wallet and hand phone from the table, and walked towards the door. His heart felt empty and hollow,... and a sinking feeling began to form deep inside. 

"I'll be leaving." Tokitoh announced finally, the finale to his emotional breakout. He awaited Kubota's reaction. None came. Tokitoh shook his head, quite disappointed. Why did Kubota hold no response to whatever he had said just now? _What is he trying to be, the Ice Queen? Freeze all the subjects, oh yes, the Lady with No Mercy Nor Compassion, Neutral of Emotions?_

Tokitoh bit his lips. Still no response... still the cold winds chained everything up in silence. Tokitoh decided that it was done. Everything was done. He cannot regret whatever spoken, whatever written across the stars. He turned around, and placed one hand on the doorknob. As painful as the harsh words he had uttered, he turned on the knob, and opened the door softly. The blistering breeze greeted him. _This is it. No turning back._

"Oh,... Tokitoh?" Came the voice that he hoped to hear. Nonetheless, Tokitoh only stood there, his back facing Kubota. _Let him know that I'm serious about leaving... _

"Go wherever you like, but let me tell you something. No matter what happens, you will find yourself coming back here." Kubota said, his voice casual enough to provoke Tokitoh's raging storms. Tokitoh gritted his teeth. _How confident, that damnable liar! Fine! I will not return at all, and I would like to see what he'll think about this!_

"You'll come back soon enough." Kubota said, smiling.

Turning around, with a cynical smile and a fake sugary voice, Tokitoh quipped. "Oh, really? Who would return to such a place, anyway?" With those words, he slammed the door, leaving a smug Kubota behind. Kubota picked up the book that Tokitoh thrown across the room. "Ah, still neatly book-marked." noted Kubota as he opened the page that he last read, sank back onto the couch and started reading.

"He'll return, soon enough..." With a little sigh, Kubota turned to the next page and read on.

** End of Part 2 : Admonitions**


	3. Communication

** Fraudulences Of Words**  
An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/n: ** Chapter re-edited on 4th of October, 2003, on grammar and organization of paragraphs.

**Thanks to : **Madiha, Autumn, Eli Tan, Liena, Sei Morikawa, Gokugurl, Maxwell, lituska_silvermoon, Genkisaru, labyrnth, dientore

** Part Three : Communication**

Tokitoh stared at the road before him. It was blanketed with a thick layer of snow, all white and pure. Painfully he took a glance back. There, the apartment where he resides together with Kubota seems a shade darker, or was it his imagination alone? The building seems more gloomy, losing its fresh white appeal. Contrasting to the newly-fallen snow, the apartment is indeed _gray_,...

Gritting his teeth in determination, Tokitoh took a few bold steps into the snow-laden path. The chilling wind bit into his bones, sending shivers down his spine. He pulled his jacket closer to him, and slowly made his way to the busy streets of Yokohama. Nothing greeted him much for the exception of the young buds of those cherry blossom trees, decked with icicles of crystal upon the brown braches of the tree. Tokitoh took a shortcut through a park, trying to get to the nearest _ chikatetsu_ [subterranean train/underground train/subway] station. 

As he passed through the park, he could see kids spending some time off there. Merry laughter filled the spacious air as the atmosphere there was jovial. Snowballs of various size whizzed from one corner of the park to another, with kids dressed in thick sweaters and overcoats running by, smiling and laughing. Tokitoh stood there, watching the kids enjoy themselves. Suddenly a snowball flew by, almost knocking Tokitoh. He dodged, and the snowball landed squarely on a young boy's face. The kid doubled over, fell down on his knees, and cried. 

Tokitoh was about to assist the young one when suddenly another boy, a presumably older one, rushed by. 

"_Daijobu ka _[Are you all right]_, _Souchiro?" The older one asked calmly, but nonetheless, concerned. The crying boy, Souchiro, looked up, and nodded. "_Ee _[Yes], Seki." Seki, the older one, pulled Souchiro up and helped him on his feet. Suddenly he noticed Souchiro's knees were bleeding profusely. Seki frowned. "Come, we'll better get back and I'll help you to put some medicine." "Never mind, I'm fine." Souchiro said, gritting his teeth. 

"Come on, Souchiro..." Seki persuaded softly. With a sad smile he said, "I shouldn't have thrown that snowball so hard..." Souchiro looked up immediately, and exclaimed "Seki-chan! You know it is not your fault! I am the one who is careless... I did not pay attention when you threw it. Furthermore, I know you will never hurt me."

"... I'm sorry, Souchiro." Seki said softly. Souchiro's eyes brimmed with tears. "No, Seki, you are not wrong,... you are my friend! You are my friend forever, right?" "Yes. Your friend, always." Seki answered, smiling. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Souchiro. "Don't cry."

"Friends forever." said Souchiro, smiling happily. "Friends, forever." echoed Seki. He took Souchiro by the hand, and pointed to a vacant spot in that park. "Come on, why not both of us build a snowman? Then both of us won't get hurt." 

"Agreed!" Happily the two children ran to the place aforementioned, and started piling up snow. Soon, many kids joined them, and with laughter everyone contributed to building the snowman.

Tokitoh, who stood there watching the whole scene, bit his lips. 

_"Friends forever." "Friends, forever."_

_Once upon a time, Kubota and I said that before,... but how long did we last? Even small kids understand the simplicity of a friendship, and yet us adults take that for granted. Give a young child a friend, and they will treasure it nicely like a new toy. _

_... but will they throw that 'toy' away when the joy is gone, and the tears came pouring in? Will friends be forgotten on what you call ignorance and intolerance? _

Tokitoh, with one last lingering gaze at the group of kids now happily involved in their snowman-making session, walked on, his heart heavier than lead.

* * * 

The _chikatetsu _ [subway train] station was jam-packed, as Tokitoh predicted it would be. It was holiday time, and school's off. Which give Tokitoh more reason not to worry about his getaway from Kubota. Then he didn't have to play truant or fake illness to cover up for his disappearance. They have about ten days more worth of school holidays. 

Tokitoh opened his wallet, glad to find that it was full to the brim, and he will not have to worry about surviving for the first few days. If he managed to settle down in somewhere, maybe he could find a job or two...

... Suddenly, his idea of running away seemed a little tad too,... meaningless.

There are so much factor to consider, to look at. How is he supposed to support himself when the money runs out? Okay, he could have just go to the nearest bank and withdraw out some from his account, but what if those too, ran out? He will have to work. Okay, if he works, then how about school? Attend school and get a part-time job? Oh no,... no no no, Tokitoh, you will have to face Kubota in school! Okay, so he will have to change school.... but that is no worry.... he have about a week more to get back to school... so no problem,... 

.... wait wait wait...

_The main idea now is to get a place to live in. _ Tokitoh reasoned as he got himself a place in the packed train. It was peak hour, so the 'human-traffic' was more than bearable. Tokitoh was stuffed into the train as he, along with hundreds, if not thousands, of others, made their way to their own destination. 

In the train, packed as sardines in a can, Tokitoh checked his wallet. Sufficient enough to stay in a hotel, at least for a night or two. Even if he ran low on cash, he could just easily withdraw some from his back account. Figuratively he could survive the silent and cold December winter by himself. 

Tokitoh surveyed the scene. Everyone in the train was happily chattering away, or silently standing [or sitting], hands upon briefcases and cellular phones, some hands tightly clutching another, mothers holding their children close while talking to other housewives,... the train was buzzing in happy vibes. Tokitoh smiled as he watched a naughty little boy pulled off a little girl's Christmas hat. 

"It is Christmas soon,..." Tokitoh mused, still watching the little boy's antics. Every Christmas, he spent his time at home, watching the snow fall down by the window, his afternoons with friends,... 

_I guess this year will be a little different, ne?_

The little boy continued to pester the young girl. Defiantly the young girl gave him a whack on the head, causing him to cry immediately. Tokitoh stifled a laugh. Somehow watching those innocent angels playing before him seems heartening. Suddenly the train came to a halt, signifying the end of his journey. Tokitoh got up, and walked out to a somehow fresh environment. He felt better. 

"Tokyo Station." The signboard read as Tokitoh looked up. Beneath those words beeped a digital clock with numbers. "6.50pm" 

"_K'so..._" Tokitoh cursed as he hurried along. Stepping into the bustling streets of Tokyo Metropolis, he wandered about. Everywhere he saw was of neon signs glaring brightly at him. People rushed by, all after work, as businessmen in smart suits ascended and descended the stairs to the subway stations. Shops were still occupied by consumers of many kind, mostly doing their shopping for the festive seasons. Most shops have that Christmas insignia of red and green ornaments, fake snow or a Christmas tree. Tokitoh bit his lips. "First things first." He reminded himself as he decided to look out for a hotel. 

He came upon a hotel, something not too posh, just your average hotel. Slowly, he entered through the sliding doors towards the receptionist. 

"May I help you, sir?" The pretty receptionist greeted him cheerfully as he approached the counter. "Single room, please." 

"I'm sorry, sir. All of our rooms are unavailable. Would you like to take a suite instead?" 

"No, thanks. It is all right." Tokitoh thanked her as he left. _Tsk,... I guess I have to find another, eh?_

After the next few tries in several hotels came in no avail, Tokitoh almost gave up. He turned into another corner, and came upon the footsteps of another hotel. 

"Good evening, sir. May I help you?" A middle-aged man greeted him politely at the reception counter. 

"Single room, please." 

"I'm sorry, we are out of those, sir. Would you care to take one of our suites instead?" The man offered. Tokitoh silently groaned in his heart. Nonetheless he agreed. He didn't want to walk his way back to the first hotel then. Either way, the rates would be almost the same, right? 

"All right, sir. Here is your key to Suite number 87, the 5th floor of the hotel. Do you want me to show you the way?" 

"No thanks." Tokitoh took his keys and walked out of the hotel. He want to take this opportunity to explore Tokyo thoroughly, to breathe in that enthralling nightlife that was primarily Tokyo. 

Slowly he walked, sightseeing as he passed by those stalls. He kind of enjoyed his solitude, his own wandering here, alone and not bothered by anyone. _It felt oddly nice... like some kind of newly attained freedom that I could not describe,... some new sensation within myself. I guess maybe, maybe I should learn to live on my own, and enjoy life by myself. I should not depend on anyone anymore._

_I should not depend on Kubo-chan._

That very thought stung him hard. Tokitoh bit his quivering lips. 

_Admittedly, albeit all this newfound freedom that I am currently enjoying, that sense of longing still tugged gently at the back of my heart. _

_I wish I never had to fight with Kubo-chan. I wish he could just understand his significance in my life. I wish he knew..._

_... he knew, didn't he? Or did he ignore it? Or something else..._

Tokitoh felt disappointed. Losing his own intentions to continue his exploring, he grudgingly trudged back to the hotel. He felt hungry anyway, so why not return to the hotel for some dinner? 

The sliding doors greeted him prominently as he stepped inside. The lobby was filled with people. Tokitoh made his way to the restaurant located at the same level. It was a small, cozy dining place which served Japanese cuisine. Each tables were placed in a cubicle-like design, and the dimly-lit surroundings gave a romantic and soft ambience. Not many people were there. Mostly were couples, sitting together [facing each other or side-by-side] enjoying dinner. 

The waiter took Tokitoh's order shortly, and left to attend to his orders. Tokitoh took several glances around. Since his table was located quite at the back, he had a strategic view of what's going on in the place. Nothing caught his attention much, but when he turned back and saw who were the ones at the table at the far-end corner, he almost jumped. 

Matsumoto and Tachibana. 

"_K'so..._ what are they doing here..." muttered Tokitoh as he continued staring at them. Apparently Matsumoto and Tachibana did not notice the presence of Tokitoh in the same place as they were. 

Tokitoh silently watched them. Tachibana was leaning over to Matsumoto, and spoke something inaudibly. Slowly, he pressed his forehead against Matsumoto's, and gently lowered down his face. 

Tokitoh need no explanation of what is coming next. He closed his eyes [or rather, his whole face] with his hands, and kept on muttering "I did not see anything. I did not see anything." like a Gregorian chant. 

"Ahem, sir, your food is served." 

Tokitoh jumped up and stared at the waiter in astonishment. Realizing how stupid he looked, he nodded and murmured his thanks. Slowly he consumed his dinner, swearing that he will not turn around to take another peek at the twosome. 

... because, seeing them together reminded him of his own dilemma. 

Suddenly a strange thought burned within the columns of his mind. 

_I wish I could have Kubo-chan beside me now. He will like this kind of place, this kind of restaurant with dim lights and sophistication,... _

_Tsk. Bad liar, Tokitoh. You wish he was here because you think he will like such a place? Liar. Tokitoh, you are a bad liar._

_You wished for Kubota to be here because the awful truth is that you miss him a lot. Isn't it so?_

_Shut up! _

Tokitoh gritted his teeth. He folded his arms, and leaned upon the table and closed his eyes. 

_I don't know...._

_Don't lie, Tokitoh. You want him. You miss him. You wish that he is here now, isn't it?_

_I don't know!_

_Tokitoh, admit it. _

_I don't know, damn it! I said I don't know!_

_Why not return to him now? Go back home._

_... no. No matter what, I'm not getting back. I don't want to lose again in this game of Love._

_So determined, eh?_

_... yes._

"Oh, Tokitoh?" 

Tokitoh looked up, and found himself staring into the eyes of Tachibana as that beautiful assistant of President Matsumoto gave him an enigmatic smile. Dressed up in a simple dark blue long-sleeved shirt and black patent leather pants, both Tachibana and Matsumoto looked definitely like a couple. "Why are you here alone, Tokitoh?" Tachibana asked politely. Matsumoto did not say anything, but placed one arm possessively around Tachibana's waist. 

"... urm,..." Tokitoh hesitated. 

"Where is Makoto?" Matsumoto asked, raising one eyebrow. It was obvious that something must have happened between Kubota and Tokitoh, for it is a rare sight to see them apart. 

"Kubo-chan,... urm,.. he..." Tokitoh bit his lips. He did not want to say that both of them got into a fight. "He's not here tonight." Tokitoh finished it. 

"Oh,... well, we got to go now. Take care, Tokitoh." Tachibana and Matsumoto waved goodbye to him. Tokitoh nodded. Somehow he felt a little downhearted. 

"... he is not here tonight... not here with me." Tokitoh murmured as he bit his lips, his eyes slowly watching the figures of those two disappear behind the doors of the restaurant. 

* * * 

"So they fought?" Tachibana commented as Matsumoto slammed the telephone. They were in their room, spending some quality time in privacy. Matsumoto nodded. He sighed. "I was told by Makoto that he said something that pissed Tokitoh off." 

"Oh? So is Kubota regretting it?" Tachibana questioned as he ran his hand on Matsumoto's bare chest. Matsumoto shook his head, smiling. His hand caught Tachibana's, and slowly pulled the other guy upon his body. Tachibana relented, and slowly he ran his lips over Matsumoto's neck, sending delicate shivers down his spine. And as he reached the collarbone, he plunged his teeth into Matsumoto's skin, causing the latter to gasp. 

"You don't have to be that devilish, _koi_,... I've just finished dinner." Matsumoto retorted when he finally found the breath to speak again. Tachibana smiled deviously, and surveyed his own work. A nice mark was present, with a faint ring of blood. Matsumoto bit his lips. "That was painful,..." 

Tachibana kissed the mark gently. "Feeling better?" "Very funny." Matsumoto replied sarcastically. 

Slowly Tachibana laid his head down onto Matsumoto's chest, listening to the heartbeat of his own lover. Matsumoto embraced Tachibana tenderly, and ran his fingers though the latter's silky hair. Slowly he inhaled. Tachibana always smelt so exotic, something alluring and seductive, both on his skin and his hair. And that makes him so enticing. Matsumoto concluded his own delusions as he nibbled gently on Tachibana's ear, enjoying the ethereal sensation that enveloped the whole room. 

"Matsumoto..." Tachibana called softly. "Mmm?" 

"I'm worried about Tokitoh." 

"Hmm,... what is it then?" Matsumoto asked gently. 

"I don't really like how Kubota treated him this way... poor Tokitoh,... didn't you notice that look in his eyes?" Tachibana said softly. Matsumoto sighed as he hugged his lover closer to him. 

"I understand,... I don't approve what Makoto did either." 

They lay there in silence. After a pregnant moment of pause, Tachibana got up. "We've got to do something." 

"But isn't this totally out of our business?" Matsumoto commented as he hunt for his discarded clothing. Tachibana tossed him his own clothes, and put on his. Matsumoto leaned closer, his fingers slowly buttoning Tachibana's shirt for him. Tachibana snaked his hands through Matsumoto's and buttoned the other's shirt. When they completed their task, their hands were tangled between each other's. 

Tachibana gave Matsumoto a tender kiss on his lips. "I understand the meaning of loneliness, _koi_. I don't want to see someone feeling hurt. After all, I'm only giving advices and nothing else to him, _ne?_" 

* * * 

For three hours non-stop, Tokitoh sat there, not moving, upon that couch located in one secluded corner of the hotel, watching feet shuffled before him, in and out. Suddenly he felt arms sliding around his shoulders, and the familiar notion of a face pressed to his neck. Immediately he spun around. "Kubo-chan?" 

Tachibana looked up at him, smiling. 

Tokitoh threw Tachibana's arms away from him, jumped up from the couch and glared at the slender guy. "What the hell do you think you're doing???" 

"Me?" Tachibana pointed to himself. "Just here to give you a pointer, Tokitoh." He positioned himself upon the couch, looking like Ganymede in a feast. 

"I don't need your pointers, Tachibana." Tokitoh spat out, enraged. 

"Look, Tokitoh, this advice might sound useless, but I'm just offering you a piece of my mind." Tachibana ran his fingers through his hair slowly. "Kubota might have been over in this case, yes, even Matsumoto and I thinks that he is over the board. But, Tokitoh, to run away is a little absurd. How long can you stay away from him? A day? Two days? A week? A month? A year? A lifetime? If so, where are you going to live, Tokitoh? Don't forget, you're sharing an apartment with him. And you attend the same school as he does. Same. Are you going to shift somewhere else after this? Undoubtedly there are a long time more before you need to worry about those, because we are still now in school holidays. But what happens when school reopens?" 

Tokitoh was quiet. 

Tachibana smiled, and got up. Slowly, he walked towards Tokitoh and laid one comforting arm on his shoulder. "Tokitoh, think properly. Don't jump to brash decisions." 

Tokitoh bit his lips. "But,... Kubo-chan,... he..." 

"It is all right. Think twice next time." With those words, Tachibana planted a gentle kiss on Tokitoh's cheek. "See you soon, Tokitoh." 

Tokitoh blushed furiously as he touched the spot where Tachibana kissed him. 

"Wait, Tachibana." 

"Ah, yes?" Tachibana asked, turning around. 

"Don't kiss me or hug me anymore. You belong to Matsumoto. I don't think he fancy watching you doing that to me, and I don't feel comfortable with that either." 

"Oh sure sure." Tachibana said dismissively as he turned around the corner and disappeared inside the elevator. 

Tokitoh sank back into the couch. 

_Think twice next time..._

_I miss Kubo-chan so much,... but did he miss me? I miss him so much... _

**End of Part 3 : Communication**


	4. Rain

** Fraudulences Of Words  
**An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N : ** Chapter re-edited on 4th of October, 2003. 

** Part 4 : Rain**

Tokitoh leaned against the wall, running his hands through the carpeted walls of the suite. Slowly he slumped down, down onto his feet, and he sat there, on the floor, his expression solemn as he could be. His eyes trailed from the lavish decoration of the suite, from the TV set on one corner, slowly, his vision shifted, to the swirling pastel colors of the carpeted walls, to the queen-size bed, to the lightings on the ceiling, to the floors and finally to the window. It was open, anyway. The night winds blew in gently, setting the translucent curtains to wave in the air. Soft, but nonetheless ghastly shadows cast by the curtains fell upon the carpeted floors like additional patterns, blending into the whole atmosphere of the suite. 

Tokitoh stared out of the window, silent. He was still thinking about the exchange between Tachibana and him during a few hours back. 

And somehow,... he felt like regretting altogether, surrender to this game, and give himself up to Kubota. He just felt like dropping down on his knees, and beg for forgiveness... 

Wait... what forgiveness? Fuck! It wasn't his fault to begin with. Blame it on Kubo-chan, who gave such sharp remarks, those words that provoked him. Blame it on Kubo-chan, the one who scorned him first. Blame it on Kubo-chan, the one who doesn't take him seriously, the one who played up his feelings! Blame it on Kubo-chan, and not him! 

Undeniably it was Kubota's fault to begin with. So why must HE return to Kubota? Why? 

His cerebrum screamed into the consciousness of his mind. He wasn't on the wrong side. It was all Kubota's fault. Simple and clean. Not his to begin with. 

It wasn't like he never live on his own before this. Before he came to know Kubota, he was living all alone too. He survived, didn't he? He is still alive after all those times... 

Only that it was much more silent then,... He was alone then,... 

NO! So what if he was alone? He was alone before, so what does loneliness have to do with this situation now? He was forever alone. Only during those times with Kubota, he thought he finally found someone who could save him from that dreadful feeling of emptiness. But now, he felt like he was wrong. Altogether wrong. He found no one yet. 

So solitude seems to be part of his life,... is it so? Tokitoh tightened his fists together. He sighed loudly in frustration. "Why???" Those words ricocheted, as if being a cruel reminder of his own path, his own option, his own life. 

Suddenly, sounds of raindrops pelting the window panes awoke him from his own jeremiad. Tokitoh stood up, and walked towards the window. Slowly, with a heavy heart, he shut the window. 

The rain was another painful reminder of another event. 

Tokitoh threw his already tired body upon those welcoming linen of the bed. He snuggled against the soft pillow and tugged the comforter around him. He felt warm, so secured suddenly, by this false world... 

"I'm living in a damned world. I'm living in a lie." Tokitoh whispered, biting his lips. But he knew he will have to hold on. He wanted to prove Kubota wrong. And furthermore, he was right... all from the start. 

Kubota was the one who caused this whole damn fight. 

* * * 

_It rained the other day too... and I still remembered everything clearly._

_It was two days after our initial kiss that sparked everything. The sun shone brightly, but nonetheless its rays gave way to the sterling night. As both of us, Kubo-chan and I, walked hand-in-hand back from Araiso Private High, both of us worn out after a whole day of schooling, it rained. It started out as a simple drizzle. As we were very near our apartment, it doesn't matter. We ignored the small, scarce shower of rain as we turned into the junction, passed the park, and back to the familiar white building that I called 'home'._

_My home. Our home. Kubo-chan and I._

_Suddenly I felt a soft brush of his lips upon my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I looked up, puzzled. He smiled genuinely, bent down and planted his lips upon mine. I was shocked, after all, it was in public, and we were standing outside of the apartment... anyone could have seen us. I thought our affair was private and personal... but there we stood, in the middle of the light drizzle, kissing, surrounded by the silhouette of the setting sun. _

_I could feel his hands tightening around my arms as the kiss deepened, as the kiss prolonged. I remembered drowning in that overwhelming sensation. I remembered that kiss. _

_Because as I drown deeper,... deeper into Kubo-chan,..._

_... he pulled back, and left me standing there. _

_I don't know why. I was surprised. Realizing that I'm left there alone, standing and gaping like some utter idiot, I dashed inside to escape the rain that was growing heavier gradually. As both of us stood there, waiting for the elevator, silence ensued. Even inside the lift, we were quiet. Not a single word exchanged between us. _

_I was hurt, too hurt to say anything. Why suddenly,... why suddenly he turned around, leaving me there? Can't he break that kiss gently, just like he usually did,..._

_Something was wrong. I could sense it. I could feel it coming._

_A storm was brewing. Slowly, it will arrive to the shore, sweeping everything away, leaving nothing but shattered pieces along the beach..._

_No... I don't want this relationship to be shattered._

_When we reached home, inside the comfy and familiar white walls, somehow I felt relaxed. Maybe Kubo-chan had his reasons after all. I consoled myself with that thought. Maybe he realized that we were kissing in public, so he decided that it was inappropriate. Maybe,..._

_... well, whatever it is, he should tell me first... or at least don't just leave me standing there!_

_I could hear his shuffling in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the both of us. And I could hear the sound of the rain growing louder... _

_I decided to take a quick shower, after all, I was 'showered' by the rain then. _

_After the bath, I felt better. I came out, topless, only clothed in my boxer shorts, hands holding the towel as I wiped my damp hair dry. As I walked out to the living room, both my path and Kubo-chan's crossed. I almost bumped into him. _

_Our eyes met,... and his gaze adverted. Away from me. He walked to the dining room steadily, holding that pot of what I presumed as dinner,... without much as a single word to me._

_I was more than hurt. I was torn apart._

_Still wiping my hair dry, I walked towards him. I slung my towel around my neck, and slowly I put my arms around him from his back. I buried my face into his back. I just don't understand why he was so silent. Even the usual Kubo-chan that I knew will at least smile or ... _

_... or do something typical of Kubo-chan. But not that false silence. _

_"Kubo-chan,... did I do anything wrong?" I remembered myself asking him softly. I don't know why I asked him that stupid question. I knew perfectly I did not do anything wrong. I did nothing, in fact! What the hell that made me ask such a question, that I do not know. It was as though I must admit to some offence that I did not commit, just for the sake of getting his damned attention. For getting back the Kubo-chan I knew, the one whom I loved so much. _

_What the fuck._

_He did not respond. He stood there, silent, non-moving,... my arms still embracing him tightly. I could not read his expression, as I was hugging him from the back... but I was so certain that his face portrayed nothingness..._

_"Kubo-chan,..."_

_Silence. I almost screamed._

_Suddenly he turned around, and embraced me tightly. I was surprised. Astonished to the bottom of everything. This was one respond that I did not expect from him. _

_I could feel the warmth of his body, pressed against my naked skin, our skin divided by nothing but the mere clothing that he wore. I could feel his lips brushing lightly on my earlobe, my neck, my shoulder..._

_"Forget about it. Let's eat dinner." _

_With those words, he released his embrace, and pulled the chair out. He sat down._

_I was more than confused, but if he planned to dismiss those feelings..._

_... well, I guess I will have to play along._

_I shrugged as I pulled out my chair and settled for dinner. _

_Dinner tasted strange,... although it was the same old thing Kubo-chan cooked for the both of us since time immemorial... or since we stayed together. Maybe the silence between us made it more and more unbearable..._

_I felt sorry for myself, and sorry for him._

_Maybe things are awkward between us. After all, it had only been two days since our little love confession that changed our status from 'Friends' to 'Lovers'._

_Yeah,... I felt strange when I remembered that he was supposed to be my 'boyfriend'... _

_So,... is our relationship killing the both of us, silently? Why? Even before, when we were close friends, Kubo-chan is indeed silent, but we do speak like normal humans. We converse. Silence was a matter of seconds,... and now it prolonged to minutes... and even hours._

_For the next few hours of the night, we spent it together... in silence. There, he sat, his nose buried behind some boring novel..._

_.. and I sat there, doing nothing, like some utter fool. So, bored to death, I switched the PS2 on, and unleashed the fury within my raging heart upon the game. As the background music of Dead Or Alive 2 : Hardcore started rolling out from the speakers, I turned around, peeking if Kubo-chan noticed anything. _

_He made no response. Fine. _

_Quite angry, I snatched the remote control from the coffee table, and blasted the volume to maximum. I could even barely hear myself think as I slammed my anger into the game. I defeated almost every opponent the CPU's AI could offer, all out of the sheer rage that dominated my heart. _

_Kubo-chan... why?_

_ * * * _

_But during the next day,... he was the perfectly normal Makoto Kubota that I knew so well..._

_So,... why? What is he trying to do? Play up my feelings?_

_I felt so pathetic, so worn out... so tired... _

_My heart ached,... so much,.... but he never knew..._

_... and the day continued like usual... a typical day in my life as part of the EC..._

_... and as his lover._

_ * * * _

The sunlight streamed from the windows, waking Tokitoh up. "Fuck...." Tokitoh cursed first-thing in the morning, and rubbed his eyes. "God damn it. Morning already? I did not realize anything..." 

He spent one whole night lamenting on the events of the past. He slowly dragged himself to his feet, and prepared himself for the day. 

So it has been one day in total, that he 'ran away' from Kubota. Today will be the 2nd day. 

* * * 

Tokitoh grudgingly settled his very high hotel bills when he checked out. Despite so, he was very thankful. He wanted very much to escape from the prying eyes of Tachibana and Matsumoto. He met them when he came down for breakfast. 

"Good morning, Tokitoh." Tachibana greeted him as both he and Matsumoto waited by the elevator, both [again] dressed in a 'couple' outfit; Tachibana in hard-collared cream-colored shirt and khaki trousers, Matsumoto in that identical shirt with a black pants to match. Tokitoh groaned inwardly when he saw them. Just what he DON'T need the most,... 

"'Morning." Tokitoh responded monotonously, trying to hint Tachibana that he wasn't interested in any form of conversation, be it polite or whatsoever. Matsumoto said nothing, but kept sending poisonous glares at Tokitoh's direction. Tokitoh ignored that fact. Somehow, he felt like laughing. He just couldn't believe that the almighty Matsumoto Kaichou was,... or to be exact, is Tachibana's _uke_... Tokitoh smothered his grin. He was too used to seeing Matsumoto bossing them around in the _seitokai _[student council],... so it was pretty amusing to find someone else bossing him around [namely Tachibana] outside of school compounds. 

After breakfast [Tokitoh avoided those twosome the whole time], Tokitoh decided to check out because he could not stand Tachibana and Matsumoto's lovey-dovey act anymore. And he don't approve the hotel rates anyway... 

So, now, Tokitoh stumbled upon his feet, and walked on the five-foot way of the busy Tokyo metropolis, trying to find his own pace in this hectic world. 

* * * 

Tokitoh spent his whole morning loitering in shopping complexes, checking out new PS2 games, as well as whatever that pleases him the most. He cashed several hundred yen on the arcade, mostly on the DDR machine, as well as several rounds on a King Of Fighters machine, just for the sheer heck of wasting his money. Then he walked out, aimless. So, not knowing what to do, he wandered inside a CD store. 

He flipped through the neatly arranged stack of CDs, mindlessly looking at the covers. His mind sidetracked, thinking about his own fate, when suddenly the radio caught his attention. 

The CD store was airing the broadcast of a local radio station through its sound system. As the previous song ended, the deejay took over. He was reading song requests, when suddenly a certain song request almost made Tokitoh jumped out of his skin. 

"As for the next song, it is dedicated by someone with the nickname 'Kubo-chan' to 'Tokitoh', with the message 'I know you'll return.'. Well, _minna-san_, it seems like this Kubo-chan is persistent to get back her boyfriend or something!" The deejay chuckled as he spun the next song. 

Tokitoh's mouth was hanging wide open, his eyes equally wide,... astonished. 

"Did I hear wrong?" he whispered to himself. Somehow, that broadcast just now sounded so weird,... by coincidence? Or are there any other Kubo-chan in Japan? Another Tokitoh? 

Tokitoh didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. He wanted to laugh at the deejay's comment. _ Persistent to get her boyfriend back... as if **my **Kubo-chan is dead persistent... and the reference of 'her boyfriend'..._

_... well, in my case, it should be 'his "girlfriend" or his "lover"...' ... tsk,... I never knew why did I consent to take the uke label... tsk. _

_... but somehow,... that 'Kubo-chan's message is bugging me... 'I know you'll return'... some kind of a threat? Or..._

_... is it really my Kubo-chan?_

Tokitoh did not realize that he was staring into blank space for quite some time as he entertained his own thoughts. A clearly puzzled and worried salesgirl waved her hands in front of Tokitoh. "Urm, sir? May I help you?" 

"Huh? Oh,... sorry." Tokitoh blushed as he realized that he let his own delusions take him far far away again. He looked up, trying to catch the last refrains of the song that the 'Kubo-chan' dedicate to the 'Tokitoh'. But the song had just ended. 

_Damn it... if it was truly Kubo-chan,... I want to know what song did he ask the deejay to play..._

"Excuse me." Tokitoh said as he approached the previous salesgirl. She looked at him inquiringly. 

"What song did the radio station play just now?" Tokitoh asked. The salesgirl shook her head. "I'm sorry, sir. I wasn't paying much attention, so I do not know." 

"Oh,.. it is okay." Tokitoh answered, his heart dropping. Curses upon his luck. 

He left the CD store abruptly, biting his lips in frustration. 

* * * 

Tokitoh almost forgot about the existence of his cellular phone when suddenly it beeped. The screen lit in clear liquidized blue. "New Message Received." 

"What the hell." Tokitoh cursed as he sat down on a bench and accessed the Messages menu. It was from Katsuragi, a simple indication that it was none other than EC business. 

"2 U EC ppl. Anyone celebrating New Year? Happy New Year in advance. Don't forget ur duties. Love, Katsuragi. =)" 

Tokitoh groaned. Not again. Another reminder of Christmas, as well as another reminder on the end of the holidays. 

Well, who cares? He still have several days to go... which means he will truly face the climax of his problems soon,... but not now. 

His fingers expertly delivered a reply SMS to Katsuragi. 

"Katsuragi-san, don't remind me of the duties... urgh. Happy New Year 2 U 2." Satisfied by his simple message, Tokitoh clicked on Sent and slid his cellular phone into his pocket. The message was simple,... yes, simple enough to make everyone think that he is still alive,... and to delay the news of his separation from Kubota. 

Well, unless Matsumoto and Tachibana went around informing them about that. 

Tokitoh sat there, looking at passer-bys and the scenery around him. The shops were all decked in red and green,... all into the festive spirits. No wonder the hotels were all full, all unavailable. Everyone was so engaged in their own agendas. Their own world. Everyone had someone. 

Everyone won't be alone for Christmas night. 

Tokitoh did not really care about Christmas, for he wasn't a Christian anyway. He didn't celebrate Christmas. He is not any religious person anyway... 

He didn't bother about that. Even the previous year he spent his Christmas night fighting with Kubota over the PS, switching from game to game. As usual, he lost most of their rounds, but he truly enjoyed himself. 

But what that truly bothered him was the New Year. 

Last year, the whole EC held a countdown party in the EC room. There was only five of them, excluding Katsuragi who just came in that year, as well as Fujiwara who was not appointed part of EC yet. They had a wild time drinking and hanging out there, just friends, all happy and enthusiastic of the year to come. Tokitoh remembered that they stayed up late just to countdown, but as the clock strike 3, 2, 1 to January the 1st, many had dozed off over exhaustion. Tokitoh himself was drowsy from those cans of _sake_, but in his subconscious mind he remembered something vaguely. 

He thought Kubota kissed him gently, and then fell down beside him, sleeping. 

Tokitoh was too tired to wake up and analyze the whole situation... 

... and he did regret it. 

Tokitoh stood up from his seat, and stretched his hands. "I'll better find some vacant rooms in any hotel... or I'll be doomed to stay in a suite again. I'll be broke by the end of three days if this continues." 

Tokitoh exited the sliding doors of the shopping complex, bringing a heavy heart along with him.

* * * 

It drizzled when Tokitoh walked out of the shopping center. "What the fuck!" Tokitoh cursed as he ran to a sheltered sidewalk, his hands on his head. The walkways were filled with people, all from after work. Tokitoh sighed as he blended into that sea of humans, making his way through the human traffic. As he walked, he saw many many faces, all unfamiliar, all unknown. Somehow he found a hidden sense of security behind his anonymity here. It was like a facade, a shield that hid him from the deadly daggers of the horrible Truth. As far as he is concerned, one encounter with a familiar face is enough... and he wish for no more. 

He preferred this silent course, as much as he loathed it. He felt somehow reassured when he walked his way through all these strangers. 

Until,... 

... until he came face to face with Kubota. 

Tokitoh's blood drained from his face immediately when he saw that extremely recognizable face. That same old spectacles. That same old hairstyle. That same old Kubo-chan of his. 

Tokitoh almost choked. He felt like the world stopped around him suddenly. Kubota was walking directly to where he stood. 

Tokitoh felt his mouth went strangely dry. His throat felt like sandpaper. He could only stare... confused... 

_Don't!_ His brain hollered. _Remember what he did to you?_

_But,.. but,... Kubo-chan,... I still love him... I do..._ His heart pleaded against his own mind. He felt like he was torn apart. His mind screamed no. His heart yelled yes. 

And Kubota came closer. 

_Don't... Tokitoh,... remembered what he said? He was so confident that you will return. Prove it that you will never. Just prove it. Remember all the times when your affections were unreturned? Remember when he was so silent, he said nothing and ignored you? Remember all the times when you did nothing wrong, but ended up saying "Sorry" just to mend everything? Are you going to take the blame forever? Are you going to shoulder all those dreadful times? Do you want to prove him wrong... for once?_

Tokitoh closed his eyes as he debated. His mind told him no... 

_But, Tokitoh... remember all those times in isolation? When there is no one to comfort you... when there is no one beside you... when no one was your friend... until Kubota came into your life... Remember all those times when the two of you were so close,... two hearts beating like one,... two souls united... two become one..._

_And remember how much you suffered before in silence, when totally no one was there? _

So was his heart's reasoning. 

Tokitoh shook his head slowly. No... No... 

He did not know what to do. And he could feel the presence of Kubota,... closer,... closer... 

... and Kubota walked pass him, his coat brushing lightly against Tokitoh's arm. Tokitoh turned, and bit his lips in astonishment. Why... why... 

_Kubo-chan,... you,..._

Tokitoh almost break down and cry. He couldn't believe it. Kubota acted like he don't even recognized him! What the hell! Tokitoh felt like running after Kubota and give him a tight slap. 

_Kubo-chan,... how could you break my heart,... again and again?????_

Tokitoh screamed in the columns of his now void mind. He could not stand it anymore. 

He stood there, biting his lips, clenching his fists, watching Kubota walk away, further and further. Suddenly, he was astonished. 

Kubota stopped in his tracks, and turned around. Slowly, he walked back. 

Tokitoh's heart skipped a beat. "Kubo-chan..." he whispered, and held his breath. 

Tokitoh's feet moved a little, and he walked one step. And another. Then he stopped. He was bewildered. What is he supposed to say to Kubota if Kubota really return for him? 

"Akira!" Tokitoh's eyes bulged as he sidestepped in time as a petite girl came running forward, and threw her arms around the supposedly Kubota. "What the ..." Tokitoh could find the words to say. He was now extremely astonished. 

"You're late again, Rei." The guy, Akira said as he bent forward and gave her a kiss. Tokitoh couldn't believe his ears and his eyes, as well as his other senses either. 

_This is god-damned crazy.... this is god-damned fucking crazy..._

He did not know whether to be relieved or to be disappointed. Somehow,... knowing that it wasn't Kubota, he felt relieved at the fact that Kubota did not ignore him. 

But he was disappointed. He wished that it was indeed Kubota... somehow... for some reason he did not know why. 

Emotions mixed up like an infusion of colors on a palette, Tokitoh made his way into the bustling streets of Tokyo as night falls. 

**End of Part 4 : Rain**


	5. Enervate

** Fraudulences Of Words  
**An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N : ** Reposted on 4th of October, 2003.

**Dedicated To: **lituska_silvermoon, for the advice and for being there.

** Part 5 : Enervate**

Tokitoh passed by more and more rows of shops as he entered the heart of Tokyo. As usual, the night is still young, and many people were spending the available hours to get those last-minute preparations done. Mostly were shopping for gifts. New Year gifts. Salesgirls with Santa hats were standing by the shop entrance, calling out for customers as well as attracting the bustling crowd. Needless to say, it was a busy night.

Tokitoh couldn't bear the crowded walkways, so he escaped into a shop which was not that packed. _ Better hang out here for a while,... do some lazy browsing while waiting for the crowd to subside..._

Tokitoh looked around. He was in a sports equipment shop. Okay. He might as well as entertain himself here, far from the sardine-like condition of the streets. Tokitoh walked across the aisle, taking an occasional glance at the equipments on sale. Several customers were there, choosing their items of purchase. Suddenly, a familiar voice called out for him.

"Tokitoh!"

"Hmm??" Tokitoh spun around, and spotted one of his EC members, Matsubara, at the next aisle. He walked there. "Oh, hi. What are you doing here?" Tokitoh asked casually. Inside his heart, he was cursing fervently. _Damn. Why am I subjected to meet almost everyone I know????? God, you're playing such a damn fucking joke on me. _

"I'm here to choose a gift for my friend. But so far, I'm stuck... I don't know what he wants!" Matsubara exclaimed, exasperated. Tokitoh gave a knowing nod. He hated to choose gift for someone too. Sometimes it is indeed hard to make up your mind. 

"Have you narrowed down your choices?" Tokitoh questioned as he picked up a black cap with a silver Adidas embroidery upon it, and adjusted it upon his head. He took a glance at the mirror nearby. _Not bad... _Tokitoh mused as he took it off and returned the cap to its original resting place.

Matsubara gave a helpless shrug. "I figured that I will get him a cap or something... hey! Since you're here, why not help me?" 

"Anything." Tokitoh answered. He was not in a hurry or whatsoever, so why not help out? Furthermore, the crowd outside showed no signs that it will lessen anytime.

Both Tokitoh and Matsubara browsed through the racks that were hung with caps. Matsubara picked up a cap with a pro baseball team insignia on it. "How about this?" He tossed the cap to Tokitoh for inspection. Tokitoh flipped the cap over, the silver and gold thread glimmered in the white luminescent light. "Nice." Matsubara returned the cap to the place where he took the cap, and retrieved another, this time a black cap with the Nike logo on it. "How about this?" "Nice too." Tokitoh answered. Matsubara held his hands up in exasperation. He took another cap, this time to test Tokitoh's reaction. "What about this?" 

"Equally nice." 

Matsubara's eyes widened. "Are you all right, Tokitoh?" "Yes, I am." Tokitoh answered, frowning. "Then, are you paying attention?" "Yes." That earned a grin from Matsubara. "Take a nice look at the cap, Tokitoh." Tokitoh's frown deepened as he took the cap from Matsubara's hand and glanced at the embroidery on it. It was a logo of one of Japan's most popular women's basketball team. _No wonder Matsubara asked me to get a double take on that cap... he is shopping for his friend,... a guy, no less... figuratively he is not into women's basketball... _

"Get what I mean? Tokitoh, seriously, you are some sort of distracted." Matsubara remarked lightly as he placed the caps back on the rack. Tokitoh bit his lips. Distracted? Well, admittedly he is. A little. 

"Well, I am not distracted,... just a little... tired." Tokitoh denied, grinning. "Don't worry about me, Matsubara. I'll help you look for something decent, okay?" Matsubara gave him a nod. Tokitoh fished another cap from the rack. "How about this? I think this one is cool." 

Matsubara took the cap and examined it. "Yeah,... this one is nice... Okay, maybe I'll get this, but meanwhile I want to browse for more. Who knows, something better will turn up." Tokitoh nodded, and went to the other rack over the other side, which was laden with caps and also hats [you know, the fisherman hat kind? The one which was in trend about a year or two back?] 

Tokitoh looked outside of the shop. The crowd showed no signs of subsiding. And yet, the night is still young. Tokitoh shrugged. He might as well as entertain Matsubara here. Somehow, having a company keeps his mind from wandering off too far. 

"Oh yeah, did you hear that song dedication by Kubota to you this afternoon?" Matsubara said as he walked over to Tokitoh after finish browsing the other shelf. Tokitoh almost jumped when he heard that question. "What did you say?" Tokitoh asked slowly. He thought his ears deceived him. 

"Hmm, didn't you know that Kubota dedicate a song to you this afternoon? Didn't he inform you about it?" Matsubara mentioned, his face puzzled. Tokitoh was about to say "Didn't you know that we fought the other day?" when suddenly he remembered the utter truth. _I did not tell anyone about this... for the exception of Tachibana who has already suspected me... so now Kubo-chan himself decided to play stupid... fine! I won't be that pathetic to complain or whatever! I'll just have to go on with his stupid game then...._

"Oh,... you mean that song dedication thing... yeah,... I know..." Tokitoh answered casually as he tossed a cap to Matsubara. "That one is nice." Tokitoh pointed to the cap, trying to change the subject. Matsubara flipped the cap over. "Hmm,... maybe. I still prefer the other one." He set down the cap onto the shelf. "By the way, I just love that song that Kubota dedicate to you! Don't you think Ayumi Hamasaki is totally cool? I love that song, 'SURREAL'. By the way, why did Kubota dedicate it to you? Why that song? [1]" 

_Oh.... so that is it. That song... _ Tokitoh shrugged. "Who knows? Kubo-chan picked that song, not me. Anyway, which one? I'm not exactly a fan of Ayumi's, so I am pretty clueless here..." 

"Hmm, didn't you hear the dedication?" "I did." "Then?" "I skipped the song. I managed to catch the message and all, though." Tokitoh explained. Matsubara gave him a Oh-I-See look. "Well, that song was from her 'Duty' album. Check it out if you have some time. The song is meaningful, I tell you." Matsubara closed his eyes as he hummed a few lines from that song. "Oh yeah, where were we? Okay, Tokitoh, decide on which cap. It's kind of late. I got to go soon." Matsubara remarked as he took a glance at his wristwatch. 

"The black one." Tokitoh pointed. Together, both of them went to the cashier. As Matsubara paid for the cap, Tokitoh sighed in relieve when he noticed the crowd outside had already lessen. Matsubara and Tokitoh walked out. "Ah, Tokitoh, where are you going after this?" 

"Hmm, walk around, I guess?" Tokitoh answered nonchalantly. _Oh no... here we go again... now that I remembered I need to get myself a place for the night,..._

"Okay. I'm off to home now. See you." Matsubara waved goodbye to Tokitoh. Tokitoh smiled, and returned that wave. He started walking to the other direction when suddenly Matsubara's voice rang through the noisy crowd. "Tokitoh!" 

"Huh?" Tokitoh turned around, perplexed. "What?" 

"What does Kubota mean by 'I know you'll return'?" 

_Aaarrgh! _ Tokitoh gritted his teeth as he ignored Matsubara and disappeared into the crowd. 

_How god-damn frustrating. How god-damn infuriating. And how Kubo-chan work on my nerves... _

* * *

"Oh,... so that was what that happened..." Kubota's lips arched into a semi-smile as he took a sip from the cafe latte he was drinking. The cafe was quite packed, despite its location that was on the outskirts of Tokyo. At the secluded corner of the cafe sat four figures, Kubota, Matsumoto, Tachibana and now the current one to join them, Matsubara. Tachibana was seated at the edge of the sofa-like two-seater, Matsumoto's head on his shoulders. Matsumoto did nothing except intertwining his fingers in between Tachibana's slender ones. 

Kubota did not want to spend his precious time with this irksome couple who is more than glad to show their intimacy in the seclusion of the public eye. But for the sake of his own game, and for the sake of Tokitoh, he guessed that this is much more tolerable than some certain aspects of the future that might happen to him. For instance, losing Tokitoh, living without Tokitoh, EC without Tokitoh, losing Tokitoh, losing Tokitoh, losing Tokitoh, losing Tokitoh and losing Tokitoh. 

Did he mention that he doesn't like to lose Tokitoh? Figuratively he did. 

But the game is on. He doesn't like losing. Oh no, not at all. Call him a sore loser, but he'll rather forfeit the game. Be it. Call the game off. He's not playing. 

But, the game is on. And he love that game too much. 

"Kubota, you're making him sad." Tachibana lightly commented as he motioned for the waiter from a distance to come and take Matsubara's orders. The one who had just arrived made his order of espresso, and then exclaimed, "Can somebody explain what's going on? For some unknown reason I am called by you people to investigate on Tokitoh, and now I'm called to be here, and I am supposed to be back by ten! I need to give my friend his present before he leaves for Aomori tonight at 11pm!" 

"We're in the middle of a Student Council case, Matsubara. Call your friend and tell him that you'll send him the gift through mail. The Student Council will pay for the shipment. Satisfied?" Matsumoto snapped as he took his cup of coffee using his free hand. Tachibana suppressed a chuckle. "Matsubara, I'm sorry that we are delaying you here... but this is quite important. It involves the both of our best EC members,... and as you know, Araiso Private High is much hard to control without the complete team of EC. I hate to see things shattered when the school reopens." 

"Well,... all right... but can someone explain what happened?" Matsubara said, frowning. Tachibana was about to speak up, when Kubota suddenly held up his hands and said "I'll explain this one myself." 

"Well, a quarrel broke out between Tokitoh and I. Somehow, he decided to leave..." Kubota let his words trailed, and gave Matsubara a meaningful look. Matsubara nodded. "Oh... so he's not returning yet?" 

"Absolutely. I want him to return, but we can't directly make him do so." Kubota explained. Matsubara frowned. "Why? Why can't we just make him come back?" 

Tachibana laughed. "Well, apparently someone challenged Tokitoh to never return." Kubota smiled, and nodded. "Exactly." 

Matsubara gave them a wry smile. "So, in this sense, you want Tokitoh to lose in this challenge?" "Sort-of." Kubota admitted, smiling again. "But seriously I don't want to lose him." 

"And the EC will be handicapped in the absence of Tokitoh. And the Student Council will be a little bit of ... troubled." Matsumoto remarked. "Obviously you won't want to see that happen, right?" His sentence came out slightly on the verge of threat. Matsubara nodded, gulping. The _seitokai kaichou _[Student Council President] gave an approving nod. "So, that is why we have to get them both... back together." 

_Back together? In what sense? We're more than mere friends or papers that are super-glued... idiot. _Kubota drained the remainders of his cup, not wanting to spend more time with the torturous Kaichou and his Fukukaichou any longer. Those two are getting more and more irritating, especially when they are together. _Either way, Matsumoto, if the EC stick more than one finger in my game, you people are dead. I didn't realize that Tachibana and him decided to play in this game too. They even called Matsubara to spy on Tokitoh. How pathetic. And they're intruding into my private game... my own game of cat-and-mouse with Tokitoh._

_But somehow, can I call these fickle assistants a nice leaping stone in my own game? Another pawn in my own court? Or another dangerous snake frolicking in my territory?_

_Deadly... but I'll continue my game... because I want Tokitoh, back... no matter what it takes._

Kubota left immediately without bidding the rest goodbye. Time to set the second bait after the 'SURREAL' thing. Somehow, this game is getting better and better... 

* * *

Tokitoh walked the entire street of shops with his hands clenched, fists balled up, teeth gritted, brow frowned, face soured... somehow Matsubara's farewell words made him angry. He couldn't believe it. So what? Return? Who wants to return now? Who even cares to return? Who ... who ... who wants to return to where they belonged... 

... but do they belong there anymore? 

Tokitoh felt like he lost his balance, the equilibrium of the world, the equipoise of the universe. He felt his legs gave away to the heated black tar road, sinking upon the ebony floors that was worn and exhausted like him too. He could have cried. He wanted to. But no tears came out. He felt sad. Sorrow. Down. Despair. 

He supported himself on his own will and all the remaining strength he forced himself to summon. His pace slackened. He wanted rest. He wanted a place to sink down and cool his own heart, to calm his own soul... to take a breath and continue living like before... 

Minus Kubo-chan. 

Tokitoh slowly walked to the five-foot way, and found himself passing by those brightly lit shops. Those glaring white luminescent lights looked if they were mocking him. Tokitoh frowned, his eyes squinting, trying to sift the glare. He walked on, and on, and on, as far as his legs will and willing to carry him. 

Suddenly, a gentle gust of artificial wind greeted him as a lady exited a shop in front of him, the glass door opened. Tokitoh entered the shop, ignorant of whatever it sold, but he was there all for the air conditioner, at least, something to chill him a little. He knew that it was previously snowing outside, admittedly it is still snowing lightly, but his heart was burning with a fire of rage that is impossible to be put out. 

His face was drenched by pearls of crystalline water. Perspiration. Or maybe even his tears in vain. He didn't know. He doesn't even want to know. Tokitoh wiped them off, and looked up. 

_Figures... another CD shop? I've had enough of this today! _ Tokitoh moaned as he felt like leaving there immediately. But before he did so, he want to clarify something... 

"Excuse me, miss. Can you find me the album of Ayumi Hamasaki with the 'SURREAL' song in it?" Tokitoh asked the salesgirl. 

He wanted to know, why, and why, ... that song was chosen by Kubota. _I am sure he is trying to say something there... _

* * *

SURREAL by Ayumi Hamasaki

Choosing only the things you like  
isn't irresponsible.  
If you can't find anything you like  
then why accept the responsibility?  
I take only the possibilities that I'm ready to accept.  
  
If it's something you don't need then  
compassion is of no use at all.  
If it's something important then  
pain will probably accompany it.  
Loneliness that you feel together is worse  
than a loneliness that you feel  
by yourself.  
  
No matter what loneliness comes,  
no matter what pain you feel,  
you mustn't close your eyes to it.  
Because even if you lose all your  
words, even if you say it doesn't matter,  
if you stumble  
it will be there to help you up.  
That's what kind of thing it is.  
  
Ah, that promise we made that day.  
I don't want to keep it by myself.  
Ah, that far-off dream we talked of throughout the night.  
I don't want to make it come true by myself.  
I can't tell anyone. I want to tell someone, that  
the person is more important to me than anyone else.  
  
la la la-  
In a nonexistent place  
I stand as I am.  
Please be yourself.  
That's how I want you to be.  
  
la la la-  
In a nonexistent place  
I stand as I am.  
Please be yourself.  
I want you to be that way forever.

That song filled the small room that Tokitoh occupied in the two-star hotel [or namely, inn] that was situated at the edges of Tokyo. The rate there was reasonable, and the place had a homely feeling about it. Not much people checked in that night, maybe because everyone was so concentrated on spending the night in posh suites with gold handles for doors. Tokitoh didn't even care. Gold handles or not, he need a place to sleep, not a place to feel luxury in. 

Tokitoh closed his eyes as his ears caught the last refrains of the song before it faded into the next track on that CD. He almost cried. But he knew he was much too devastated to even do so. 

He had to admit, that song made sense. If Kubota truly meant what those lyrics said, then everything might have been a total misconception. A total screwed-up case. Then, why is Tokitoh wasting his time here? 

But what if Kubota is merely teasing Tokitoh? What if he is merely tearing up his heart? What if he never mean what he said? 

"Loneliness that you feel together is worse than a loneliness that you feel by yourself." Tokitoh repeated one of the lines from the song. _Am I ever lonely when I'm with him? Is it much more worse than my loneliness now, comforted by none other than the solitude of the whole damn place? Honestly I ... I felt so shattered inside... I just don't understand at all! Why must he treat me so? Why? Doesn't he love me, even as a friend or whatever? If he appreciates our friendship, he will say sorry and he won't play those fucking games with me. If he appreciates everything... why must he treat me so? Doesn't he realize the complications of this stupid game? _

He never knew... why. Just a simple word. Why. 

Tokitoh did not know what to do. He sighed loudly, his release of tension only echoed within the confined walls, a mere mockery. A mere reflection, a mere taunt. Tokitoh, out of frustration, unplugged the radio, and soon the room plunged into silence. Eerie silence. A silence so strange and yet so familiar to him. 

He turned around, and switched the lights off. And the already silent room now plunged deeper into the heart of darkness. As he laid there on his bed, he couldn't help but to think of something that also happened in inky blackness... 

Their initial kiss. 

* * *

He still kept that painful reminder in the closet of his mind. Fragile as it seems, that delicate glass piece of a dark moment in midsummer. Tokitoh remembered everything vividly, as if it was yesterday. As if it had just happened right here, as if he was a witness and the one who is feeling it altogether. As if it was a movie played on the VCR in the EC's room in Araiso Private High. As if, that is.

He remembered the darkened room, the sudden blackout. Cursing loudly as he had just finished beating Tengu, the boss monster of Dead Or Alive 2 : Hardcore, and did not manage to save it, Tokitoh put down his controller in frustration. "Fuck it. I swore that the gods are very nasty today. How in Hell could they just let a blackout occur?" complained Tokitoh as he looked around wildly. The room was dark and silent for the exception of his voice and the constant ticking of the clock. Silence,... now, where is the other person who is supposed to be in the room?

"Kubo-chan? Kubo-chan, you there?" Tokitoh called out, looking around. His efforts were much in vain, for the night has already fallen, and darkness consumed every corner of the slumbering Japan. Tokitoh moved his hands around as a guide. There. He could touch something familiar. The sofa. He inched closer. No one. So Kubota had left the sofa quite a time, but Tokitoh did not realize it. "Now, where the fuck is he?" Tokitoh muttered, still feeling his way about. He touched something hard. Ah, Kubota's book. Another thing. A cushion, probably. Tokitoh picked it up, and hugged it. Affirmative. A cushion indeed. Satisfied, Tokitoh set it back to it's own place. He made a quick calculation in his mind. "If the sofa is here, then the stools will be about there,... and the kitchen about ten steps,... and..." Tokitoh muttered, making a wild sketch in his mind. Grinning, and amused by his own memory of things, he felt his way about, when suddenly his fingers ran into something fabricated. Something soft that is much an obstacle to his movement. 

"What the hell is this?" Tokitoh pondered, and ran his fingers smoothly on it. Suddenly, with a flicker of light from a just-lit candle and a glimmer of those familiar eyes, Tokitoh jumped in surprise. "Wh-what??" He managed to say, as Kubota raised his eyebrow quizzically. "Why? Sexual harassment? I could sue you, you know?" 

Tokitoh frowned. "But... it was pitch black here. I can't make my way about, so I have to feel my way through. And how do I know that I'm running into you!" exclaimed Tokitoh, quite annoyed. Kubota gave him a wry smile. "It is all right. But I guess that with this candle about, you don't have to 'feel' your way through this house now."

"Hmmph." Tokitoh answered, folding his arms. "This day couldn't have got worse, Kubo-chan. Firstly, I've defeated Tengu at last, after endless tries using Kasumi. And the hell, a blackout occurred when I am about to save my game. Secondly, I swore that I didn't want to run myself into you just now..." Tokitoh's voice trailed when Kubota set down the candle on the coffee table, and placed his arms around him. "I know it was an accident, all right. Chill about it. I'm not mad or anything." Kubota said, chuckling. Tokitoh sighed in relieve. "Well, I am still quite unhappy. I was planning to play DOA2 throughout the night..."

"Don't be unhappy, _ne, '_beauty' Tokitoh? You can still play tomorrow. Well, I guess I won't try to hog the PS2 then." Kubota teased lightly. Tokitoh frowned. "Yeah, right. You will ended up playing 2P with me, and make me lose continuously when you use Helena. I hate it when you do that." Tokitoh pouted. Kubota smiled. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not..." Tokitoh answered, quite aware that Kubota was literally hugging him by the neck. He watched the candle flickered before them. The world was silent, with nothing in between. He could hear the distant calling of the clock, as well as Kubota's heartbeat. And he could feel his own heartbeat accelerating, pounding loudly in his ears.

"Tokitoh..." Came that soulful, deep sigh. Came that alluring voice, calling his name so differently. Tokitoh almost laughed. It was more than once, Kubota did this. Yes, call out his name in such a husky voice, as though as they contain more than one intention. As though as they contain _cruel _intentions. But as always, it ended up as a joke, something they pulled off as a mere teaser to their friends, of something to keep them guessing.

And every time, when the play repeated itself, Tokitoh found himself more and more intoxicated by it. But if Kubota insists that it was only a joke,... 

He'll have no choice but to play along.

"Hmm?" Tokitoh answered, still watching the orange flame danced slowly on the candle, leaping to the rhythm of the wind. Kubota shifted his position into a much favorable one, but suddenly he slipped away. Tokitoh looked up in surprise. _Another game. It is always like that. _Tokitoh bit his lower lip, pouting. He could hear Kubota slumped into the sofa, the leather coverings groaned under his weight as he slipped into his usual pose. Suddenly Tokitoh could feel Kubota nudged him with his hand. 

"What is it, Kubo-chan?" Tokitoh turned around. Kubota only motioned him to get closer. Curious, Tokitoh got up, and looked down at Kubota. "What is it?"

Before he knew anything, before he could decipher anything in his brain, Tokitoh was pulled down into that sofa, and onto Kubota. Surprised, he stared at Kubota. "What is it, Kubota? You're scaring me. What happened?" Kubota did not answer, but only stare deeply into Tokitoh's eyes. His lips broke into a smile. "This is for real, Tokitoh."

"What is for real?" Tokitoh questioned, confused with everything. Kubota pulled him down closer, and hugged Tokitoh's head to his chest. Lovingly he ran his fingers through Tokitoh's hair, smiling as he did so. Tokitoh was even more confused. But deep in his heart, another emotion began to stir as it was awakened. Tokitoh could only bit his lips as he realized what it might turn him into.

"Tokitoh,..." Kubota whispered his name again. Tokitoh closed his eyes. _Oh no, please don't,... Kubo-chan. Don't tease me with that delusional sensation again. I've been upset more than once,... knowing it was another game. _Suddenly he could feel Kubota tilting his chin, forcing his face to confront Kubota's. Tokitoh opened his eyes, daring himself to peek. Kubota was smiling, and gazing at him. His eyes reflected a hidden longing, something deep and dark within. Tokitoh was surprised for a moment. He thought that he was daydreaming. _No. Does his eyes say the truth? Or was it just another mirage projected by those glasses? _ Tokitoh gently took out his free hand, and took off Kubota's glasses. He set it aside on the table. But Kubota's gaze never adverted.

It was still the same look, the same haunting gaze, the enticing stare. Kubota softly placed his hands around Tokitoh's face, and brought his close to him. Tokitoh could not resist the magnetic pull. And as he felt Kubota's soft lips grazed upon his, all he could do was to kiss those invigorating lips in return. It was ever what he wanted sometimes, to just grabbed his Kubo-chan and placed his lips firmly upon the other's. Tokitoh could feel Kubota kissing him softly, taking his time not because he want to, but because of something deep, dark, and hidden. It was as though as he was carrying something painful deep inside. Tokitoh could feel that passionate moment tainted with anger, with sorrow, with pain. And with fear.

He tried dismissing all those dark feelings, but they were present. Not wanting to think more of it, Tokitoh pulled Kubota closer, kissing him even more passionately. He could feel Kubota's fingers clutching tightly at his hair, tugging those strands gently and yet firmly. Tokitoh slowly savored the kiss, knowing that this might come once only. Somehow,... behind the amorous moment that overpowered everything, Tokitoh had a feeling that it was ephemeral.

He knew that it won't last.

Kubota licked his lower lip, and tenderly bit into it. An unintentional rosary of sighs escaped Tokitoh's lips as he felt the pressure upon that kiss escalating. He could feel the blood rushing upon his face as Kubota covered his lips fully, and slowly forced his entry into Tokitoh's mouth. Slowly he let his tongue spar with Tokitoh's. Tokitoh could protest nothing at all when Kubota laid there, pinning him down to the velvety sofa, his body pressed against Tokitoh's. Ravenously he ravished hungrily upon Tokitoh's lips, leaving him with no mercy. Kiss after kiss, passionate exchanges of oxygen between them,...

Tokitoh was left into nothing but confusion. Why did Kubota suddenly do such things to him? Why not the other day, or the day before, or the day previously,... but why now? Why after so long, why making it so painful, why all the damn fucking wait? Why, why and why? Tokitoh's mind turned into static mode as Kubota assaulted him further, burying his mouth into kisses that were so long, so deep, and Tokitoh swore that he could have died from the lack of oxygen. But he knew he wanted it too. He wanted Kubota just as madly, just as much. He wanted Kubota more than anything else, now that Kubota himself broke their chain of friendship.

Tokitoh wanted to be more than just a friend. He wanted to be someone Kubota could fully trust, someone whom he could believe in, someone to call his lover.

He wanted to be someone special. Someone special to someone... 

Tokitoh's mouth was suddenly void, when Kubota withdrew from their passionate kiss all of a sudden. Tokitoh only gasped, and stared blankly at Kubota. _Now what??? _He opted to strangle Kubota in normal circumstances, but in this condition, he did not know how to react. So he just stared stupidly at Kubota. 

Kubota gave him a smile, and nudged him gently on the nose. "No comments?" Tokitoh frowned. "Just,... confused." Tokitoh admitted finally, his lips curving upwards into a sheepish grin. Kubota nodded knowingly. "Tokitoh,..."

"Kubo-chan, why... why did you kiss me just now?" Tokitoh's voice quivered when he blurted the question out. Kubota raised his eyebrow, and laughed. Tokitoh felt a little creepy when he heard Kubota laugh. It was a really rare chance to watch him laugh. His laughter was somehow rich, with a soft and yet firm manner. Tokitoh was not amused by Kubota's answer. 

"I did not kiss you, Tokitoh. You were the one who initiated that kiss." Kubota said, smiling affectionately as he ruffled Tokitoh's hair. Tokitoh could only gap at him in astonishment. "Me? I did that? What the..." Tokitoh muttered. But come to think about it... he did. He was the one who plunged his lips onto the other one first.

So, maybe it was just exactly ephemeral. Delusional. Seconds worth, but not eternal. 

"I'm sorry for what I did." Somehow those words slipped from his tongue, whether he like it or not, because he felt sorry. Sorry for himself, sorry for involving Kubota into his own jeremiad, his own confusion, his own thoughts. But Kubota shook his head. "Forget about that, Tokitoh. I would have started the kiss if you didn't." Kubota embraced Tokitoh tightly as he rolled onto the sofa comfortably beside Tokitoh, his body pressed against Tokitoh's. Tokitoh could feel the heat on his face rising slowly. To have Kubota so close to him... it felt like a dream.

"Kubo-chan..." Tokitoh mumbled as he buried his face into Kubota's chest. The sensation was overwhelming. It was driving him insane. He could barely remember himself as he let himself drown into that sinful pleasures that he was declined of before. Slowly he inhaled. He just love how Kubota smelt after his bath; the scent of musk blended upon his skin, exotic enough to send shivers up to Tokitoh's spine. All these feelings, all these emotions...

They were so alien to him, so different... but he wanted them all. 

"Tokitoh,... _ aishiteru_,... [I love you] ...for real." Kubota whispered into Tokitoh's ear as Tokitoh closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of being there with someone, with someone whom he loved so much. And to hear those words... an affirmation to everything, he was much in a state of delusion. Of a dream. Of something he did not want to wake up anymore. 

Tokitoh forgot about everything else when Kubota gently bit his earlobe, nibbling it softly, his breath tickling Tokitoh a little. Soon, Kubota's lips slid down to his neck, sending butterfly kisses along that burning trail. Tokitoh stifled a silent moan as Kubota bit him on the neck, gently, but firm enough to leave a mark there. Tokitoh mumbled something inaudible as he buried his face deeper into Kubota's chest and nuzzled into it. "Kubo-chan..." 

Tokitoh's smaller frame fit perfectly into Kubota's arms as the both of them laid there, interlocked within an embrace. The whole place was so dark; Tokitoh could barely see anything except for themselves, for the light of the lone candle shone in their direction, casting an aura around them. Dark... so dark... Tokitoh closed his eyes and inhaled. He never knew such things before, such intimacy, such feelings... such pleasure! If he could own it forever,... to keep this within his ten fingers, he will keep it guarded with his life, forever. He would lock this up and throw the keys away, so that it will be forever with him...

... if only.

Kubota bit Tokitoh's lips gently. He noticed that Tokitoh was a little quiet. "Why, Tokitoh?"

"Will you be with me, forever?"

Kubota smiled when he heard that sentence. Somehow he sensed irony in that question. And he knew the answer. He bent a little lower, his face just a little over Tokitoh's, and his voice dropped an octave lower. "Remember all those times, when we used to say 'Friendship Forever'?"

Tokitoh nodded.

"I'll be with you, forever."

Deep in his heart, Tokitoh somehow felt that those words are, like all other words, ... fraudulent. 

_Forever? How long is that??? Don't promise me the sun and the moon and the stars if all you can promise is an ounce of sand. Kubo-chan,... please, don't break that promise... and keep this forever. I hope that those words are truthful and not deceitful._

Tokitoh whispered softly. "Promise?" He looked up, eyes shining with inner hope. Kubota gave him an assuring smile, and their lips met in another passionate moment, together.

"I promise."

**End of Part 5 : Enervate**

**Reference: **Lyrics of Ayumi Hamasaki's 'SURREAL' courtesy of the Divine Ayu site at 


	6. If

** Fraudulences Of Words  
**An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N : ** Reposted on 4th of October. Implied R-rated scene in this chapter. You've been warned. **wink**

**Dedicated to : **labrynth and lituska_silvermoon, with lots of love. 

** Part 6 : If**

"That promise we made that day... I don't want to keep it by myself." 

* * *

Two figures laid there in the darkness, only to be surrounded by an aura of gold cast by the lone candle, standing in the soft midnight breeze. It was silent, still, quiet, so silent that Tokitoh himself could hear Kubota's heartbeat pounding lightly with regular frequency. Those rhythm melted into the surreal silence that enveloped the room in such delicateness that Tokitoh was almost certain, if a needle dropped in the middle of this strange clarity of space, everything could be shattered by that single interference. 

A gust of wind blew in, sending the translucent curtains flying in the eerie lone glow of the silver moon. The electricity had not been installed back. Well, Tokitoh did not care either. Lights on or lights off, what's the difference? For without this little interruption to his game on the insignia black console, nothing will ever happen between the two of them. Without the blackout, he will be seated in front of their second-hand television, fingers interlaced between combo entries and key pressing rather than fingers interlaced between silky strands of dark brown hair. Without the blackout, he will be leaning against the leather of the sofa behind him, and not to be leaning against the warm body of his friend. Oops... wait... his friend or his lover? 

There he laid now, deep within Kubota's embrace, well safeguarded within warmth and shelter, himself tightly huddled inside like he was seeking protection within that inner shell. It felt so comforting, as it had always been, but this time the emotions that were stirred spelt of something much different. Tokitoh knew well that this time it was more than appreciation of a friendship but instead a deep invoked sensation of love, boiled by the cauldron of lust. 

And he could feel gentle, soft lips brushed against his forehead. Tokitoh's lips curled into a smile of gratification, enjoying that feeling of surreal that became much familiar to him already since the start of this beautiful moment.

Kubota nipped softly at Tokitoh's earlobe, and tugged it with his lips. His breath prickled Tokitoh, making the smaller one squirmed a little, maybe out of impulse rather than command. "Tokitoh,..." Kubota's voice dropped an octave lower, somehow tinged with a sense of urgency in it. Tokitoh could only mumble out the words "Mmm mmm?" as Kubota's lips suddenly engulfed his in a passionate kiss again. Tokitoh shifted himself a little as the kiss prolonged, his body tensing up when Kubota's fingers teasingly stroked on his chest, up and down in swirls and twirls, and back up again, those slender fingers trailing around the collar, seductively making light contacts with the skin on the neck but avoided complete contact. Tokitoh felt a little impatient despite his own inner voice that told him to hold the horses. He just couldn't stand the teasing. Either he get it fully or he doesn't want it at all, but not all those temptations that weren't ascertain, weren't sure, weren't assured that it meant anything.

Tokitoh was annoyed, and yet delighted at the sensations that he felt,... just so nice,...

And all of a sudden the candle was dead, its life blown out by the naughty breeze. Tokitoh froze in sudden surprise, but it seems to him that Kubota was taking full advantage of the disarming darkness. Tokitoh gulped silently as he felt slender fingers unlocking buttons slowly, one, by one, by one, and another one, and another one, slowly, as the heat from those fingers vibrated against his going-to-be bare chest. Is things going so far? Am I prepared for such? I,... I just don't know... Everything was once so slow... moving at a pace that is seemingly eternally stagnant and frozen... and now everything was at the speed of the light, emotions, sensations, pulse, ... they're racing. I could hear my heartbeat accelerating, soaring, losing itself in the frenzy of the activities that took place here...

... and I could hear my body screaming for more. 

Kubota must had sensed his hesitation as tender eyes gazed questioningly into the other pair present. They held the other in a soft stare, a question of yes and no. Tokitoh's lips opened to answer something, but none came out. He did not know what to do. Everything at once seems too much of a hurry. But,... if later is never, if later never happened, if tomorrow never came,... he will regret this one moment for his life.

"I,..." Tokitoh's voice faltered as he struggled to juggle that tormenting question in his mind. Kubota stopped his advancement on Tokitoh, and gently placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'm sorry. I took things too far, did I?" Tokitoh could only give a weak nod, half of himself crumpled into disappointment, the other half sighed in relief. He did not know what to do. He was just so confused. 

"I,... honestly I don't know, Kubo-chan... I'm so confused..." Tokitoh whispered softly, fingers tightly clutching at Kubota's shirt as he buried his face against Kubota's chest. "... just so confused..." Tokitoh closed his eyes. Kubota smiled and ruffled Tokitoh's hair affectionately. "It's alright... everything happened all so suddenly..." Kubota whispered back consolingly into Tokitoh's ears. Tokitoh smiled a little. Maybe... everything did happen all of a sudden that I am just too caught up in this whirlwind of romance... can you call this 'romance'? 'Love'? Or....

... 'lust'?

Kubota ran his lips upon Tokitoh's spine along the neck, and Tokitoh involuntarily gave a little sigh. Those sensations began to hum again as Kubota's kisses filled him with a sudden jolt of electricity. A rosary of moans escaped his lips as those traveling kisses grew more fervent, racing up and down, left to right and back again. Tokitoh's fingers clutched tightly at Kubota's white shirt, clenched into a fist as Kubota changed his attentions from his neck to his collarbone, and up to his jaw, and trailed those kisses back to his lips. Tokitoh's lips were opened wide from his symphony of sighs as those melodies were shut off almost then when Kubota sealed them with a passionate kiss. This is just too much. I could barely contain myself any longer... 

Tokitoh's fingers loosen their grip on the white shirt, but instead took reign on those buttons upon that shirt. Tentatively, he unbuttoned one, and another, slowly. Meanwhile, he was still engulfed in those chain of kisses. Kubota could feel his shirt loosen slowly, and his lips curved into a smile as they met the other set into more rapturous sequences. So, Tokitoh decided to let things go on, after all. 

Tokitoh slowly break from that kiss, but his eyes lingered around, still keeping that drowned, dazed reflection in it. Kubota looked much the same too,... all drowned by waves of passion and lust. Slowly, Kubota bent down, and nuzzled Tokitoh between his head and shoulder. Tokitoh could hear him whisper something softly. "May I continue?" 

Tokitoh gave a smile. The simplicity of that question, and the tenderness from it, the question that showed no hurry, no force, just a nonchalant one, just a simple request for the next step ahead. The courtesy and the gentleness of it touched Tokitoh's feelings, and as his own emotions had already drove them this far,... why not? He hugged Kubota's head and whispered in return. "... as you wish." 

"I only wish for you... but is it all right?" Even within the pitch black surroundings Tokitoh could see genuine concern reflected in those enigmatic orbs that he loved so much to stare inside to. Suddenly a few heartstrings tugged at the back of his emotions. Must they really go this far? 

He relented because he wanted to. He had nothing to regret if he did,... because he knew he will regret only if he did not. He might have lose this moment, forever. And he would not let this chance slip. 

Even if this is once and for all, even if this is once and never ever, even if this is once and goodbye, even if this is once and the only once, he will keep this piece of time as a fragment of memory. Let this be the light to guide him even in the darkest planes, for he knew the roads that he will take after this will be much darker than the lanes he had been walking on for years before. 

"I really love you,... Kubo-chan." Tokitoh whispered, his voice rang clear and clarion. His eyes were now clear too, determination framed within those energetic blue. "You want me too, don't you?" Kubota smiled at that question. He let his fingers ran along the outlines of Tokitoh's face, and as he lowered his face to greet Tokitoh's lips with another kiss, he answered. 

"I want you,... now." 

* * *

_If I think about you,  
Even you're not within my sight, you're in my heart,  
I've been thinking about returning,  
Despite knowing that I will face the consequences,  
But I have no intentions to leave forever... _

"I have no intentions to leave you..." Tokitoh whispered as he buried his face deeper into the fluffy pillow that he had been hugging since a few minutes ago, admonishing upon their first kiss. Thinking back upon those times, he wondered why did he choose to leave Kubota. Maybe that decision came in as a brash one, something based upon impulse rather than reasoning. And a lonely feeling tugged at the back of his heart. 

But he wanted to show, to prove, and to tell Kubota that he doesn't need him to survive. Yes, he still wants Kubota's love, Kubota's attentions, Kubota's care... he knew how much all those meant to him, a poor stray kitten in a drain, waiting to be picked up by someone with a heart. Yes, Kubota had indeed picked him up from that terrible life that he underwent before, and all he wanted, just like everyone, just like the stray kitten, is a home to belong to, a place where he knew that he is truly welcomed. He knew Kubota provided him with all the emotional and morale support before, the strength to move on, the courage to stand on his feet. 

And at the same time, Kubota was the one who laid those chains upon his neck, upon his wrists, upon his feet, upon his soul. Tokitoh felt trapped, felt so chained, bounded by those metal chains... but why are they invisible? He couldn't see them, but he could feel them weighing him down as he walked beside Kubota everyday. He did not understand why, why and why. 

And he hated it so much when he kept on thinking about Kubota. Come to think about it, his life seems to revolve around that tall and slender lover of his. Since he came to Araiso Private High, who else had stood up for him? Kubota. Who else had been there for him? Kubota. Who else had been...

... everything Kubota. Kubota this, Kubota that. Everything about him has something to do with Kubota. It was like,... so unbelievable. It was indisputable that they are like two halves of an orange or whatever that goes in halves. There's a compliment and balance in their relationship. Their strength balanced their weakness, like the yin and yang of a circle. 

No wonder they were such a compatible pair, despite all the differences. Strange bedfellows, indeed.

And if Tokitoh here couldn't survive without Kubota....

... will he survive without me? I fear that he could... 

... survive without me...

* * *

[ _WARNING_ : implied R-rated scenes, about 4 paragraphs, skip if you must, but seriously they are nothing... :-) ]

With a sudden tug he discarded Tokitoh's clothing onto one corner of the living room, not knowing where that garment actually landed, much less he actually cared of where it landed. His own clothes were already thrown onto the floor moments ago. And now, both Kubota and Tokitoh laid there on the couch, pressed together, skin against skin. Tokitoh could hear his own heart pounding loudly in his ears, and the heat on his face as Kubota ran his tongue on Tokitoh's bare chest, along the contours of his lithe body. Exhilarating shivers ran down Tokitoh's spine as he stirred a little underneath that gesture. And soon he found Kubota's fingers smoothly caressing his chest, and those deft fingers lingered on and on,... clearly present to arouse him even further.

And when Kubota ran his tongue over his nipple, just one solitary contact, Tokitoh stifled a moan. He did not want to lose control immediately. Maybe he wasn't familiar to such sinful indulgences but still, he did not want to show his weakness so fast. But when Kubota continued his assault on his nipple, licking it and massaging it in long, torturous and yet tender strokes, Tokitoh felt his knees turned into rubber. He felt like he was made of lead, easily melting underneath all the pressure and the heat from this little amorous affair. 

Tokitoh felt Kubota's teeth scraped against his nipple, causing him to squirm somehow, but Kubota's hands firmly pinned him down, while his legs were placed to keep Tokitoh down. And as Kubota continued his work on where he started, Tokitoh could only drown all his gasps and moans by biting his own lips, his hands clutching Kubota's silky hair, his eyes closed. Why is this pleasure, and why is this pain?

And as Kubota toyed on with Tokitoh's nipple, Tokitoh could feel that Kubota did not leave the other one alone. Those free fingers instead pinched the other nipple, and drew sensuous touches upon it. Tokitoh shivered in delight, his own actions betraying his own efforts to keep calm. _Is this,… __ Eden? _ He closed his eyes, enjoying the thrilling sensation, the persuasive touches, the invigorating caresses, the friction between his bare chest and Kubota's slender fingers. He could see colors swimming in his eyes…

All of a sudden, the fluorescent lights flickered, and the television resumed its static screen mode, the sound of static 'Zzzz' interrupting their game of pleasures there. The racket happened in such a sudden that both of them fell on the floor out of surprise. Tokitoh winced as he rubbed the place where his head came into contact with the concrete floor. "Ouch…" Quite annoyed, he snatched the remote control from the coffee table and aimed it at the television, sending the static screen into a bleep of black. "Idiot." He cursed loudly. Beside him, Kubota laughed silently. He pulled Tokitoh close, just like the many million times he did before as a friend, and rested his arm on Tokitoh's shoulder. 

"Now you will get to resume your Dead Or Alive game. Be thankful that the blackout is over." Kubota chuckled. Tokitoh glared at him. "Very funny." 

"Well, that is the joke of the millennium, Tokitoh." Kubota placed his lips on Tokitoh's neck, and ran kisses along his collarbone and down to his shoulder. Tokitoh rolled his eyes. "Yeah, just a second ago you asked me to resume my game and now you are doing this." Tokitoh snapped, referring to Kubota's butterfly kisses. Kubota looked up, and grinned. "Go on, you play on the PS2, and I'll resume my game here." 

"I'm not amused." Tokitoh retorted, but nonetheless he switched on the PS2 and pretended to concentrate on his game. Kubota still continued exploring his body, now his back, and were tracing kisses along the vertebrae, all according to the contours of the backbone. All Tokitoh could do to remain fixed on his own game was to grab the black controller firmly and to grit his teeth. Suddenly he could hear Kubota asking. 

"Turn the volume up, Tokitoh." 

"Why?" Tokitoh asked, turning around in surprise. Kubota caught hold of his face, and traced the outlines of his jaw with one finger. From the corners of his eye, Tokitoh could see his own character in the game got attacked by the CPU. _Oh no,…_ But he cared less, because as Kubota pressed his lips tightly to seal Tokitoh's, Tokitoh let go of the PS2 controller, and let his free hand wrap around Kubota, pulling him closer. Their kiss deepened, prolonged, and when Tokitoh could not breathe, he pulled away unwillingly before he suffocated. Taking a few gulps of fresh air, he suddenly noticed that Kubota's fingers were pressed against the black controller.

"Damn you, Kubo-chan! It is my turn, not yours!" Tokitoh fumed, which earned Kubota's grin. "You would have to be smart to live,… _koi_." Kubota said languidly, his eyes gleaming mischievously. "Meanwhile, let me resume my game here on the PS2." Kubota said, eyes glued on the television screen. "This is unfair!" Tokitoh screeched as he tried to grab the controller from Kubota. Kubota held it out of his reach as he fended off Tokitoh. Tokitoh grumbled. 

"Fine! After you've game over, its MY turn." Tokitoh announced, and settled down snuggling beside Kubota as he watched him play. Kubota only smiled.

"I have in mind of another much more interesting game for us,… later." 

By the tone of how Kubota spoke of those words, Tokitoh suddenly felt butterflies in his stomach. 

* * *

As Tokitoh laid there, deeply exhausted, on his bed, he forced his eyes to stay wide open in spite of the yawns and the drugged feeling that he had. Beside him, Kubota laid there, his naked body covered by the blanket, by Tokitoh's blanket. Tokitoh placed his hand on Kubota's face, and softly caressed his cheek tenderly. "I really love you…" 

Tokitoh did not know why he felt such attachment towards his friend, or now, his lover. Maybe because of his own shattered past, maybe because he had no one, maybe because he belonged here, right beside Kubota, as Kubota's. Slowly Tokitoh bent down, and placed a tender kiss upon those lips.

"Why do I keep on had this sinking feeling that something bad will happen soon? I'm just so afraid,… Kubo-chan…"

…_ so afraid if I am supposed to live without you…_

But will Kubota take their relationship seriously? Or is it just a one-night-stand,… something that comes and goes? Is it just another of those games,… yes, those delusional games that they played so many times as a little teaser to the entire Araiso Private High community…

_… I don't want to play anymore, Kubo-chan. I'm afraid that I will be the loser in this game, and that I will lose you…_

_… just don't break my heart._

Tokitoh yawned yet again, but he forced himself to stay awake. He wanted to savor all the time … everything,… before it melts away in the upcoming morning sun.

* * *

The sunlight streamed through the blinds, penetrating the glass windows and gently kissed Tokitoh's forehead, pressing on for the youth to open his eyes to the beautiful morning. Last night, he fell asleep at last, his heart heavy and worried that his rendezvous with Kubota was only a one-night-stand, something ephemeral and short-lived. That was why Tokitoh forced himself to stay awake as long as he could in order to savor everything possible. He felt so troubled, so worried that it will never last,… and that it might destroy their friendship forever. 

He stirred in his sleep when the morning sunshine danced on his skin and his hair, illuminating it with a golden aura of its own. Subconsciously annoyed, he turned around, mumbling half-hearted curses as well as profanity as he pulled his blanket over him. Enough of Nature's alarm clock, that poor tired guy needs sleep. After all the thing he did last night, all he wanted now was all the time allotted possible for a nice, deep slumber, well away from his own worries…

… wait. It _is_ morning, isn't it? Tokitoh almost jumped out of the bed when he realized that the day had already passed by, and peering groggily at the clock by his table, he was further awake when his mind finally registered what he was looking at into his brain.

"10.00 am." 

"What???" Fine. What a way to start the day. He was 2 hours late for school. And damn Kubota for not waking him up earlier. What a selfish jerk! Tokitoh mused angrily as he rubbed his eyes. Only seconds later he, again, realized that he was sitting stark naked on his bed, with nothing on for the exception of the blanket which covered some essential parts. Cursing as loudly as he could, he pulled the drawer open and fished out his long-sleeved t-shirt, the white one with the cape, his underpants and trousers. As he got dressed, he couldn't help but to chant those swear words. "Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him." He did not understand why must Kubota ignore him now. Okay, fine! If he actually decided to act as if nothing happened yesterday, at least he could have wake him up and not to leave him here like this. And now how is he supposed to explain to the teacher if he reached school late? Or did Kubota gave some dumb excuses to the teacher? Or should he call in sick to the school clerk? 

"I swear that when I saw him, he's going to be sooooooo fucked." Tokitoh muttered as he got into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He was so mad, so angry that he did not bother to turn off the tap while he was brushing his teeth. "Damn him! Damn Kubo-chan! Self-centered, conceited, useless bastard!" Tokitoh let the water run so rapidly down the sink that he almost flooded the whole place. "Like I care! Fuck him!" Tokitoh commented to himself as he rinsed and turned off the tap. 

"Either way, he is going to be dead…. Fuck him!" Tokitoh muttered aloud as he exited from the bathroom.

"Fuck who?" 

Tokitoh almost jumped when he heard that familiar voice greeted him. Arms wrapped around him almost immediately, and a kiss landed on his forehead. "Good morning, Tokitoh." Kubota said, smiling at Tokitoh's surprise. Tokitoh was more than bewildered. _ Kubota,… here… playing truant? _

"Why that surprised look? And by the way, who are you going to fuck?" Kubota's eyes twinkled in mischief as he planted another affectionate kiss on Tokitoh's cheek and ruffled his hair. "No one in particular." Tokitoh muttered. He felt somehow relieved. _ Kubo-chan,… he,… he did not dismiss me or anything, but instead he still treats me like how he did yesterday,… just,… just like his lover. Am I supposed to feel happy? Am I supposed to jump for joy, that he did not take me for granted yesterday, but really hold on tight to his words, really keeping to his promise? I know I am supposed to feel blessed, happy,… but there's some kind of a dark sensation inside. _

_I felt like I'm venturing into a dark, dark side of this relationship… I felt like I'm losing myself into nothingness,… soon._

"Why so,… dressed up?" Kubota inquired as he raised his eyebrow questioningly. Tokitoh frowned, and only then he noticed that Kubota was simply dressed, but not for school. _Hmm? What now?_ Tokitoh gave Kubota in return a puzzled expression. "Well,… I thought you have already left for school, and I thought I might as well as…" Tokitoh's voice trailed as Kubota smothered a grin. Kubota draped his arm over Tokitoh's shoulder casually and smiled. "I never knew that Araiso Private High operates on Sundays."

Tokitoh blushed red as he realized that in his anger, he forgot about the day. _Stupid me… it was a dumb Sunday, after all! _"…" Tokitoh folded his arms and pouted, not amused. Kubota smiled and pulled the smaller boy closer. "Forget about it,… we've all the time in the world today." Kubota nuzzled Tokitoh's ear playfully. Tokitoh rolled his eyes. "Whatever… I'm starving and you are going to cook. I don't care."

"Yes, _koi_." Kubota mock-saluted Tokitoh and left for the kitchen. Tokitoh shook his head. 

_This is crazy,…_

* * *

_If I think about you,  
Even you're not within my sight, you're in my heart,  
What are the similarities of these feelings?  
I would like to meet you, even though I felt bashful,  
I have no intentions to be separated from you…_

_If it is true that my lips tell of words that are still the things that hurt you,  
Those words that were spoken,  
They are insults and compliments from me to you._

_We're still too young to make a decision,  
I'm sorry, because I would like to return,  
.. if ever there is a way to return. _

Tokitoh sighed as he buried his face deeper into the pillow. So it was so true then, when he first felt intimacy together with Kubota, his own soul predicted and forecasted a dark and clouded future for them. How true instincts spoke then! And now,… indeed, words and thoughts had turned into the harsh reality. Why must it be so true? Why must they fight, why must they quarrel, why can't there be tolerance, why can't there be togetherness in their hearts? Why must they make one another cry?

Why must Kubota make him cry and beg on his knees? Why must he endure all of this?

Enough about thinking of the past,… he couldn't take it anymore.

Tokitoh got up from the bed that he was in, and picked up his wallet, cellular phone and the Ayumi Hamasaki CD, as well as his own self up. He could not take it any longer. This hotel room merely generates the times that he had together with Kubota as his lover, and everything drove him crazy. He felt as though as his mind was spinning like a top that had just been released from the string. He felt like breaking down immediately, but in whose arms could he find solace and comfort? None. So, like a determined child he strode out of the room, and out of the hotel, and let his leg do the walking, leading him to wherever he desired…

… but he desired for none. He was on auto-pilot mode, just too depressed to think on further.

He did not realized that the path that he took will eventually lead him to a park. As it was night time, no one was there, for the exception of the street lamps and the silent pathways. Tokitoh somehow smiled. There was something in this place that tells him of assurance.

Tokitoh exhaled as he sat there on the cold marble bench, accompanied by the nature's orchestra of midnight insects. Given any particular choice on a usual night he wouldn't have enjoyed such an outing here, especially on the public park, spending his night there... but it was an Eden to his mind, a much more soothing place in comparison to his own hotel room. And he swore that he will do almost anything now to run away from the terrible burden of his heart. 

Thinking and relieving back all the times he had with Kubota seems to be a torture to both his physique and his mentality. He was driven to such pressure that he felt his body threatened to crumble down anytime. He looked up into the sky, and saw the endless stretch of black above him, dusted with silver stars and the crescent moon. The skies were clear, were crystal clear,… such a contrast to his own inner soul. 

Maybe all he need was a place to belong to. After all, it seems like everything in the universe have an accompaniment,.. some form of company and attachment…

… but whatever it may be, whatever Life may offer… 

… _que sera sera,… whatever will be, will be…_

As the chilling wind bit into his bones, an exhausted Minoru Tokitoh fell asleep, both his mind and soul cracking under coercion, under the strain,…

… why must Love be a burden to us? Why must Love destroy someone?


	7. Firefly

** Fraudulences Of Words  
**An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N : ** Chapter re-edited on 4th of October, 2003, on grammar and organization of paragraphs.

** Part 7a : Firefly**

Perspiration glistened upon his neck as he sped up, catching up with Matsubara's pace. His face was flushed scarlet due to the long stretch of land covered in the morning jog, as the three of them met for a exercise session that day. It was atypical for Ainoura to be out of his bed as early as 7am, but forgive discrepancies as today he was intrigued by Matsubara's words. He was bewildered when the news came to him through his cellular phone. His compact communication device beeped shrilly as it flashed silver lights over his darkened room yesterday night. He remembered muttering a jumbled string of curses underneath his tired breath as he unlocked his mobile phone and checked for the message. It was not more than a short message altogether. "Meet me at park, 7am. Important update. Kubota and Tokitoh broke up." Below the message, the name "Matsubara" was clearly visible. Ainoura's worn and droopy eyes flew open wide immediately, gaping at the screen. He remembered replying the message to confirm that he'll be coming before dropping back to bed in exhaustion and dreamless slumber.

But that was yesterday night, when he was much occupied with fatigue and would rather dedicate his time to sleeping than nosing about the latest news on the EC's dynamic duo. But when he woke up forcibly this morning at 6.30am, his mind was burning with curiosity. Even as he approached Matsubara at the park, the latter refused to speak of any further before they complete their jogging session. Murota was present, too, and also bore the same confused look like Ainoura had. Shrugging, the threesome jogged about a mile around the scenic park, underneath the cherry blossom trees that were abundantly decked with the first kisses of winter's snow. 

Despite the chilling breeze that cooled down the atmosphere, sending the temperature plunging drastically, somehow he managed to sweat. And boy, he was truly exhausted. Physical exercises were never his thing. His soul felt more at home when his fingers drummed against the keyboard, when his thumb and index finger locked into the contours of a mouse, when his face began to feel warm from the light radiation of the monitor that generated a gentle amount of heat. That was what he described as familiar and typical of Seiichi Ainoura. 

"Can,... we,... rest,... now,... ?" Ainoura wheezed, panting while bending down. He rubbed his legs where the muscles sore. Matsubara halted in his pace, and jogged back to where Ainoura was. "Are you okay?" Matsubara queried in concern. Ainoura grinned sideways. "My legs still hurt after helping Katsuragi-san with those tedious chores yesterday. You people should have seen the new EC room! It must have been the best thing that ever happened to us! It has this big television, a DVD player, real cool chairs and tables and..." Ainoura's face contorted into a frown. "Speaking of 'the best thing that ever happened to us', can you tell me about the whole Kubota and Tokitoh ordeal? You dragged both Murota and I for a jog on a beautiful winter's morning without telling the reason why. C'mon, I'm dying of curiosity." Murota nodded in agreement while saying none. He was doing push-ups on the par course, far too occupied in his exercise to entertain them with conversation, but nonetheless he was on all ears for this matter. He, too, received a last-minute SMS from Matsubara, and although he didn't mind the jogging part, admittedly he, too, was curious about Matsubara's statement. "Broke up? What do you mean? They aren't lovers or whatever,... how is such thing possible?" Ainoura asked again before Matsubara managed an answer. That question got the brown-haired guy coughing as though as if he was choking on something. Ainoura was puzzled, but slowly he comprehended. "Oh man,... I never knew those two are for real!" His face broke into a grin. "But why break up? And when were they officially together?"

"Don't ask me. All I know was that Kubota screwed up prime-time, and set Tokitoh running away. Wherever Tokitoh is now, we do not know." Matsubara explained. "Well, according to outside information gained from the Fukukaichou, both Tokitoh and Kubota quarreled over some measly thing. Apparently it was about how Kubota treated him and stuff. Well, Tachibana also mentioned about some challenge that Kubota brought up during their fight about Tokitoh being dependent on him, and this statement really upset Tokitoh. So, he ran." 

"Poor Tokitoh!" Ainoura exclaimed, his face frowned in empathy. He withdrew a tumbler from his backpack and took several refreshing intakes of water to replenish the loss of fluid in his body. He felt better immediately. The three of them walked to a cafe situated within the park for breakfast. After placing their orders, they resumed talking.

"So, what does the Kaichou has to say about this? I heard that both Matsumoto and Tachibana are sinking their claws into this case." Murota commented as he adjusted a pastel yellow towel around his sweat-drenched neck. Matsubara nodded in agreement. "Yes, they are determined to help. Of course, it was all because of their own importance, to begin with." That ironic remark earned a catty grin from Ainoura. "Because they knew that the EC's efficiency in solving discipline cases relies on Kubota and Tokitoh, right?" 

"Exactly. The EC is defunct without them. That is why Matsumoto helped, I bet. All because his seat as the Kaichou was secured by how he ran the Student Council, and that includes us. If the EC cripples, he'll be suffering from competitors for his post. And like what we all know,..." Matsubara let his sentence trail, grinning as he drawled the words a little. Ainoura picked it up, and continued. "... and like what we all know, Matsumoto hates losing out." The three of them laughed. 

"So, the point is, Matsumoto and Tachibana themselves are trying to help Kubota to get Tokitoh to return to him." Matsubara said. Murota's brows were knitted in a frown. "Why can't Kubota find Tokitoh and persuade him to return? Why must everyone take the long way out? Can't this be solved in a much faster and direct way?"

"Well, Kubota does not want to admit his own mistake in the quarrel..." Matsubara smiled. "That is why he tries the other way out, that is, to make Tokitoh return to him without directly telling him to do so. Seriously, I think it is a little cruel to play Tokitoh up, making him all confused in order to make him return. But Kubota would rather take that option."

Ainoura sighed. "Must he do such a thing? I sympathize Tokitoh." 

Matsubara shrugged. "What can we do? The ego has landed."

"Kubota must have been persistent to do such a thing to Tokitoh. Although I don't get why must he do so, but we must get the both of them back together." Murota remarked as he took of his shades and gave them a little polish with the edges of his towel. "We're facing another tough schooling year ahead of us, and I hate to think of a shattered EC facing more and more unwanted discipline cases. Without the complete team of EC, we're handicapped." 

"Exactly. But we don't even know where is Tokitoh now. How can we get him back to Kubota?" Matsubara questioned. The waitress that took their order came back now. She set down a cappuccino in front of Ainoura, cafe latte for Matsubara and espresso for Murota, along with a platter of chicken sandwiches. Ainoura took one of the sandwiches, and gave it a bite.

"We might not get to help Tokitoh, but we have the other side remaining. We can help Kubota to get Tokitoh back, right?" Ainoura pointed out as he munched his sandwich thoughtfully. The rest nodded slowly. "I can see that you're right. We've got to do something about this. This is a mission for the EC." Matsubara declared in a solemn voice. He picked up his cup of cafe latte, and held it up in the air. "For the success of our so-called mission. May Tokitoh return to Kubota."

"May Tokitoh return to Kubota." The others echoed, clinked cups of coffee, and drank, all resisting the urge to laugh. Their little oath here sounded ridiculous, as though as they were doing a sacred swear before a battle or a war. In fact, this whole ordeal sounded much like a fiction or a soap opera script. The EC was much familiar with tough gang-fight scenes and stolen exam paper scenarios, but a love conflict? 

That, was the first of its kind. Time to put the EC's efficiency to test.

* * *

On the other side of the world, or rather, on the other side of the story, Minoru Tokitoh woke up to the mellifluous orchestration of a typical weekday morning, sharply shattering his dreamless sleep into pieces as he grudgingly obeyed to the calling of the sun. At first, he would not comply to the kisses of the morning rays, and shrugged off the first alarm that comprised birds twittering and chirping at his ears. But Nature insisted on getting him up on his feet, so, he woke up with a deadly temper, already short-fused, and ready to blast off at any rate. He rubbed his eyes as he walked sullenly pass several cherry blossom trees, his scowling face contrasting with the smiles that adorned the _sakura_ petals and the face of passer-bys. As he trotted out of the park's picturesque landscapes, he fished out his wallet and made a mental calculation of his financial status. After adding and subtracting several set of digits, he drew a conclusion about his situation. He need to withdraw money, a little at least, to keep on surviving. And he need to find a way to survive, meanwhile.

Dusting his navy-blue jacket from the newly fallen snow, he walked on listlessly into the main road that led to the heart of the metropolis, and headed to the nearest bank. After withdrawing enough money to sustain his somewhat senseless journey, he felt hungry. He walked along the row of shops, surveying the products on display as he hunted for something to satiate his hunger. He entered a bakery, bought a bun, munched upon it and walked out listlessly. 

He knew that to spend 24 hours a day was more than a torture. The notion of spending those time alone was too much to bear. 

His legs were set to autopilot command. He allowed himself to be dragged into a nearby shopping complex, knowing that the so close and yet so far company of strangers might keep him sane. Or rather, he might allow himself to be caught in some engaging activity that will remove his mind from the frameset of his troubles.

The shopping complex was quite packed. Tokitoh was mildly surprised. _Usually,... the shopping complexes should be quite vacant. Today is a weekday, and I am surprised..._

Suddenly Tokitoh stopped in his tracks. He spun around, puzzled. But somehow that mellifluous voice penetrated through everything, and even the noisy crowd was drowned by the soft, mesmerizing melody. Tokitoh wondered about it, and noticed a large crowd that gathered at one part of the concourse ground. _Judging from the amount of people congregated there, there must be an event going on_, concluded Tokitoh. Furthermore, his ears picked up the sound sourced from the same place where everyone gathered.

"Surely, surely as we live we know more.  
And, and as we live, we forget."

He pondered on whether it was wise to join the sea of humans, but considered not to. Instead, he sat on a nearby bench, trying to catch faint strains of the song. Slowly, the haunting melody filled the air, and the crowd began to quiet down a little, enabling Tokitoh to listen to the song thoroughly. Several people walked away, and the crowd loosen up on one side of the concourse. Tokitoh began to get access to a much more visibility. _So, it was a talent quest... no wonder everyone's attracted, and no wonder the complex is stuffed full with humans, albeit being a weekday. _Tokitoh saw glimpses of a petite girl on the stage, dressed up to resemble an angel. She had short, cropped blond hair, with highlights of brown on the top. A fake halo was attached to her head, made up of silver tinsel draped around wire, presumably, as what Tokitoh perceived from afar. She wore a short white sleeveless top, a white mini skirt and white boots that resembled those tall ones found in cosplay shops that mimicked those of Sailormoon's. And to add to her 'angelic' appearance, her outfit was complimented by silver wings attached to her back. Those wings glittered as they mirrored the spotlights that danced upon her on the stage.

  
  
"Things that begin always have an end.  
If you can live on, think always of that."

Everything was like an echo of his own situation. Every word sung was symbolic of his own stand. Every piece, every fragment of the tune reflected everything. Tokitoh closed his eyes. _If things will come to an end,... when is the end to this journey? What will happen? Will I be continuing my life, sans Kubota? Or will it be as what he predicted, as what he prophesied, as what he dared me to? Just like what he said, will I return to the doorsteps of the apartment, down upon my knees?_

  
  
"If this world were split into winners and losers,  
I'd rather be a loser.  
I always want to be a loser."

_To lose is to admit that he won again, forever, in the games we played. I had been a loser, many times, so many times, countless times, endless times, too many times, and I've never won. I don't mind losing,... but to what cause? Why am I consoling myself with loses? Why must I surrender the trophy, if it was unworthy of the cause? I don't mind losing, so many times I've lost, because I am confident that I am losing for the better, for a cause that will bring much better aspects out of life. But now, I am no longer sure. I'm tentative, hesitant, and I don't know whether it is worth it all as it used to be._

  
  
"Surely, surely we are more beautiful when we're sad.  
That's why, that's why we are dirtier when we're sad."

The girl spun about on stage, dancing gracefully to the slow tempo of the music, her hands flexed in the air in accordance of her steps, her lips forming out syllables of the song slowly. Her face bore a melancholic and yet cute expression, like those cherubic angels of the Renaissance era paintings. She won a number of hearts of the audience as some of them sang along to the song.

  
  
"To protect us and ours, we must sacrifice something yet again.  
Those who can live on think always of that."

_Sacrifice something? I've sacrificed too much. And as I live on now, I don't even know what are the meaning of sacrifices. People said that in order to love, there are definitely sacrifices to make in order to keep a relationship going on. Love requires sacrificial acts, acts of giving more than you receive, in order to receive something, despite the value that might not equal to the sacrifice. Sometimes, sacrifices were done in futile too. When you love someone, you'll do anything just to get a simple gesture that depicted the other side's love. Sometimes we sacrifice too much, and hoped, gave too much hope, only to be disappointed. When someone hoped too much, when someone hung their hopes and wishes upon the wings of stars, they will be much more disappointed than those who hoped little and only hung their hopes and wishes upon the wings of birds. _

_I must have been hoping too much, for I am disappointed beyond anything. _ Tokitoh mused silently, and he bit his lips. He thought that it was only appropriate if he gave everything, but now he realized that the scales were tipped to the other side because of the imbalance between give and receive. He gave away too much. He hoped too much. He was disappointed at last.

  
  
"If this world were split into winners and losers,  
I'd rather be a loser.  
I always want to be a loser.

What can I tell you?  
I'm just a small, helpless person.  
That's all I'll say for now  
because sometimes words  
are completely powerless."

Tokitoh left the bench, bringing along with him a heavy heart, heavier than lead. His steps were slow as though they were forced. He could hear loud applauses coming from where the stage was as the song ended. He, too, could hear the emcee announcing the next contestant's performance as the words were drowned by the deafening cheers from the crowd. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Tokitoh felt a little pang of jealousy towards the crowd in general. It was as though as they had nothing to worry about. It was as though as he was the only one who had a bad time. Sometimes, the feeling was just there, the feeling of contemplation of how you're suffering ceaselessly and yet others will be having the time of their life beside you. 

Tokitoh decided that he should lighten up and enjoy his time. After all, it was holidays, right? If he spent his holidays sulking and glooming all the time, then the point of going on a _holiday _will render useless. So, feeling somewhat energetic with the silent determination boiling in his head, he decided to dish out that newfound energy on the arcade located on the top floor of the shopping mall. 

As he passed by the tent for the talent quest contestants, he could hear a muffled cry coming from within it. A little curious, he took a peek into the slightly opened slit of the tent. A cute, chirpy voice called out to him. "Hey! You!" Tokitoh was startled. "Huh? Me?" 

"Yeah! Who else?! Come in! I need some help!" The girl in the angel costume replied, her voice was still blurred by something. Tokitoh sighed. _Here goes nothing..._ He pushed open the doors to the tent. The tent was slightly dark, illuminated only by the bulbs that were around the vanity mirror on the dressing table. The girl was sitting on a stool beside the dressing table, and was apparently struggling with her outfit. She was trapped in her sleeveless top which clung stubbornly on her head, and her halo was stuck fast to her hair. Her hands were tangled into the whole mess like a ribbon bow on a Christmas gift. Tokitoh stifled the urge to laugh by clamping his mouth tightly that the sound came out as a strangled choke. The girl was not amused, however. "I know you're laughing! Aww,... come on. Please help me. I called you in to help, not to laugh!" 

Tokitoh grinned as he unfastened the halo from the mess, and pulled several strands of hair from it. "Ouch!" The girl winced. "Sorry." Tokitoh answered, still grinning in amusement. He tossed the halo on the table, and helped her out with her sleeveless top. After moments of tugging, finally it came loose and freed her head. The girl smiled. "Finally! Thank you!" She hugged a blushing Tokitoh and gave him a peck on the cheek. "You saved my life!" 

"Very funny." Tokitoh muttered, half grinning. The girl picked up a black jacket from a chair nearby and wore it on her white spaghetti-strapped top. "Hmm, by the way, your performance is nice." Tokitoh commented as he sat down on one of the stools nearby as he watched her picking up her items. The girl turned around, smiling. "Really? Thanks! I think I did quite good, but there are other contestants who were way better." She bent down to retrieve her comb from the floor. "Anyway, my name's Hotaru Kaede."

"Mine's Minoru Tokitoh. Nice to meet you." Tokitoh answered. He liked this girl. She was friendly and funny somehow. Cute, sophisticated in a childish demeanor too. Hotaru ran her comb through her hair. "Do you like the song?"

"Urm, yeah. The lyrics are beautiful. The song is nice. Whose song was it, anyway? You wrote it yourself?" Tokitoh queried. Hotaru grinned as she shook her head. "No. I wish I did write it, but it was a song written and sung by Ayumi Hamasaki. The title is 'No More Words'." Tokitoh swore that he would scream again if he heard the name 'Ayumi Hamasaki' for the third time. He was seething silently in his mind. _ Not again. Ayumi this, Ayumi that. What's next, I wonder? Ayumi Hamasaki writing a song to depict the problems I had with Kubo-chan? Fuck. Why must Life be such a cruel bitch?_

"Erm, are you all right? You seem to be a little agitated." Hotaru questioned as she glanced worriedly at him. Tokitoh shook his head. "Nah, nothing." Hotaru was unconvinced nonetheless. "You seem to be somewhat frustrated. Especially when I mentioned 'Ayumi~" She cut her words short when Tokitoh's face went one shade darker. "Okay. Sorry. Tell me your problems if you feel like it. It helps, you know?" Hotaru said softly, smiling. Tokitoh raised an eyebrow cynically. 

"Really! Believe me. I had a degree in psychology!" Hotaru raised both hands. "I swear."

"You? Degree? Psychology? Those words don't really fit in one sentence." Tokitoh commented. Hotaru laughed. "So, tell me why those words don't belong together." Tokitoh eyed her from top to toe. "Well, firstly, you don't even look like you're more than 15! And you look too cute to be a psychiatrist. And you don't look like someone who works at the crazy people's ward, and you are far too ... well, you don't look like a psychiatrist. Although I am stupid, but I won't be fooled that easily." Tokitoh folded his arms. 

Hotaru laughed. "Okay. No one will ever believe me, it seems. Here." Hotaru tossed a card to Tokitoh. It was a business card with her name written upon it, and below it, her qualifications were inscribed neatly. Tokitoh handed the card back to her, but she declined. "Keep it. You might need my assistance next time." Tokitoh frowned. "I'm not going to be crazy or lunatic or whatever!" Hotaru giggled. "Just keep the card. So, tell me what is your problem. You seemed distant when I performed. I saw you from the stage."

"Liar." Tokitoh said, grinning. "How could you spot me from afar? Prove it." 

"Well, I was dancing and then I spotted you sitting on a bench, listening to me and yet your eyes were so distant, as though as you were thinking deeply. You were sitting nearby the sushi restaurant, and behind you there's the shop which sells loads of Kokuyo stationery items. Nearby the place where you sat, there's a girl who wore a pink Santa hat, and her mother was wearing a navy blue kimono with white patterns. Others I don't recall much. Satisfied?"

"Wow. You..." Tokitoh stared at her as though as he met an alien who said "Hi! We come in peace!" to him in Japanese. Hotaru giggled. "See? Just tell me your problems. You'll feel better, trust me! After all, I'm giving you free consultation here. I won't charge, I promise!" Tokitoh sighed. "Well, okay. But,... just one thing."

"Yeah?" 

"Don't treat me like I'm a lunatic or whatever. And don't go around thinking that I'm an alien when you heard my story." Tokitoh warned. Hotaru nodded. "Fire away! I can't wait!" She giggled again. Tokitoh groaned. "You're just such a kid."

"Well,..." Tokitoh's voice trailed. Suddenly he felt like his throat had been stuffed with sandpaper. No words came out from his mouth. To admonish all the sorrow, all the pain he felt, it was overwhelming. There was some kind of a sickening sensation within his heart. He was lost of words. He felt like everything had been such a pointless chapter of his life, and he felt like he was going through a futile option. Hotaru must have understood what he felt, for she spoke up suddenly. "It is all right if you wouldn't want to tell me. After all, it is your right to keep it a secret. But to keep everything bottled inside, one day it will explode too." She offered him a sympathetic smile. Tokitoh nodded. "I know. It is all right. I chose to tell you, anyway. It is just that I don't know where to start. To even think of the whole problem makes me sick to my stomach."

"Try to close your eyes. Breathe in deeply, just keep yourself quiet, then talk when you feel like it." Hotaru suggested. Tokitoh abided. He closed his eyes. Suddenly his ears picked up a light melody floating through the tent. It was soothing, reassuring, somewhat tranquil and calm. At first Tokitoh perceived that it came from a contestant's performance outside, but soon he came to realize that it was from Hotaru herself. She was singing quietly.

_"Ki ni naru noni kikenai,  
Oyogitsukarete,  
Kimi made mukuchi ni naru..."_

He thought of the first time, when he came to Araiso. Just a new kid on the block, just someone unknown to everyone. "Well, back two years then, I shifted to Yokohama. I went there alone. No one, but only me. I was enrolled into this private school. Let's just call it A Private High School. Well, at A, everyone's into their own things. There are many bullies, just like a typical high school. Being someone who doesn't like to be bullied, I fought against some of them. Well, I know this is against the rules, but I don't really care. I almost got myself into detention when I was about to retaliate on one of the bullies. Well, someone stopped me from doing so. He was..." Tokitoh almost choked. His eyes were still shut, and the room was still filled with Hotaru's sweet voice.

_"Aetai noni ienai nami ni osarete,  
Mata sukoshi tooku naru..._

_Tokirenai you ni keep it going baby,  
Onaji kimochi janai nara tell me.  
Muri wa shinai shuugi demo,  
Sukoshi nara shite mite mo ii yo..."_

"... let's just call him K. Well, K was a member of the Executive Committee. The Executive Committee's task is to reinforce discipline in the school, as well as to solve discipline cases and stuff. Although their concept of 'solving discipline cases' are really bizarre, the EC is a force to be reckoned in the school. Well, soon, I joined the EC because of K. We sat together at the back of our class. Well, a few months later, I shifted into his apartment as the rental for my former one was too expensive. Furthermore, he was living alone and faced financial problems about rentals too, so we figured that we could get together and split the rent between us. His apartment was more convenient anyway. Well,..." Tokitoh felt better as he talked from the start. In fact, he felt that his burden seemed lighter, as he told about his past with Kubota. It was like a jigsaw puzzle. Everything was falling into pieces. Back into completeness.

_"I wanna be with you now.  
Futari de distance shijimete.  
Ima nara maniau kara.  
We can start over,  
Hitotsu ni wa narenai.  
I wanna be with you now.  
Itsu no hi ka distance mo  
Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo  
We can start it over,  
Yappari I wanna be with you..."_

"Somehow, being with K was entirely different than anyone I've been with before. It was a feeling of acceptance, a feeling of being myself rather than standing there under a facade that wasn't me. I could be entirely myself with him. I don't need to hide anything. I just felt that he could accept me the way I am. I knew he could accept me for my way, my impulsiveness, my brashness, my loud-mouthed self, my emotional self, and above all, he accept me and myself. He cares, I know. He is someone you'll like as a friend to confide in. And back then, I had no one to confide. I lost everyone I could trust before, so I treasured our friendship a lot. Every day in A, every day at home, every day spent with him, I just knew that I found someone whom I could lean on. Truly, as a friend."

"But sometimes it was the way he treated me that irked me a lot. Usually he had a goofy and dumb face on, just the typical K I knew. But sometimes, he could just stare at you, rather deeply, and you'll be wondering what he'll be thinking inside that brain of his. And his stare was bugging me. A lot. I felt like a rat cornered by a cat. I thought I was imagining things, but I began to think that he had some other intentions behind his stares. Some feelings hidden deep inside. Something that he wanted to say, but dared not. And usually I found myself staring back at him, into that chocolate pool of endless depth."

"And suddenly, he'll look away, or that deep, enigmatic gaze will be replaced by his usual expression. That, was for starters. Soon, this staring game was intensified by gestures and actions. And most of the time, this stupid game took place in front of spectators. The EC headquarters, the classroom, almost everywhere. He'll just stare, pin me against the walls, or maybe move real close beside me, with a deep gaze, leaving me there, helpless under those gaze as I stared back. Then, he'll just snatch my History notes from my hands, and I'll be chasing him around the EC room. There was the time when he teased me silently, then he handed me my ice-cream. Or the time when he tried to bandage me up over a silly paper cut, or the time when he wanted me to run an errand. Or... there are just so much endless possibilities to that stupid staring game. I just couldn't understand it. He's insane, I thought. But somehow I was addicted to it. Addicted to the way he stared at me. Addicted to the stupid fucking game. Addicted to him."

_"Hito koto de konna ni mo kizutsuku kimi wa  
Kodoku wo oshiete kureru..."_

_"Mamorenai toki keep on trying, baby  
Yakusoku toori janai kedo trust me  
Muri wa shinai shuugi demo  
Kimi to nara shite mite mo ii yo..."_

"Needless to say, feelings grew, but I kept them in silence. It was painful. Well, judging from all the endings of our little game, I knew that he wasn't serious. Maybe he had some penchant for staring at people or something. But as everything was only suggestive during the foreplay, I couldn't decipher his true intentions. I felt like being played up. Sometimes in the middle of the game, I couldn't help but to feel hurt. After all, to him, it was only a god-damn fucking game and to me, I took it seriously. I tried to search for signs of his feelings towards me but it was like searching for a needle in the middle of a haystack. Or worse, it was like finding for a grain of sand in the middle of the haystack itself."

"He had this habit of his, when he would place his arm on my shoulders when we walked together or when we stood beside each other or when we,... well, literally whenever we are together. Whenever he did that, I felt like leaning closer to him, and to even hug him. But I suppressed those wild random emotions as I don't want to shatter everything. I knew that my feelings were not of the norm, and if he took it the wrong way, our friendship will be jeopardized. And I could not bring myself to see our beautiful friendship destroyed. So, I suffered everything silently. All I could do was only to savor the times when he held me tight, symbolic of friendship. I could just wistfully contemplate whenever he did so, wishing that it was all for real, and that he would come to recognize me as something more than a friend."

"Everything was like that, until..." Tokitoh's voice wavered slightly. Sighing again, he bit his lips, and continued. "Everything was like that until late one night. Just like an ordinary night together at home, I will be facing the television alone, playing games on the PS2. He would be laying upon the sofa, stretched lazily there with his boring book. Somehow, that day was special. A blackout occurred, causing my game to be disrupted. I was wandering in the dark, trying to get something to light the place up." Tokitoh blushed slightly at the memory of himself in the disarming darkness, when he moved about blindly, only to find himself 'feeling for Kubota'. "Well, somehow K got a candle, and he lighted it. Then, we just sat down there. And suddenly,..." 

Tokitoh felt a lump developing within his throat. His eyes moistened slightly, but he held those forthcoming tears back. He did not want to shed futile tears anymore. "Well, somehow we confessed our feelings there. I,... I really love him. And it was pleasurable to find out that he felt the same way too. It was bliss. I know what I truly wanted. I wanted to be with him, maybe not forever, but as long as time allows me I'll be there. As long as Time allows it, I'll love him from the bottom of my heart."

_"I wanna be with you now  
Futari de distance mitsumete  
Ima nara maniau kara  
We can start over  
Kotoba de tsutaetai  
I wanna be with you now  
Sono uchi ni distance mo  
Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo  
We should stay together  
Yappari I wanna be with you..."_

"During the few weeks together as his lover, I couldn't have ask for more. He was everything. But, the whole relationship was like a roller-coaster ride. There are times when we'll be blissfully happy, and there are times when K would turn into a monster overnight. He would be really cold. He would just ignore me. Altogether. And I hate it a lot." Tokitoh inhaled, and sighed. 

"I tried compromising, I tried to tolerate, I tried everything I could. I don't want to lose everything. I thought I was to be blamed at first. After all, wasn't I the one who initiated everything? I felt like I am to be blamed..."

"The roller coaster ride continued, until the other day when everything exploded. It was the end of the ride, and the beginning of another torturous ride. Both K and I quarreled, and I chose to leave. And now, I'm no less than a peasant who walks the streets of Tokyo by daylight, a pauper resting in a cage of gold at night. So, that is my miserable story." Tokitoh concluded.

"I wouldn't say that it is miserable." Hotaru smiled. "You're just going through a hard time, that's all. That is why you're viewing everything in a disdainful light."

"So, what does Miss Psychiatrist has to say about this?" Tokitoh commented. Hotaru rested her chin on her hands, thinking. Absentmindedly her other hand reached out for a can drink from her bag, and she handed it to Tokitoh. "Have one." "Thanks." Tokitoh took it while Hotaru helped herself to another one. "Well,..." Hotaru paused. "... I am not a counselor for love problems, but from my insight, I think that both of you are rather insecure."

"Why do you say so?" Tokitoh asked. "Simple. He loves you and yet he is cold sometimes, right? Maybe he is just simply afraid of too much commitment or attachment. He is afraid that if he's too close to you, he might lose you one day. And meanwhile, you, on the other hand, wanted him to respond to you because you are afraid that you will lose him if you let him go."

"..." Tokitoh was speechless. He didn't realize that such possibilities exist. 

"Generally, he keeps to himself sometimes, because he wants space to breathe. He knew that he loved you, and yet he didn't want to lose you. Maybe he lost someone before, so he is afraid to lose another person again. And you, you might have been alone before. You never felt the sensations of love, so you are desperately seeking for it. You wanted to shower him with affection, because he is the center of everything. And you are just afraid of losing him."

Hotaru's voice wavered. Tokitoh looked up at her. Her light make-up was smeared a little by a streak of tears. "Why are you crying?" He asked bluntly. Hotaru bit her lips, and her eyes showed signs of even more tears threatening to fall. Tokitoh winced. "Aww, I'm sorry! Just... don't cry, okay? I am not good in comforting people, and I hate the idea of making someone cry." 

"It's..." Hotaru wiped her tears. "Well, its nothing." She smiled. _He doesn't need to know that I was once confronted with a problem like this before... and he doesn't need to know that I've been through something as bitter as this too..._

"Hey, Hotaru!" A deep voice greeted them from the entrance of the tent. Hotaru and Tokitoh looked up, surprised. A petite girl with platinum white hair entered the tent. "Oh, Sayaka! How's your performance?" Hotaru greeted her happily. "It was cool! The crowd was wild! I love them!" The girl, Sayaka said enthusiastically. "Hey, who's this guy?" Sayaka whistled as she pointed at Tokitoh. 

"He? Meet my younger brother, Minoru Tokitoh." Hotaru said, giggling. Tokitoh glared at her. "Very funny. I am not her younger brother. By the way, I'm Minoru Tokitoh. Call me Tokitoh." He extended a hand in friendship to Sayaka. Sayaka shook it. "Nice to meet you! Of course I know Hotaru is crapping, as usual." She said wryly.

"Well, I'm Matsuri Sayaka. Just call me Sayaka." She grinned. Hotaru smiled. "Hey, Tokitoh, you are here alone, right? Care to join us?"

"Yeah, if you're alone, why not join Hotaru and I with several friends of ours? We're having fun at the shopping complex today. We'll be hanging out here, basically." Sayaka quipped. Tokitoh bit his lips. "Well,..."

"Don't worry! You're not stuck with a bunch of rabid girls. There's several contestants of this talent quest that will be joining us later. They're new friends too. So you won't feel left out. We'll be going to the arcade. C'mon, join us!" Hotaru pleaded. "You don't want to wander alone in this shopping complex, right?"

"I guess it is okay then." Tokitoh answered, grinning. Hotaru and Sayaka cheered. 

"Let's get the party started!" 

* * * 

On the second floor of the shopping complex, Kubota was standing at the arcade counter, a stack of silver coins in his palms. His lips curved into a smile as he walked to the Dance Dance Revolution Club Mix machine. His eyes were fixed on the synchronized rhythm of the player's steps as it coordinated perfectly with the beats of the song blasting from the speakers. The song was a regular to his ears. It was the Japanese version of 'Luv To Me'.

_"..sayonara   
aishiteta   
ano toki ni   
kidzuita  
omoide ha   
yume no naka de   
wasureta koro ni mezameru no..."_

He couldn't wait for the screen to flash the sign that he was waiting patiently for.

Game Over.

** End of Part 7a : Firefly**


	8. Evanescence

**Fraudulences Of Words  
**An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N : **Chapter re-edited on 4th of October, 2003, on grammar and organization of paragraphs.

**Dedicated To : **[The winners of the 'Guess The Song' mini contest from Chapter 7a.] labrynth, Ashura Akuma, lituska_silvermoon, kimie, Shinjitsu, Ka-Li and Kurama Barton.

**Part 7b : Evanescence**

It felt like being revived after a long time of suffering, maybe of sickness, maybe of illness, maybe of some disease unknown. The sensation was somehow like plunging into a pool of cold, icy water; exhilarating, invigorating, fresh. Maybe the feeling was akin to a bird caged behind gold bars, watching and bearing witness to the surreal cerulean heavens, gifted with the ability to soar so free and yet, those feet were bounded to barren earth. Finally, to set the avian free; the sensation was surreal. 

It felt so different from the prison of his emotions. He felt so nice, so perfect, so _normal_, being altogether in the way he usually belonged. Looking back at the times, he was truly surprised. _It was only two days since I left him. Two days, only. And yet I felt like it was two weeks, no, amend it, two months. Or even worse, two years. Two decades. Whatever. It could be a whole damn fucking eternity for what I care. In fact, really. What do I care? It is somewhat amazing. Two fucking days away and its driving me insane. I wonder what will happen if this goes on._

_Come on, Tokitoh. You're not that weak, are you? Surely you felt that way. Everything is new to you. Sooner or later everything will turn out fine when you're accustomed to the new way of life you've chosen. _His mind reasoned with a seemingly convincing tone. Tokitoh sighed. Yeah, admittedly he was enjoying the way he chose. He felt much more unattached to anything. No obligations. No rules. No nothing. Simple and pure. It is the definition of living based on the moment. Living in the present, not dwelling in the past, nor the future.

It was a somewhat miraculous feat to actually dance on a Dance Dance Revolution machine as your mind cogitated on many, many things. Tokitoh himself marveled at that fact as his mind wandered off somewhere, his body swaying and gyrating to the infectious rhythm of the loud music blasting forth from the speakers beside him. His feet moved left, right, up, down, center, left, right, jump, jump, left, right, up, up, down, down in synchronization with the liquid display on the huge screen in front of him. Feeling just so right, his hands moved in co-ordination with his feet. As his feet stomped on the neon-colored arrows on the dance platform, the crowd gave a loud cheer. Modestly, Tokitoh and his other partner in that dance routine, a handsome 16-year-old guy clad in a red t-shirt underneath an army-green vest and baggy, oversized cargo pants named Toro Sakaguchi took a bow. Nearby, two of their friends, Hotaru and another girl, a cosplayer-and-talent-quest-contestant Michie Kino who dressed up as the pretty heroine of Final Fantasy X-2, Yuna, cheered for the twosome.

"You two were great!" cheered Hotaru enthusiastically. Tokitoh gave her a hearty grin. "Wait till you see we go on the Nonstop Mode!" Toro exclaimed, also grinning. "You're eating into OUR turn, Toro! You promised that we'll be up next!" Michie said, prodding Toro in his ribs. "Hey! Okay! Fine! Ouch, stop it!" Toro winced as Michie kept on poking him. Tokitoh laughed, his laughter sounded much more lighthearted than ever. He turned around, facing Hotaru. "Before you start poking me like Michie, ~ouch!~ I'm handing the machine to you ~ouch!~ Stop it, Hotaru!" Tokitoh jumped off the dance platform while parrying Hotaru's jabs with his hands. Hotaru giggled, still trying to get Tokitoh while her feet stepped lightly upon the arrows on the platform, choosing her song of choice for her round on the dance machine. "Well, wait till you two see us on the Nonstop Mode!" exclaimed Michie gleefully as she chose the Nonstop session for their game. Tokitoh and Toro laughed heartily. "Of course. We know you two are great players. Go on!_ Ganbatte_! [Work harder!]" cheered Toro, mimicking the girls' earlier cheerleading efforts by waving his arms in the air like he had some imaginary pompoms in his hands. 

Tokitoh laughed. Hanging out with them was fun. Although he was quite cynical at first, but he was proven wrong indeed. Just moments after he met Hotaru, he was introduced to many other wonderful people. There was Sayaka, Hotaru's friend who dyed her hair platinum to match those of Tamaki Nami of the Gundam Seed anime opening song 'Believe' fame. Just like the real Tamaki Nami, Sayaka's voice was rather deep. Even for her talent quest, she sang that particular song and drove the crowd into a frenzy. ["Now that's what I call fan power!" grinned Sayaka.] And then there was Michie, the girl who cosplayed Yuna FFX-2 for her performance later. Michie came with two other friends, Emiko and Masami who also dolled themselves up as Rikku and Paine from FFX-2 also, respectively. [Asked why the threesome came as the FFX-2 heroines, Emiko answered Tokitoh. "Oh? Well, that's a secret. You'll see later in the afternoon." Her answer was chorused by a round of giggles from the girls. Tokitoh couldn't fathom what they meant, so he just shrugged.]

And there was Toro, the guy who dressed up like a hip-hop maniac. Not surprisingly, he showcased his turntable talents during the talent show earlier on. And there was also Sora, the 14-year-old, youngest in their bunch, who was an angel in comparison to anyone there. He was indeed a prodigy in violin, he was a guest participant for the talent quest. Given his angelic and innocent facade, Tokitoh wondered why did he chose to follow them.

Sora blushed at the question. Toro pulled him over by the neck and snuggled him. "Of course he had to follow! He's mine." Toro playfully placed his arms around Sora and acted as though as he was protective of him. Everyone laughed. 

They went towards the arcade as soon as everyone gathered. No one was a stranger, in their opinion. Although all of them met on that day itself, their ties were close-knitted. Tokitoh smiled. He had never knew anyone in the society with such openness. Either way, he wasn't a major in 'sociology', nor he was a sociable person either. Rather, he was someone who stick to his old buddies. But now,..._ where are the 'buddies' when you need them?_

The first round of the talent quest ended approximately at noon, allowing all of them to have lunch together. The whole bunch was loud, talking and yelling most of the time in the newly opened fast-food restaurant. Tokitoh grinned. Just what he liked. A loud, talkative, hyperactive bunch of friends that don't care about where you came from, who you are, what was your background or whatsoever. They cared about having fun, about going out, about hanging out together. About togetherness, about friendship, about being the best party-people around. Their definition of 'party' is universal; everywhere, every time, everything is a party. Life is a party. Life is enjoyment. Life is to be fulfilled to the maximum, to be the best out of the best!

When they reached the arcade, there was another problem arising. Not everyone wanted to play the same game. And thus this created a real temporary dispute amongst them. 

"I don't care. I'm going to play Time Crisis 3." Sayaka announced. She pointed to the stairs, and towards a row of machines on the 1st floor. "Find me up there when you're done." Tokitoh was rather shocked when she just proclaimed her choice and walked off with Emiko trailing behind her. Emiko had the courtesy to wave before she followed, though. But others ignored Sayaka's behavior and continued debating on where to go. "Look, I want to go on the DDR machine!" protested Toro. "Me too!" Hotaru puts up her hand. "No! Why that? Its lame! I think at least Initial D is way better." Masami remarked. Sora only nodded slightly. 

"I guess we could split up for the moment, and then we'll just gather somewhere later, okay? We do have each other's numbers in our cellular phone, right?" reasoned Tokitoh. Hotaru nodded vigorously in agreement. "Yeah. I had Sayaka's, Michie's and Masami's numbers. I think its sufficient." "Okay, see you in about an hour or a half?" Masami bade farewell. "Yeah. Enjoy!" Hotaru quipped as Masami and Sora headed towards the other side of the arcade. Toro didn't look too pleased. ["How could he (Sora) just walk away without telling me?" Toro muttered under his breath, audible enough to be heard by Tokitoh.] Tokitoh suppressed a laughter that was forming within his stomach.

And there they were after the agreement. Tokitoh, Toro, Hotaru and Michie went towards the dance machine area. There were many people, some queuing up for tokens, some watching the players, some waiting for their turns. The newest machines such as the latest versions of Para Para Paradise and Dancemania was packed and there was a waiting list. The foursome decided to take the older machines so that they wouldn't need to wait so long. Finally, after browsing, they settled upon the DDR Max 2 machine. 

"I still can't believe Sora left me." Toro muttered indignantly. He was tapping his feet to the rhythm of the music. Tokitoh placed a hand reassuringly on Toro's shoulders. "Hey, he just wanted to play something else, right? Its not like he's leaving you forever." Toro scowled. "You don't know him, Tokitoh. He's the one who loves to play hide-and-seek with me at school."

Tokitoh couldn't help but to laugh. _Well, at least he did not run away from you permanently,_ he added mentally. Thinking about the twosome, he smiled as he was reminded of his hypothetical relationship with Kubota. "So, who's the '_seme_'? Sora?" Tokitoh asked cheekily. Toro scowled even deeper. "No. Obviously I am." Toro grimaced. "Life is hard."

"Why?" Tokitoh asked, curious at Toro's unlikely statement. Toro continued staring at Hotaru and Michie's dance. The girls were giggling and laughing as they progressed in the game, into the second song of the Nonstop Mode. "Well, sometimes I wonder if I am just too ... you know,... playful? Or rather, flirty. Sora doesn't like it that much. I just couldn't help it. It might have made him insecure though." Toro paused to cogitate. "Sometimes I don't mean it. Its just my nature. We had a big argument once, all just because of some stupid misunderstanding. The whole thing was ugly." 

Tokitoh sighed. "So, what happened then?"

"Well,... the whole fight lasted for a month. We got back finally. Admittedly I was wrong. I was too stubborn to admit that I am wrong. He was depressed and everything over the fight. I felt really sorry in the end, and apologized. Well, at least we are back together now... just that I'm trying not to flirt with anyone in front of him. He even gets jealous if I flirt with a girl! Hell, even if the person is way older, he doesn't like it." Toro exclaimed in what that Tokitoh identified as an exasperated tone. "But, I really cared for him." Toro added in the end, his voice echoed with a sense of pride. Tokitoh smiled.

"At least both of you ended up together." Tokitoh said. Toro chuckled. "Why,... your voice sounded distant. Missing someone?" 

"No!" Tokitoh scowled. It was enough to tell Hotaru everything a few hour ago. To tell and repeat the same whole damn story again to someone else really taxed his patience. Nonetheless the ambience of an arcade spelled 'fun' to him. An arcade was not a place for counseling nor little petty heart-to-heart talks. And he didn't expect Toro to sing 'Final Distance' either. _Wait,.. I don't even want to hear that song again. Sheesh, I had enough of those songs!_

"Nah, you're lying though your teeth." Toro grinned. "Its so obvious with the way you are when I spoke of Sora just now." Tokitoh blinked. "Oh, really?" He retorted. "Well, I'm nothing. There's no missing whosoever or whatsoever, as far as I am fucking concerned." His voice were strangely a pitch higher when he said 'no missing whosoever'. The frequency change gave way to Toro for a smirk to slowly form on his face.

"Tsk. Touchy touchy, aren't we?" Toro winked. He slapped Tokitoh heartily on the shoulder. "Of course I believe you,... not." Tokitoh's scowl deepened. As Tokitoh opened his mouth to reply, a shrill scream of glee made him turn. Hotaru and Michie were hugging each other, squealing. "What happened to you two?" Toro asked, taken aback. Tokitoh stared at them, wide-eyed. Hotaru pointed at the large screen, still giggling madly. "We got into the high score! Oh my god!" Michie squealed happily. 

Tokitoh shook his head. "Girls..." he muttered. Toro was commenting something about the girls' behavior, but he didn't pay much attention. He was too caught up within his thoughts; everything around him blurred and were drowned underneath a veil of haze. _No missing whosoever... not at all._

_I felt so nice, so caught up in the others,... _Tokitoh wanted to scream in glee too, just like the girls, but instead, a huge smile plastered upon his face. 

_Its time for a new beginning._

"C'mon, let both Toro and I break your records!" Tokitoh exclaimed, chorused by cheers from Toro, Hotaru and Michie. Life seems marvelous, all of a sudden.

* * *

Sayaka fired aggressively at the screen, her fingers tightly clenching the heavy gun. With expertise she switched weapons on-screen, from machine gun to a shotgun, sending all the opponents to the depths of seven hells, or maybe, the hells that a computer AI could offer. Beside her, a much calmer and steady sharpshooter Emiko aimed at the attacking enemies, firing them one-by-one but never losing her balance. While Emiko managed to complete the stage, Sayaka's luck wasn't too good. She was 'killed' just right before the final frame in that stage. "Tsk. Bummer." Sayaka sighed, watching Emiko proceeding on the next stage. How she wished that she had extra tokens! She should have changed for more. To walk away to get more will just waste her time. After all, they were on the 1st floor of the arcade where all the latest game machines were placed. Sayaka prodded the coin slot glumly. "Do you have another token, Emi-san?" 

"I'm sorry. This is my last one." Emiko answered good-naturedly, her attention still fixed on the wide screen that flashed images of men clad in army and militant uniforms hiding behind some barrels and wooden crates. The screen brightened in a fusion of reds and oranges as an explosion occurred when Emiko threw a grenade towards the hiding men. Sayaka sighed. Usually she wasn't so bad in that game. She poked at the slot absent-mindedly, wishing that she had just another token with her...

"Allow me."

Sayaka looked up. Puzzled, she stared at the tall guy in front of her. "Uh,..." Somehow the guy was vaguely familiar. Sayaka taped her chin. "Wait,... I know that we've met before... where was it..." Sayaka pondered, frowning in deep thought. Emiko's gaze adverted from the screen to their direction from time to time, trying to keep up with the conversation between Sayaka and that new guy who appeared out of nowhere. Emiko surveyed the guy while dodging flying bullets from the enemies. She fired again, but missed. 

"... ah! I remembered. You're one of the Executive Committee members in Araiso, right? The place where I was the temporary counselor. Kubota, if I am not mistaken..." Sayaka said, grinning. The guy, Kubota, nodded. "Hey, long time no see! How's life doing you?" Sayaka questioned, smiling. "Life is just as usual, Miss Lecturer Sayaka. My hands are so full of events and other things." Kubota said, returning her smile.

"Still on the Executive Committee, eh?" Sayaka queried as she stepped aside to allow him to have his turn on the Time Crisis 3 machine. Kubota picked up the gun in his hand, his focus were on the screen while conversing with Sayaka. "Yes. Still inside there with the ones you knew from last year. Ainoura, Murota, Matsubara... the old team,... as well as new members." 

"Well, they'll need you old faces inside. It is hard to keep discipline at bay." Sayaka said, staring at the two giant screens. Emiko had only one more chance, which means that they could leave there soon and rejoin the others below. Meanwhile, Kubota started on his game, firing his way through the first stage. Sayaka looked at Kubota. The tall, slender guy was in his usual garb; hard-collared white shirt, black trousers, shoulder-length hair tied up in an elastic band, those lips pursed around an unmistakable cigarette, grey eyes fixed with a nonchalant gaze upon the flat-panel screen through those glasses. But something looked amiss in the portrait of this young man Sayaka knew from her last year's experience as a temporary counselor at the much problematic all-boys school Araiso Private High. She was posted there as part of her training to be a school counselor, and just months before Araiso turned into a co-ed education institute, she graduated and now worked as a counselor in another school. Sayaka was grateful for Kubota's assistance during her period of training at Araiso as he helped her to get familiar with the ropes in Araiso. 

"You seem a little different from the Kubota I used to know." Sayaka commented after a pregnant moment of silence. Kubota raised an eyebrow, still shooting at the enemies that appeared non-stop. From the corner of her eye, Sayaka watched with glee as Emiko's life bar reached to the end, the screen flashing "Game Over or Continue" with its solid countdown timer ticking the time away from 30 seconds, threatening to end the game altogether if she doesn't feed the machine with another silver token. "Curses." Emiko muttered as she pouted. "Here, take this one and continue." Kubota handed Emiko a token. "What~? Oh,... thanks!" Emiko was taken by surprise when Kubota handed her a token, his other hand still gripping the pistol tightly. Grinning triumphantly towards Sayaka's direction, she flashed the silver coin and sent it directly into the machine's stomach, allowing herself to another helping of the infectious game. Sayaka shook her head in disbelief. "Kubota! You should have give me a token when I wanted to continue the game just now! And now you're helping her when she's just an unknown stranger?"

"So? You are the one who's preaching about discipline, unity and togetherness 24/7 in Araiso." Kubota answered, his eyes twinkling. "By the way, there's something about your sentence before this. Me,... different? Now, what was that supposed to mean?" 

"I just don't know. You seem to have something in your head. You're rather,..." Sayaka paused to find the right word to phrase her thoughts. "... distracted. Yeah, distracted. You seem to have lost that really sharp gaze of yours. Somehow, you gave me the impression of being in some deep shit or some really bad situation. I mean,..." Sayaka hesitated as Kubota cast her an inquiring look. 

"Hmm, but I think I am always like that. Without much care about the world. Isn't that the way I am?" Kubota asked, smiling. His fingers deftly pulled the trigger, knocking down several enemies. The screen flashed "Stage Cleared". Kubota let the second stage story roll on by as he turned around, facing Sayaka. "Yeah, that is indeed you. You acted like you don't give even a fuck about the world. But usually your gaze were sharp and piercing, alert. Unlike today. Your eyes were rather clouded, unfocused. I couldn't help but to think you're much troubled or something." Sayaka deduced finally. Kubota nodded. 

"Bingo. No wonder you're such a good counselor for the notorious Araiso company. Did I ever tell you that Ootsuka had a crush on you?" Kubota remarked wryly. It was Sayaka's turn to arch her eyebrow. "Really? He was one of the worst person I've ever counseled! But he is not that bad..." Seeing Kubota's wide grin, Sayaka added hastily. "...after all, he did reform a little after those counseling sessions!" Sayaka placed her hands on her hips firmly. "But you haven't tell me yet, Kubota. What happened? What is weighing down your heart?" 

"Some internal problems." Kubota sighed, his face grim. He pulled the trigger again, once, twice, thrice, embarking on his quest to finish the second stage. "Tell me then. I'll like to hear a problem now." Sayaka grinned widely. "My, my. What a workaholic you are. Playing counselor even on holidays?" Kubota said, his words laced in irony. Sayaka wagged her index finger at him. "You know what are the consequences if someone refuses a counseling session by me." 

"What can you do if I refuse? Send me to the principal? Make me endure some 'forbidden treatment' by Igarashi-_sensei? _I'm unfazed. Nonetheless I'm in the mood of telling, anyway." Kubota said, smiling. "Well, remember those whole ordeal about having couples in school?" Sayaka slapped her forehead. "How could I forget? Those were the silliest cases I've ever solved." Kubota was referring to the many cases Sayaka solved before in Araiso that involves love problems between two students of the same school, or in layman's terms, adolescence homosexual relationships which is indeed commonplace in a same-gender school. Everyone seems to take Sayaka as a love counselor rather than a discipline counselor when she worked at Araiso. 

"Wait... don't tell me..." Sayaka looked at Kubota, eyes wide opened. "Don't tell me you and... Matsumoto... hooked up?" 

"No." Kubota's face contorted into a deep frown. "Obviously not. It was someone else. A much,... delightful person." added Kubota, smiling. "Ah,... so tell me then." Sayaka noted. Beneath the loud sounds of firearms and explosions from the speakers, Kubota's voice was slightly drowned by it. Nonetheless, he continued to talk.

"Well, that person is a new guy. Same grade, same class. New member of EC too. Both of us happen to stay together in my apartment. Well, let's just say that the both of us got intimate and soon were lovers." Sayaka noted the 'were' word in the sentence. "Then, one very fine day,..." Kubota's voice dripped with sarcasm on the word 'very fine', leaving his sentence trailing mid-air. Sayaka raised her eyebrow. "Lover's quarrel, eh?" 

"Yes." Kubota nodded. "So, how are you and that person?" Sayaka queried. "Negative. He's not even around." Kubota remarked bitterly. "WHAT?" Sayaka gasped. "What happened to him???"

"No,... not what you think. He's still alive,... of course, but he is not here with me. That's all. We're still in the middle of quarrelling. Nothing much." Kubota grinned. "And you are here, doing nothing to get him back?" Sayaka said in disbelief. "What are you expecting him to do, crawling back to you when you did nothing to make him come back to you?" 

"Oh no. I tried to fish him back, of course." retorted Kubota good-naturedly. Sayaka grimaced at the terminology Kubota used. _He sounded like some angler trying to fish up some fish from the river or pond or whatever_. "So, any progress?" Sayaka asked, quite amazed at what she saw on Kubota's side of the screen. He passed through half of the second stage with ease albeit talking to her while playing. Meanwhile, Emiko lost altogether. She leaned against the machine, watching Kubota play and listening aptly to their conversation.

"Coming soon, I guess." Kubota said. Sayaka pursed her lips. "Hmm,... what's so attractive about that guy anyway? And how does he looks like, anyway?" She looked at Kubota curiously. Kubota smiled sideways. "He? Talkative. Impulsive. Brash. Loud-mouthed. Short. And beautiful. To me, anyway. Any normal human who thinks he's beautiful must have something wrong in his or her brains. Well, I guess I had something wrong in my mind, to begin with." He shrugged. "I guess the thing that attracted me to him is the fact that we understood each other perfectly. Well,... maybe that was the main factor in our bonding." He shrugged again. 

Emiko giggled suddenly. Both Sayaka and Kubota gave her inquiring looks, perplexed at her sudden outburst. "Oops." Emiko said, blushing. "No... why are you laughing?" Sayaka asked. Emiko smiled, grinning slightly. "Nothing... its just that the description of Kubota-san's 'lover' reminded me of someone."

"Who?"

"The new guy we knew through Hotaru-san,... you know? The guy with the navy blue hair... what's his name..." Emiko scratched her head. "Oh, you mean Tokitoh, right?" Sayaka said. "Yeah. Him." Emiko nodded happily. "He is the only one I knew that is talkative, brash, loud-mouthed, impulsive and short. But beautiful is not the word to describe him. I think he's rather handsome, though." The two girls turned to look at Kubota, trying to see his reaction, but it wasn't of what either one of them had expected.

His face was grim, eyebrows tightly knitted on the top. "It couldn't be..." Kubota muttered. Sayaka noticed a wave of change washed over Kubota as he missed several opponents. His focus was wavering. "Emiko-san, can you hold this game for me?" Emiko nodded, surprised as Kubota handled her the gun. She took control over the game immediately. Kubota thanked her.

"Sayaka, who is that Tokitoh person you and Emiko are talking about?" Kubota's unusually distant look were replaced by a sharp stare as he bore into Sayaka's eyes. Sayaka paused, taken aback by the sudden change in the tall and lanky guy. "Well, he was some guy that we knew just a few hours ago. All of us were just new friends. After all, the talent quest really brought us strangers together." Kubota nodded thoughtfully, still staring at her with intense eyes. "Can you show me who is he?"

Sayaka walked towards the railings nearby. The first floor of the arcade only comprises half of the ground floor area. The top floor overlooked the lower floor from one corner. The placing of the Time Crisis machines were strategic enough as they were located on the edge of the top floor. She surveyed the lower floor, trying to think where will Hotaru, Tokitoh and the rest hang out. She spotted Sora and Masami in one corner, steering their way through the fast and furious lanes of Initial D Arcade Ver. 2 with ferocious velocity. _It can't be... they must have split up altogether. So now they must have been somewhere else..._ Sayaka walked to the edge. "Where the hell..." she muttered. Kubota waited patiently. 

Sayaka suddenly pumped her fist into the air. "Yeah! I found them!" Hotaru's brightly bleached blond hair stood out from the crowd. Even so, Toro's spiky hair set in dreadlocks could be easily recognized. She flashed Kubota a toothy grin and pointed to somewhere just down where they stood. Kubota smiled. "Figures... he should be there, all right." He well knew how much Tokitoh loved the DDR machines. How could he forget? _It has been quite some time that he is away from me... _

"There. That is Tokitoh." Sayaka pointed again specifically to the shorter guy that stood beside Toro, talking casually. "Is he the one?"

"Affirmative. I just couldn't believe what luck I had." Kubota commented, smiling sideways. Sayaka pursed her lips and placed her hands on her hips. "Oh well, so what are you to do about this?" Kubota shrugged. "Not sure. All I know is that I want him back. Soon." 

"Well, you can't just stand here doing nothing." Sayaka remarked, folding her arms. "Yes, yes, Miss Love Counselor. I am moving. Now, loan me your cellular phone." Kubota motioned her to hand her phone over. Sayaka eyed him curiously, her eyebrows arched. Gingerly she held her phone between her thumb and index finger, and placed it on Kubota's palm. "Whatever it is going to be, I have a bad feeling." Sayaka said. Kubota gave her a reassuring smile. "I promise nothing will happen to your phone. I need it to call someone." With those words, he punched the buttons on the keypad with this finger. 

"Why do I keep having some unlucky premonition about today?" Sayaka mouthed to Emiko. Emiko grinned, still enjoying her free turn on the machine. Beside her, a young guy arrived and started a new game on the machine. He smiled at Emiko. The young girl blushed, but grinned in return. Sayaka resisted the urge to fake puking in Emiko's direction. So, she prodded Kubota on the arm.

"Why can't you use your own cellular?" Sayaka pouted. Kubota sighed. "If you mind about me wasting your airtime credit, Sayaka-san, I'll just pay you later." Sayaka shook her head in denial. "No, I don't care about the money. I am just curious." "Will explain later... I'm on business here..." Kubota said, smiling. Sayaka rolled her eyes. _Fine... just so fine..._

* * *

Tokitoh was about to step onto the DDR platform when suddenly vibrations send unpleasant shivers down his spine. Deliberately cursing as he motioned to Hotaru to take his place, he fished out his cellular phone from his pocket, its icy blue screen blinked rapidly. The gadget vibrated strongly in his palms as he struggled to flip the cover. "What the hell..." The liquidized screen displayed an unknown number. Shrugging, he picked up the call. "Hello?"

"Tokitoh."

Tokitoh felt an ice cube slid down his throat, into the esophagus and down to his stomach. Just exactly what he doesn't need. The silky voice that used to generate delightful impulses spiraling downwards his spine. The alluring voice that belonged to the one who knew him so well. The enticing magnitude of that voice that used to drown him in waves of pleasure...

"What do you want?" Tokitoh found himself barking into the receiver, although he well knew that he didn't need to shout to make himself heard. Somehow, he was furious. _What the fucking hell? Just because I felt so good with all the people I knew today, just because my mind forgot about worrying for a moment, just because I forgot all my sorrows, all my troubles when I had so much fun... does that mean I am subjected to more mental tortures? God, you're hell of a cruel._

"Just look up from where you stood."

"Why must I comply?" Tokitoh snapped. His sudden outrage brought Hotaru to attention. Even Michie and Toro exchanged nervous glances. 

"Just,... look."

Tokitoh looked up hesitatingly. There, leaned against the railings, the slender profile of Makoto Kubota outlined so sharply from its background that Tokitoh felt so painful to place his eyes upon. Kubota gave him a smile; one that could melt the heart of ice, a smile that beckoned him, a smile that says "Come on.", a smile that was so magnetic that he felt his heart of steel drawn towards it, to surrender. Tokitoh snapped out of his reverie. "So what?" Tokitoh retorted, still glaring daggers towards Kubota. Kubota grinned.

"Just calling to say... hello. Nothing much." 

"Yeah. Like I'll believe that." muttered Tokitoh, his eyes glowering. _Like I'll ever believe in you anymore_.

"How are you?"

"Better off without you. Thank you so much for your concern." Tokitoh replied, voice slightly wavering as he stressed on the phrase 'without you'. Nonetheless he kept his defiant look towards Kubota. He didn't want to lose. Furthermore, he felt no longer traumatized by the surge of loneliness within him. Instead, it gave him a new source of power that urged him to resist, to rebuke, to go against what and where he should be. 

"I see that you're having a good time." Pause. Silence. "Well, take care, Tokitoh. I'll be seeing you very soon. I know." Click. Beep. And that voice was gone through the cellular phone. Kubota lingered on there he stood for a while, still standing there with a sadistic smile plastered upon his face. Tokitoh gave a scowl. _Very soon? Oh no,... I don't plan to meet you anytime soon, Kubo-chan. Wait. Amendment. I don't plan to meet you anytime soon, Kubota. I don't need your words. I don't need your promises._

The figure of Makoto Kubota turned around slowly, and disappeared into the crowd on the 1st floor. Tokitoh gave a final scathing look at that direction. _ Yeah, try that act again, Kubota. I'm unfazed... really._ Tokitoh smiled to himself. It seems like he's finally adapting to the new ways. Sans Kubota. Without him. Tokitoh looked up only to face a gaping Hotaru, a puzzled Michie and an equally confused Toro. Another bout of silence. The only thing Tokitoh heard was the thumping beats of the music that blared out from the DDR machine speakers that were barely a foot away from him. "That's him? K, I mean." Hotaru questioned, breaking the unusual silence. Tokitoh nodded. 

Hotaru tried to detect signs of breakdown on Tokitoh, but found none. "It seems like you're now much more confident." remarked Hotaru quietly. Tokitoh nodded. "I guess... I just can't believe that he tracked me down here... or whatever curious coincidence it was that led him here. Somehow, I am not going to let him spoil my mood. Furthermore, he deserves a piece of my mind. He is just playing me up for way too long." Tokitoh said, his voice subdued. The conclusion to everything was like unfitting puzzles in a jigsaw. His words didn't match the missing pieces, and yet they mimicked the empty space. The words stuck fast into the holes, although leaving it sealed improperly, somehow it was better off than before : empty.

"Its your decision and I respect it." Hotaru acknowledged, smiling. Michie shrugged. "I am not sure of what is going on, but well, either way, we're supporting you, Tokitoh!" She cheered, grinning. "Yeah. I'm not letting anything or anyone to spoil my mood when I'm having so much fun with you people." Tokitoh grinned widely.

"I'll be challenging anyone who dares to dance the Nonstop Mode with me!" Tokitoh shouted as he jumped onto the platform. "Let's get on with the fun!"

* * *

"If I call Tokitoh using my own cellular, he'll know its me and he'll probably reject my call." Kubota gave her a short but concise explanation that spoke volumes in conclusion as he closed the brief conversation he had with Tokitoh. Sayaka nodded knowingly. 

"He seems unaffected with it." commented Emiko as she stood by the railings where Kubota stood just now. Kubota, who was leaning against the Time Crisis 3 machine, just gave her a smile. "I know. It will take a moment for everything to dawn on him. He might be all right now, but he'll feel the impact of the conversation later."

"You're such a sadist, Kubota." Sayaka said, running her fingers through her platinum hair. She twirled one loose strand with her finger, drawing curls and swirls with it. Kubota smiled. "Thank you for the compliment." Kubota returned her cellular phone to her. "I'll be seeing you sometime, I hope?"

"If you ever need any 'love advice' from your ex-counselor, that is." retorted Sayaka sarcastically. Emiko laughed. "Ignore her. She's always sarcastic." 

"I know. That's what I like : a loud-mouthed, impulsive counselor that reminds me of the person I just called." Kubota remarked, pointing to the place where he spotted Tokitoh just now. Sayaka rolled her eyes. "Well, Mr. Kubota, during the farewell party that you EC people held for me when I was about to end my training at Araiso, you said the same thing. Yeah, like we ever keep in touch." Despite her acid words, Sayaka smiled. She knew somehow Kubota will keep his words this time. It has something to it. Something. Something about the special person that changed his life. Something about Tokitoh. She felt like it was such a curious and suspicious coincidence. Has Fate willed it to let her make friends with Tokitoh and to meet Kubota later?

"We did. I met you here. I will be seeing you some time soon. I know." Kubota winked. Then, he added. "I really mean it." Sayaka couldn't help but to grin. "Want to bet?" Deep down inside, she knew that he'll find her somehow. He wasn't the kind to leave a relationship turn sour if he could help it. And Sayaka knew that Kubota must have cared much for Tokitoh. 

"Don't bet. You'll lose. Just,..." he paused, thinking, "... just be around when I need your help. That's all." There. His words confirmed her deductions. 

"Sure. See you soon." Sayaka bid farewell to Kubota. Kubota smiled, but before he left, he put his hands into his pocket, and withdrew something. He took Emiko's hand and placed the thing in it. "Take it. My task is done,... I'm leaving." With those words, he departed, the two girls staring blankly at his turned back.

"What he gave you, by the way?" Sayaka asked Emiko curiously. Emiko was smiling widely, blushing slightly. "Hey, are you hearing?" Sayaka repeated, frowning. Emiko slowly revealed it. Sayaka screeched. "What?! That stupid, idiot guy! He gave you all his tokens! He doesn't even know you that well and..." Sayaka's voice trailed as Emiko laughed heartily, her hands clutching the silver coins as they caught the reflections of the lights, gleaming and winking teasingly.

* * *

"And so, we got into the high-score! But somehow, the guys challenged us but unfortunately, they didn't make their way in." Michie talked happily as all of them rejoined and walked together towards the floor where the talent quest was held. The second round was over and the results will be announced soon. Toro pretended to pout. "Oh no! It was all Michie's fault! She dared us to take on the Random set and we were so unlucky to get the tough songs! My legs hurt after dancing that stupid Paranoia Clean Mix song! Michie and Hotaru was lucky enough to get simple rookie songs like Dynamite Rave. That is not fair." Hotaru poked him at the ribs. "Hey, watch what you're saying! Its your own unlucky choice, not ours. And who was the one who bragged to us that he is a DDR maestro?" 

Sora smiled. "That's typical of Toro. Hey, they're announcing the results now." He pointed towards the stage. The announcer that was in-charge of the event took her place at the podium. Tokitoh and the rest tried to get a strategic spot in the midst of the crowd. A large number of people had gathered there earlier, everyone anticipating the result of the talent quest. There were excited chatters from every corner. Tokitoh practically had to shout to get himself heard by the others.

"Hey, it seems like its really packed." He commented. Sayaka nodded. "Everyone, let's split. We'll meet later after the results, okay? The crowd is too much... we can't just break in if we are in a group." reasoned Sayaka. Everyone agreed, and began moving away in pairs. Hotaru grabbed Tokitoh by the wrist, causing him to wince a little. "Chill! You're so tensed up!" Tokitoh grumbled as he let Hotaru dragged him through the growing crowd. Hotaru bit her lips. "Well, I did my best. At least I get something... hopefully. Either way, I don't count on winning big, either." Hotaru confessed, giggling. Tokitoh smiled and gave her an assuring pat on the shoulder. "I know you could. I never met a counselor that could sing 'Final Distance' while counseling. Maybe you should really display your singing-and-counseling talent next time." 

"You're being sarcastic, aren't you?" Hotaru quipped, smiling. As Tokitoh was about to open his mouth to retort, the shrill cry of the microphone interrupted him. "Hello everybody!" The announcer chirped brightly, waving at the mass of crowd that gathered there in enthusiasm. Everyone cheered. "Welcome back! Now, I have the results to the talent quest competition. Please remember that all judges decision are final! Now, let's welcome~" 

The crowd cheered wildly as some VIP came onstage. Mildly interested, Tokitoh turned his attention to Hotaru. She was somewhat cringing. "What happened to you?" Tokitoh asked, concerned. Hotaru shook her head. "I'm just nervous, that's all." "And you call yourself a counselor? C'mon, just counsel yourself to calm down." Tokitoh said, grinning. Hotaru pinched him hard on the elbow. "Can't you be a little sympathetic?" 

"I could if I want to." Tokitoh replied evenly. He could hear the announcer reading the consolation prize winners. The whole concourse area erupted in applause as the winners went on-stage to receive their prizes. There were five places for that. Hotaru's name were nowhere to be found on that list. This could only mean that Hotaru made it,... or not. 

"Toro Sakaguchi!" The announcer revealed the last consolation prizewinner's name. Toro's eyes were as wide as saucers, or in his terms, turntable disks. Toro went onstage, practically grinning his head off as he shook the VIP's hand heartily and waved his trophy wildly. In his enthusiasm he knocked over the girl who was holding the tray of trophies. Everyone laughed, even Toro who blushed but laughed along with the others. 

"Oh man, I couldn't believe I knew him..." muttered Sayaka as she slapped her forehead at Toro's antics. Sora smiled, clearly dismissing her words as he was too happy for his partner. 

The crowd held their breath as the announcer flipped her cards. "Well, its the time we've been waiting for! The top three places! Now, the second-runner-up goes to..." The announcer paused, and then announced chirpily. "Matsuri Sayaka!" Sayaka flipped her platinum hair and tossed it like a model before proceeding onto the stage. There were a fusion of wild applause and catcalls as she accepted trophy rather modestly. Toro and Sayaka exchanged high-fives. 

"First-runner up... let's welcome... Imada Shigeko!" Tokitoh crinkled his nose as some unknown stranger went up to receive his trophy. Hotaru whispered to him. "Imada is from the second round..." Tokitoh mouthed an 'oh' and returned his attention on the announcements.

"And... ladies and gentlemen, this is the one we've all been waiting for..." The announcer paused, allowing the heightening anticipation of the crowd to soar into a frenzy. There was an odd silence as tension and anxiousness swept the crowd like a predatory creature. Finally, the announcer spoke up.

"Let's welcome... Sora Hideyuki!" The crowd was wild, cheering madly as a tomato-red Sora walked up on the stage, smiling bashfully. Several girls screamed "Sora-kun, _ai shiteru!_ [I love you!]" maybe as part of a joke. Toro grabbed Sora by the waist and planted a kiss on his cheek, and pointed at the fangirls. "He's mine!" Sora tried to push him away. The whole crowd laughed. 

Tokitoh was viewing the whole spectacle of Toro's antics with a bemused smile. Remembering Hotaru, he turned around. She looked a little disappointed, but seems happy all the same. "Hey, you all right?" Tokitoh asked. Hotaru nodded. "Its okay. As long as most of our friends win, I'm satisfied. Sora deserves the first prize. His playing of the violin was spectacular! He is really a true-born prodigy." Tokitoh looked at her wryly. "Really! I am not sad or whatsoever. I'm happy for everyone." Hotaru smiled. Tokitoh grinned. "Yeah,... come on! Let's celebrate the victors!" Together with the others, they ran onstage, hugging the winners of the talent quest.

* * * 

"Oh man, I still can't believe he won over me!" Toro said for the umpteenth time as he pretended to pout. Sora shoved him on the chest. "Stop it. Its getting embarrassing!" Tokitoh and the rest laughed. It was past eight post meridian, and they had just exited a posh Japanese cuisine restaurant, all full from dinner. The evening was courtesy of Sora's generosity ["He ought to! He won, after all!" Michie said, giggling.]. Now, the whole group walked outside of the shopping complex, loitering and wasting their time away. Night was indeed young.

"So, Tokitoh, are you going home after this?" Sayaka asked. Tokith shook his head. "Belonged nowhere." 

This answer raised everyone's eyebrow. "Eh? So where are you heading to after this?" Emiko queried, looking concerned. Tokitoh shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't know. Most probably will go to some hotel or inn or whatever lodging available." He felt somewhat uneasy underneath the prying eyes of seven people in front of him. Suddenly, everyone laughed. 

"Join us then, Tokitoh. We are all not natives of Tokyo. We come from many many different places all over Japan, just for this talent quest, and of course, tomorrow's event." Michie winked towards Emiko and Masami's direction. The girls laughed. Tokitoh frowned. "I don't get it..."

"Well, let me simplify everything. We all happened to meet here a few days back, and were wondering where we could stay for the moment. Thankfully we met Hotaru, who generously lodged us at her boyfriend's hotel." Masami explained. Tokitoh's eyes were wide in astonishment. "Your boyfriend owns a hotel???" Hotaru blushed. "No! Not my boyfriend. His father owns it." She shrugged.

"Technically he does." Tokitoh said, grinning. "Yeah, and that's why she got us free rooms there! I guess we could take you in, too." Emiko said, smiling. "Can we, Hotaru?"

"Oh, definitely. You are most welcomed there, Tokitoh! Come on..." "Yeah! Join us!" "Please?" "C'mon, man!" "Pretty please?" "It'll be fun, together!" Everyone voiced out at once, trying to get Tokitoh to stay. At last, Tokitoh held his hands up exasperatedly. "Fine! I'll stay." Seven fists pumped up in the air in joy. "Alright! Let's get back, and prepare for tomorrow!" Tokitoh tried not to roll his eyes. "Can anyone tell me what's going on tomorrow?" "We will,... not." Michie said, laughing. Tokitoh frowned. "You people are sure weird..."

"That's what they call 'strange bedfellows', Tokitoh-kun." Emiko chirped. "You can't escape us now." Everyone laughed, including Tokitoh. "Oh well, I guess I have to wait for tomorrow, eh?" Tokitoh smiled. 

* * *

The clock struck past twelve. Another day. The corridors outside were silent. As silent as a grave, as silent as a strange wavelength of clarity that resonated through the fabricated walls of the luxurious suite that he accommodated. He groaned inwardly as he turned around in the fluffy coverlets, contemplating. He debated silently whether he should kill the others for pestering him into following them to stay at the hotel.

Well, Hotaru was a gracious hostess, to begin with. She introduced him to her boyfriend immediately as they reached the hotel. Her boyfriend was a tall and slender guy with shoulder-length jet black hair, cut layered and resembling a model. In fact, Tokitoh would believe if he was told that the guy in front of him was indeed a model. 

"Tokitoh, meet Koitsu Mochizuki, my boyfriend. Koitsu, this is Tokitoh Minoru." Hotaru introduced the young guy to her lover, and her lover to Tokitoh. They shook hands. "Hey, stay here if you want to, Tokitoh. Part of Hotaru's recruitment plans, eh?" Koitsu winked. Hotaru pinched Koitsu on the cheeks. "Hey! He's a friend I met during today's events!" To Tokitoh, she said, "Ignore Koitsu. He's jealous that he couldn't go for the talent quest. Anyway, Koitsu, you can be at tomorrow's event. You're free, right?" "Yeah, I am." Koitsu bent down to plant a brief kiss on Hotaru's lips. 

They had a party at Michie's suite, playing poker and video games and snuggling each other [where applicable only]. They had karaoke sessions, then some snacks and beverages. It was a night like never before. "After all, we'll be departing tomorrow." Sayaka sighed as she downed another can of beer. Tokitoh stared at her face. She didn't show signs of drunkenness even after four cans of beer. "Can anyone tell me what's going on tomorrow?" Tokitoh asked in annoyance. But everyone pretended to ignore him. 

The party ended when everyone got drunk [or some faking drunkenness]. Tokitoh trotted back to his own suite, tired, worn, but never more happy than ever. The whole day was exhausting, all right, but it was memorable.

Somehow, laying on the soft sensuous white-washed linens of the comfy bed made him even more restless than ever, despite his body screaming for rest after such a taxing day. Slowly, he forced himself to close his eyes. His eyelids were heavy, like thick crystal glass covers on a platter of dish. _I just don't know why I couldn't sleep... its already 12 a.m. and I'm here staring at the ceilings like some fucking idiot. _

His hands roamed over his pants and into the pockets. He fished out his cellular phone, and stared at the number that called him during the afternoon. The voice that haunted his two days worth of journey before this...

_Kubota,... _Tokitoh closed his eyes. The conversation they had replayed itself in his mind, unwillingly. _"Just look up from where you stood." "Why must I comply?" "Just,... look." "So what?" "Just calling to say,... hello. Nothing much."_

_I wished you call to say something else instead. Wouldn't it be better if you apologize? Then we don't need to pretend to be whoever that we are not,... and return to the way we were... _Images of their moments of togetherness flooded his cerebrum and were displayed, manifested and drawn upon his retinas. Tokitoh shook his head. _But everything is over... just so over... over..._

_"Better off without you. Thank you so much for your concern." I almost regretted it again. Fucking words. Fuck everything. Maybe... just maybe, I am wrong this time. _

Suddenly Tokitoh froze. A soft knock on the teak door woke him up from his reverie. "Who the hell is it?" Tokitoh wondered. Slowly, he got up from his bed, and walked towards the door, his footsteps echoed in silence behind him as his feet treaded upon carpeted floors. He cursed loudly as it was late night. "Who the hell could it be..." Tokitoh yawned lazily as he slid the key into the hole, and twisted the knob to the right. 

**End of Part 7b - Evanescence**


	9. Voyage

**Fraudulences Of Words  
**An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

**A/N: **Sorry for the slow update. I'm now busy preparing for my exams, so this is probably the last update before my exams [3rd November – 21st November]. Thank you for reading this fic, as it is very meaningful to me! :D

Reviews, please. On with the fic?

**Part 8 : Voyage**

Sayaka hummed giddily as she snapped open her beeping cellular, and greeted the caller with a slurred "_Moshi moshi_." Her face was flushed red as an aftereffect of the alcohol fiesta in Michie's suite. "Why the hell did you call me in the middle of the night, Kubota?" She said as she allowed herself to fall onto the bed like a rat drowned in _sake_. From the other side of the phone, Kubota was being patient, knowing Sayaka's rather unpredictable nature. "I'm just calling up to find out~"

"Yeah, yeah, I know... about your boyfriend, eh?" Sayaka interrupted him. "Yes... you sounded drunk. Are you all right?" Kubota queried. Sayaka mumbled something Kubota identified as "Give me a moment." Sayaka dropped the phone onto the bed. She felt the heat rise on her face. Dragging herself to the bathroom, she wetted a towel and pressed it against her face. _This is just so much better..._

"Sorry for that just now." Sayaka apologized as she picked up her phone. Even through the cellular, she could hear Kubota shrug. "It's okay. So~" "Yes, about Tokitoh. He was pretty much normal about it... he didn't show any signs of depression or sort. Probably he was unaffected by your call." Sayaka remarked, fiddling with the edges of the white towel on her face. A brief moment of silence, ensued by a thoughtful reply. "Hmm, really? It will take some time, I know. Meanwhile..." Kubota's tone softened. "... look after him, until he is back with me."

"Concerned, are you?" Sayaka noted. Another fragment of time in silence. She could almost imagine Kubota sighing. Her lips curled into a smile. "Well, I know you do. Don't worry. We will be looking out after him." In response, Kubota said nothing. Sayaka pursed her lips. "Well, are you going to say anything?" "No. I have nothing to say. Good night." Sayaka glared at the phone as Kubota closed their conversation abruptly. "Tsk." Sayaka stuffed her cellular inside her pocket and switched off the lights. As busy as she was, she needed some rest. She mumbled silently to herself. _If anything or anyone disturbs me from my slumber,... its "SHI NE!" [Die!] and nothing else... _

* * *

Tokitoh grumbled his way as he proceeded to open the door. The doorknob squealed as he turned it to the right, its solid metal body felt icy to him. "Who the hell..." Tokitoh muttered as the teak door swayed open. His eyes widened when he saw the person in front of him. He didn't much expect a visitor in the middle of the night, when the other ephemeral residents of the hotel were slumbering away, lost in dreams and possibly, nightmares. Least he would expect the person right in front of him to be there. Given his rather irked mood, he would have yelled at the person. That would have been his choice of greeting, if it weren't for his weariness that subdued all hostile reactions he would have think of doing. Nonetheless, he was not very pleased with this unexpected visit.

"Why the hell are you here? Your room is there..." Tokitoh pointed across the corridor. Toro stood before him, grinning slightly, his hands tightened around the slender neck of a half-emptied bottle filled with sparkling golden liquid, his face tinted slightly with pink on the cheeks. "No... I am not lost, you idiot. I'm here for a talk... that's all. Care to chat?" Tokitoh was about to point out the time to Toro, but the other guy just walked into Tokitoh's room without bothering for an invitation. He settled down on a chair, and waved the bottle of alcohol towards Tokitoh's direction. "Want some?"

Tokitoh frowned as he gave in, and slammed the door. "No. Now, what? Why are you here?" Toro replied with a grin. "A chat?" Tokitoh sighed, and slapped his forehead in exasperation. He sat down on the edges of his bed. "Very funny, Toro. Go chat with Sora. No point finding me. I don't know what to talk about."

"..." Toro quieted at the mention of Sora's name. He stared listlessly at the glass bottle in his grasp, and swayed the bottle slowly, watching the golden liquid moved gracefully from left to right, to left, to right, to left, to right. Tokitoh gritted his teeth. _What the hell now? Can't that idiot see that I am tired? Damn it..._ Toro suddenly spoke up. "It is about Sora. I just want someone to listen to my problems, Tokitoh. I just want an advice... please? I'm sorry to disturb you now... I just want to talk."

Tokitoh was surprised by Toro's words, which came out as a quiet whisper. If it weren't because of the silence of the night itself, Tokitoh swore he could barely make out what Toro said. Tokitoh retorted. "Well, you should have find Hotaru. She is a good counselor." Toro shook his head rather angrily. "Look, I am not in need of a counselor, okay? All I wanted now is just a peer to peer talk, not some fucking counseling sessions by some certified whatever... and I just need an honest advice by someone who experienced the same thing before. Get it? What do you want me to do now, beg for you to hear me? Fuck it. I just need someone to talk to! Can't you be at least a little bit considerate, since we are in the same boat now?"

"Same boat? I don't know what the hell are you referring to, Toro." Tokitoh replied evenly. Toro just grinned slyly, juxtaposing his own angry remark earlier. "Now, who was that guy above there, Tokitoh? If he wasn't your _koi_, who else? I knew he is... or rather, was, someone special to you." Tokitoh only glared at Toro, astonished at what Toro just said. "He wasn't... oh well, he  was. Fine. Whatever. Fuck you. Now tell your damned story, and I swear I won't be too lenient in my advice!" Toro just mock-saluted Tokitoh. "Thanks..."

Toro quieted down for a moment, and took a sip from the bottle of alcohol. Tokitoh raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you drunk?" Toro shook his head. "No." His flushed face and wavering voice betrayed his answer. Tokitoh replied pointedly. "Don't you dare to vomit or do any mess in this suite, or I'm going to lodge a complain to Hotaru and switch to another room A.S.A.P." "Nah, I won't. Promise. Now... where are we? Oh yeah..." Toro placed the bottle on the table, and closed his eyes. "... about Sora."

"What happened? It seems like you two were so lovey-dovey all the time in the afternoon, and even just now, in Michie's room. And it was just... an hour ago. Surely it is impossible for anything to happen in such short notice of time." Tokitoh remarked rationally. Toro shook his head. "Nah, we had a fight about a week ago. Actually, he is still mad at me."

"Hmm? But you two were..." Tokitoh pointed out, referring to Toro's public display of affection. Toro shrugged. "Those were all staged, Tokitoh. Sora is someone who prides on his image. He doesn't want to be seen fighting with me in the public eye. But those were all drama, all drama and nothing but a drama, Tokitoh. He is still mad at me. I just don't know what the hell am I supposed to do." Toro sighed in frustration. Tokitoh could only silently comment in his head. _Wow... what a weird couple..._

"Well, then what is the fight all about?" Tokitoh asked, curious. Toro bit his lips. "Well, I know I am wrong... but..." "Hell, Toro, I asked about the fight, not about who is wrong and who is right." Tokitoh retorted. "Oh, okay... well... urm..." Toro sighed. "Well, sometimes,... okay, I'll start from the beginning. Both Sora and I are students in this all-boy's school. And as you know, adolescence homosexuality is common in such places. So..." Toro paused. "I knew Sora since we were in kindergarten. We lived next to each other, so you can say he is the 'boy next door'. In school, I am quite popular,... so there are many guys who wants to be with me..." Toro had the grace to blush at his own remark. Tokitoh gave a smirk. "Oh... I see." Toro retorted sharply. "Shut up! Well... there are some rabid fans of mine in the lower grades... and more than often they trailed me. And well,... I know I am wrong here..." Toro paused again. Silence hung in the room like a thick cloak, for a long moment it stayed there.

Tokitoh sighed in exasperation for the umpteenth time. "Stop saying you're wrong and get on with the story, will you? If you keep on stalling, I will be very pleased to show you the way to the door." "That would be unnecessary..." Toro said rather apologetically. He drank a few gulps of the alcohol in the bottle, and continued.

"Being the person I am... I flirted with them too." Seeing Tokitoh's frown, Toro added. "Well, that is my nature. I know I am walking on tightropes by doing so, but it was all... instinctive. I don't even know why I played along. I knew Sora hated the idea of me being with someone else. I knew he is someone terribly possessive. And yet, I played with his feelings. I just don't know why."

"You're cruel." Tokitoh replied, grinning. "Continue... I could sense there are more to be heard."

Toro smiled. "Well, I just love to watch him pout, frown,... the way his eyes darkened in hurt, and to look on the light of his face when I reassured him that he will be my one and only... he is an angel, Tokitoh. Really." Toro sighed, his eyes rather wistful. "I'm feeling so damn sorry now... so sorry for all the things I did..."

"Well, you haven't told me about the fight." Tokitoh pointed out. Toro snapped from his reverie. "Oh yeah, that stupid fucking fight. Well, it took place a week ago. We were in school. And then~"

The lights went out all of the sudden, and it made Tokitoh jump a little. He was rather absorbed into the conversation with Toro, and this sudden blackout really took him by surprise. Blackness consumed the room in an instant, save for the only source of light from the door that led to the balcony. A soft, unnatural glow filled the room slowly, courtesy of the silver moon. Darkness, and moonlight. _Not another reminder of my first kiss,... not now. _Tokitoh sighed warily. _The management of the hotel should do something soon. I don't want to spend my night in darkness._

Tokitoh was about to remark on the sudden blackout when suddenly, he felt fingers tightly gripping his hand. "What the fuck?!" Before he could react to that unwanted onslaught, someone threw him onto the bed with a sudden force and pinned him face-down on the mattress. Tokitoh wanted to yell, but his face was shoved into the white linen. His shout came out muffled by the deceitful fluffiness of the mattress. "Don't yell." He heard someone speak out, and he almost wished that it wasn't anyone he knew. The voice belonged to Toro. Undeniably. Logically it belonged to Toro, because there was no one in the room except for the both of them. And logically, Tokitoh was unwilling to believe this. He could sense the motives of Toro's actions, but he forced himself to deny it. _No... this person is not Toro... no... it is some stranger... no. This could not be happening... no._

Tokitoh felt a sudden seizure within him as he struggled to breathe. He could not breathe with his face forced into the mattress. He thrashed about frantically, swearing that he would kill the person if he had the chance to do so. Suddenly, the person let go off his clutches on Tokitoh's head. Tokitoh lifted his head and breathed sharply, trying to recover from the lack of oxygen. "Why did you do this to me?" He scowled, trying to get up, but the person cleverly pinned him down on the legs, disabling him from any movement. 

"Tokitoh-_kun_..." Tokitoh felt warm breath on his ears, tickling him like little teases, sending down impulses of code red beeping shrilly in Tokitoh's head. And his vision affirmed everything. It is Toro, leaning his face against Tokitoh's, whispering softly, his words slurred. "You're drunk, so get off me!" Tokitoh yelled as he tried to push Toro away. _For someone who is supposed to be drunk, he is strong..._ Tokitoh struggled again in futile. "You belong to Sora! Damn it! Get lost, Toro! Fuck... can't you understand???" Tokitoh almost cried out in exasperation. Toro showed no change of emotion even at the mention of Sora's name. "Come on, Tokitoh..." He purred softly. Tokitoh continued his struggle, disbelieving everything that took place. _No! No, no, no, no, no and no! Fuck... I shouldn't have let him into the room. He was drunk, to begin with..._

"You just don't know how much I miss you..." Toro said as he buried his face into the back of Tokitoh's neck, breathing little kisses down the spine. Tokitoh fought back tears that threatened to form in his eyes. _No... no one is allowed to do that to me... only... only..._

And in the moment of this nightmare he wished he was still back with Kubota, safe and sound.

It was all useless to struggle. Toro was strangely strong, and Tokitoh remained as defenseless as ever. It was such irony that this was the same person who kicked asses in Araiso Private High School, parallel to the motto "We are the justice, we are the law!". How ironic this whole scene was! Tokitoh was choked by emotions, feeling humiliated by the things that are to be taking place, and yet, he felt completely lost. Again, he lost. Again, he became the loser. Losing over and over and over again.

_Wait. _Tokitoh was perplexed as he thought of Toro's recent words. _ "You just don't know how much I miss you..." ... what the fuck? Toro miss me? No... then this could not be him after all..._

He was paralyzed as a pair of familiar lips grazed upon his, a familiar tongue forcing him to open his mouth. _No_. _It couldn't be_. His mind screamed to fight back, but he was too lost in the cauldron of confusion, too lost in the depths of the obscurity around him. Everything was at clockwork, no longer real... not at all. But something about that predatory lips...

They kissed him the way he was kissed before. The way it nipped gently on his upper lips, sucked violently on the lower counterpart, the way the tongue shoved them open and explored him altogether... it brought a chilling sensation over him. Something about this was amiss. Only one person kissed him this way before. Only one.

Tokitoh braved himself to open his eyes. And his retinas confirmed his deadliest fear. Kubota. Makoto Kubota before him, eyes shining with some inner light, resembling a cat which successfully cornered a mouse. Why did he feel like he is the metaphorical mouse?_ This is so insane... there is no way Kubota could enter the room. No way. Not at all..._

"Tokitoh." Kubota slowly traced the outlines of Tokitoh's jaw. "Return to me." He caressed Tokitoh's cheek gently, as if persuading him. Tokitoh's eyes widened. "No. You are the wrong one to begin with, Kubo-chan." He glared at Kubota. "Why must I return to you?" Kubota only responded with a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Return to me, Tokitoh... just return." He trailed kisses across Tokitoh's cheek, and slowly, he pressed another kiss onto Tokitoh's lips. Tokitoh gulped, feeling really confused._ ... this is not the Kubota I knew... he would not plead me to return... no. This..._

Suddenly Kubota's face convulsed into Toro's face, and back again, and again, to Toro. Tokitoh gasped in horror as he shoved the person with all the strength he could summon. _Who the hell is it? _The voice was a mixture of Kubota's and Toro's, and it did nothing but to add to Tokitoh's fear. "No! Damn it... no!" The person staggered backwards, but regained balance and walked towards Tokitoh. "I really miss you... Tokitoh..." Tokitoh shuddered in terror as he backed away, disgusted and somewhat fearful. The chimerical creature before him reached out, and whispered. "Tokitoh... return to me." The darkness of the room only served to confuse him further. _No... that could not be Kubota. That could not be Toro. That could not be anyone I know. No... I don't know this monster in front of me. I don't know the person, the monster, in front of me... no._

The unknown stranger pounced onto Tokitoh, pinning him fast onto the mattress again. Tokitoh screamed with all his might, whatever courage he had in him... to dismiss the fact that the person in front of him isn't Kubota nor Toro... but another monster who was destined to vanish in the coming twilight, as Tokitoh's scream rose in decibels...

* * *

Tokitoh panted, his face slick with perspiration as he sat in the middle of his bed, his emotions swirling like a whirlwind inside him, threatening to tear him apart from the powerful surge within. _Oh no... is it a dream?... but it felt so real..._ Tokitoh wiped his forehead with his damp hand, his eyes blinking in disbelief. Everything felt so real, and yet everything was only a fragment of his subconscious mind playing a dreadful drama on him. He clawed at the hem of his blanket, trying to get a grasp of reality. Suddenly, when his door was knocked upon, it made him jump in surprise. He felt like as if his dream revisited him, starting from the knocking on his door. He was tentative of opening it, fearing that his dreams would reemerge in reality. But the knockings were persistent, harsh knocks, unlike those slow ones in the opening of his dreams. "Tokitoh-_kun_? Tokitoh!" 

Tokitoh sighed, feeling relieved. He got up from his bed and opened the door without hesitation. Emiko and Sayaka stood there. Emiko was deeply concerned, while Sayaka portrayed calmness, although her brow arched in worry. "Are you all right?" Emiko asked, biting her lips. Tokitoh frowned in amusement. "Huh? Why? Nothing... happened." _Well, in contrary, something did happen..._

"Really? Are you sure, Tokitoh? We heard someone yelling, and something heavy fell down. It is all too hard to miss, since if you remembered, our rooms are next to yours." Sayaka said cynically. Tokitoh shook his head. "No... not at all." He paused, then continued. "... where is Toro?" Tokitoh paused, and braced himself for the answer. He felt that if he knew where Toro is, then he could clarify whether the whole damn incident was fact or fiction. _Hopefully he is in his room... together with the person he is supposed to be with..._

"Toro-_kun_? Well..." Emiko stared at Tokitoh as if he asked her whether the skies are blue, when the answer was obvious. "... he is in his room, or rather, in the suite both Sora and him shared. The door's closed... I'm sure he is in. Why?" Tokitoh shook his head. "Nothing... nothing." 

"You're weird, Tokitoh. You sure nothing happened? We do hear loud noises from your suite. We are worried, you know..." Sayaka queried, folding her arms around her. "... and you are perspiring. Heavily, I might add." Sayaka pointed out, noting the traces of sweat glistening upon his face. Tokitoh scowled as he wiped them. "Nothing happened. Will you girls just believe me?" Given his tone of exasperation, he well knew that they would not believe him. But he did not care. He made his point clear and it was all up to them to believe.

"Are you having a nightmare or something?" Sayaka asked in a matter-of-fact tone. Tokitoh groaned. "What is this, a counseling session? Yes, fine, I had a nightmare and nothing much. Thank you so much for your concern." Tokitoh replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Sayaka rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah,... and so to say that a good deed deserves a good return." Noticing that Emiko was silent, she turned around to address her friend. "Emiko? Nothing to say?" Only then, Sayaka noticed that Emiko was tugging on her sleeves. "What is it, Emiko?" 

"Sayaka... do you think its the..." Suddenly Emiko voiced out in fear. Sayaka frowned. "No... of course not. That's a ludicrous tale... after all." Emiko grasped Sayaka's hand, and bit her lips. Tokitoh noticed that she looked rather pale all of a sudden. "I'm afraid, Sayaka... what if..." Sayaka rolled her eyes impatiently. "No... forget about it. It is just another stupid tale, okay? Koitsu made it up."

Tokitoh cleared his throat loudly. "What is this all about?" He squinted at them. _A set-up? Why do I have a sinking feeling something bad happened?_ Sayaka sighed loudly, as if to demonstrate her intolerance. "Someone here was scared by a silly ghost tale told by Koitsu-_kun_ during our night out in this hotel last year. Apparently, he told us that one of the suites were haunted by some spirit, and that spirit wanders from room to room in unrest, sometimes preying on the resident's dreams, causing nightmares, bla-bla... another ludicrous tale, as I said earlier." "But it was so coincident, Sayaka-_san_! Koitsu reminded me about the tale just now..."

"So? It is just another unexplained coincidence." Sayaka shrugged off the thought of any correlation between Tokitoh's incident and the mention of the silly ghost tale by Koitsu. Emiko bit her lip. "But... Sayaka~"

"No 'buts', Emiko. I'm going to bed, now that the case-of-the-mysterious-noise-next-door is solved. Thank you so much for your time, Tokitoh." Sayaka remarked sweetly, half mocking Tokitoh's tone earlier. "I'm returning to my room." She walked away haughtily, and only paused when she noticed Emiko still standing there, glancing worriedly at Tokitoh and his suite. "Emiko! It is another stupid tale. Come on!" She marched back, rather pissed, and dragged Emiko all the way. 

Tokitoh frowned._ Another stupid ghost tale?_ He glanced at his room. Nothing. Silence. The room was dark, except for one corner of the room, with the moonlight pouring in from the sliding doors that led to the balcony. The night was starless, a clear stretch of velvety black with a splotch of flaring white that was the moon. Soon, veils of black were thrown over that patch of light, one by one until the white spot was no more. The room darkened once again, losing all its soft glow. 

_Nothing preternatural, right?_ Tokitoh wondered as he closed the door and sat on his bed. He laughed hollowly. _What the hell am I expecting? The spirit that haunts the suite? _Slowly, his nightmare flashbacked in his mind. The blackout, as dark as it was now. An eerie sensation cascaded down Tokitoh's spine. Instinctively he switched on the bed lamp. A delicate yellow glow enveloped the room like a fragile shell which stood strong protecting the vicinity and yet could crumble down in any moment. Tokitoh submerged in this ephemeral sensation of security as he tried to sort out fact from fiction.

The dream haunted him like the metaphorical spirit of Koitsu's ghost story haunting the suites of the hotel, giving no rest to the denizens in both mind and soul. Tokitoh grabbed the blanket and wrapped himself in it, as if its physical presence gave extra comfort to the existence of fact, and to confirm that his dream remained a dream and nothing but a dream. But as disturbing as the dream was, he found slight solace in it... solace, in a small fraction of that nightmare.

If dreams were to be the reflections of a human's subconscious mind, the nightmare he had manifested an agenda he feared to confront : he still longed for Kubota. 

Undeniably, even in his dreams, Kubota was still Kubota, and the slight brush between their lips felt so real, in contrast to the falseness of the dream he had. The taste of that kiss was as sharp as ever, stinging his own lips with a searing sensation he could not deny. _No,... it will never be mine again. I must move on_. Tokitoh reprimanded himself for succumbing to return to Kubota. _Let me find someone new, and forget about him... just let me find someone else... someone... just someone..._

_... so that I will forget about him._

Tokitoh sighed loudly, only to have the suite sighing softly in response, the echo resonated within his mind although he knew that there was no echo to begin with, for the walls were fabricated. He felt like his mind was playing another cruel game on him, a follow-up of Kubota's own cruel game, perhaps? Or maybe he did not long for Kubota, but rather, the nightmare was a result of the afternoon encounter with Kubota. Or maybe, he was too tired, and the nightmare was a result from all his pain, all of his sadness...

_...whatever that led to the cause of the nightmare, I wished it never took place. Never. It only served as a catalyst in confusion, something to distract me from the choice I made earlier. Am I really to return, or am I to stray, to leave and not to return? _

_Why am I always the loser?_ Tokitoh closed his eyes. _I don't want to be the loser... no more. I don't want to lose. I don't want to lose... I just don't want to lose..._

_Or maybe,... I just don't want to lose Kubota._

_How many times had I wondered before this, about our relationship? Admittedly it went wrong... too wrong... maybe we shouldn't have kissed, shouldn't have leaned together in that fucking sofa, shouldn't have done all those forbidden things that we did together... then we all would not be here. I would be back in that white apartment, playing the black PS2, living my life in monochrome and everything would be as black and white as ever. I would be enjoying holidays at the place I used to call home, spending the afternoons together with Kubota, roaming countless streets and only to return home late night, both of us slightly drunk, leaning close against each other..._

_... no. The cycle repeats, only to make me more confuse than ever. Each time he leaned against me, whether intentional or not, I felt like there's some kind of a choking burden upon my shoulders. A burden which I gladly carry and yet I hated so much. A burden defined as love? Maybe. _

_More than once, I wondered, why did we become lovers in the first place? Is it out of a sense of responsibility and duty, because we kissed and slept together? If it is so, then why did we end up kissing in the first place? Is it driven by pure love, or by pure lust? What is this all about? Sexual tension? It all remained unresolved now, isn't it? We are all chained to the ground by our actions and words. Nothing could change the past anymore. Nothing. We are all chained to the core of our problems, and in the end... we are back to square one._

_I know I miss Kubota, somehow. He was part of me,... and he will still be part of me, until..._

_... until the moment someone else replace him, which I doubt anyone will. _

Tokitoh buried his face into the soft white fluffy pillow, and scowled out. "Damn, damn, damn... damn Kubota." Slowly, it dawned on him that he started to refer Kubota as 'Kubota' and no longer 'Kubo-chan'. _Another sign of losing our intimacy? Another sign of moving on? Another sign of no more? Another sign of ... _

_... goodbye?_

Mind taxed heavily like never before, Tokitoh forced himself to a dreamless sleep, this time not to be haunted by nightmares and kisses in the dark.

* * *

"Fine... I just thought you should know about it." Sayaka stated bluntly. 

"Thank you for telling me about it." Kubota's voice was uncannily laced with amusement. Sayaka shrugged. "Well, I pity him though. Having a nightmare is not one of my favorite things."

"... don't worry. There will be no more nightmares if he returns to me." Kubota remarked. Sayaka could hear him exhaling though the receiver, and figuratively she deduced that he was smoking again. "Kubota-_kun_, stop smoking, will you? You'll die of lung cancer." Sayaka exclaimed.

"I would love to die young,... so carefree..." Kubota replied evenly, dismissing her advice. Sayaka shook her head. "You are forever impossible and unpredictable, Kubota. Well, I'm leaving the ordeal about Tokitoh to you. I guess my assistance is no longer needed?" "I owe you one, Sayaka. Perhaps, a lunch together in the future?" 

"So, that means I am no longer needed. Well, sure. I deserve something in return for the favor I'm doing for you, _ne_?" Sayaka grinned. "... well, good luck in getting Tokitoh back." She paused, then continued. "He needs someone. I see that he couldn't survive entirely on his own. And... neither do you, Kubota. Maybe you are indeed an independent person, but haven't you ever wanted to belong to somewhere, for once?"

"We'll see. I'll ring you up some time later for the lunch, okay?"

"Make sure... or else you are just so dead." Sayaka smiled. "Good night." Closing their conversation, Sayaka sighed. _Now, time for a good sleep... sans screams from the neighboring room_. Somehow, something bothered her a lot. She thought she heard someone, or rather, something, howling, baying, screaming...

_It must have been my imagination... or..._ Sayaka laughed at her own silly idea. _... the spirit that haunts the suites of this hotel._

**End of Part 8 : Voyage**

**A/N: **Sorry for the short update, but I promise I'll write something long after my exams! Wish me luck… ^__^;;

Reviews… reviews…


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